A friend sent me a local blogger's entry on his reservist experience where the blogger was receiving training on how to handle hostage negotiations. I'm really glad that defence takes up the largest portion of the national budget because this is how the training went.

Tired and frustrated from climbing the stairs, and perhaps also from having problems at home, the 'hostage negotiations' were opened by a member of the section and it went something like this:

What the fuck you want, ninabehcheebye motherfucker?

I want an airline ticket!

Airline ticket?? Cheebye! Simi airline?!

Emirates!

Cheebye! Emirates?! Ki tolo?! (go where?)

Anywhere!

Fuck you! Kaninabuchowcheebyemotherfucker! Limpehshootjitliaphorliseeeee!

And then there was a burst of automatic gunfire. After which, the slack-jawed trainer declared the simulated hostages and their simulated captor dead.

Attempts at translation (i.e. links to the Coxford Singlish Dictionary) have been added by me.

The entry can be read in its entirety here.