Sunday, February 16, 2003

I was walking around a place I used to hang out at before I left for London, but which I hadn't been to in a couple of years. The weather was pretty nice and I was walking around there by myself when I noticed that my right hand was almost itching to be held. It's just that one of my happier memories of being around there was when I was still with my first boyfriend. And lately, I've begun to noice that whenever I'm lonely and stressed, I'd be wishing for someone to near, just holding my hand. It's one of the most innocent and tender signs of affection that anyone could display, and for me, possibly my favourite.

Don't get me wrong. While there are certainly more passionate things that you could do - kissing, for instance - holding hands has a certain charm. It reminds me of the time during my high-school romance, when we were all young and innocent and clumsily fumbling our way through relationships, wondering when the question of 'officiality' would be popped. And once we started holding hands, we never really let go... until the break up. And even after that, during times when he knew I was upset, he'd reach over to hold my hand and just give it a tender squeeze, in that one gesture, just showing all the love that he still had for me. Because of those memories, there'll always be a soft spot in my heart for holding hands. It's the most sincere thing that you could do to show your loved one that you care.

Why do I say that? Well, to me, kissing and sex aren't necessarily signs of love. In this mixed up world of ours, they're just signs of lust, and even more, they can and have been used to deceive. You can do these things erroneously when you're drunk or when you're stoned. You don't reach out to hold someone's hand when you've had one too many drinks, that's for certain! Furthermore, sometimes, when you're in the swept away by passion, you stop thinking. And for someone like me who values logic and rationality greatly, getting driven by lust and not actually acknowledging what you're doing while you're doing it isn't exactly something I consider good.

So call me old-fashioned and conservative, but I'd opt for the innocent gesture of hand-holding as a guy's way of expressing his feelings over the more aggressive kiss... though not all the time, obviously! But definitely for the first few dates!

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