Thursday, June 05, 2003

Warning! Warning! Possible angry egotistical bitch alert!

So I had this like HUGE presentation yesterday which I had been preparing for for some time. And I was the last of a group of nine people to present, just to make things worse. And I think, while I could have done better, I didn't do too badly. So when I found out that my director had mentioned to a colleague - a fellow competitor, no less - that she felt the top three presenters were these three people, which by the way, didn't include myself, I was kind of upset. Two of those people, I could see why they were good, but the third? Quite honestly, I thought I was better.

Great, I hear you groan. She's a selfish psycho bitch.

Possibly, I am. But this is my blog and I am entitled to say whatever I damn feel like saying. And you know what? While this might strike you as being incredibly pompous and arrogant, I am more than a little upset how I've been struggling to prove myself to... myself. I've been told since the age of nine that I'm among the top 0.5% of my age group. My IQ is pretty high, I know. And yet, I can't seem to... utilise the potential that I have, having been beaten out by someone who couldn't even make it to the main streams of my high school.

Yes, this is one of the uglier sides of my personality. I am an intellectual elitist, an academic snob.

And before you comment, it's one of the comparatively few things that makes me feel like I'm worth something. And returning back to what started this rant? I'm so f***ing tired of fighting to prove myself. It's obviously not working, so why the hell should I bother?

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