I was watching an programme on what makes people attractive (The Human Face, hosted by John Cleese) when they mentioned that the "golden ratio" was 1.618. What makes people attractive is not just that their faces are symmetrical (which apparently, is an indicator of the person's health) but that the width of the mouth is 1.618 times the width of their nose. Also, the width of the mouth is also 1.618 times the distance from the corner of the mouth to the corner of the face. Lastly, the width of the front tooth is 1.618 times the width of the smaller tooth beside it.

The urge to go measure my own face was almost irresistible. Almost. I managed to restrain myself because, being the messy person that I am, I seem to have misplaced my ruler.

Anyway, they featured a hitherto undiscovered British-Oriental model named Zara on the programme, and sad to say, while she did fulfill the golden ratio requirements, I didn't find her attractive in the least. Sorry, girl. No offence, but, you? A beautiful face (as described by the show's expert, a top plastic surgeon)? I think not.

And England? Although you've invented the one of the most wonderful languages ever, why is it that when it's spoken by one of your own kind, it sounds so horrible? Honestly, the typical local British accent? Dreadful. Your spelling leaves much to be desired and your grammar is simply atrocious. It's always puzzled me how come the standard of English is so appallingly disgraceful in England, the birthplace of the English language.