Sunday, June 26, 2005

You know you've fallen when you feel incredibly happy just watching your eclectic music-loving date turn into the indie-version of a Mambosexual at Poptart.

Further signs you've fallen: When you watch your date get hugged by the scores of old (female) friends who haven't seen him in a while, and your heart aches just that little bit, wondering whether this is really meant to be because the two of you are just so different, and that maybe, you should get out of this while you still can, because despite how exclusive you two are, he's hesitant to call you his girlfriend because he still has his doubts, just the same as you.

And maybe guys don't get why females feel that way, but you've got to understand, what's the point of being exclusive when you don't get any of the so-called benefits that come with being that? And I'm honestly not at all sure just how far anyone should go with someone you're not having a serious relationship with. It's just like having a relationship with a married man. He gets everything; you get nothing in the end.

But more importantly, when the person who's all "in life, you need to take some risks" is the one having doubts... what hope do I have? Yes, I've taken my fair share of risks in the past, knowing full well what I was getting myself in for. I still bear the scars. But, this could be one which I might want to get out of before I hurl myself off the cliff.

And if you ever read this, please know that this isn't about you. It's about how you make me feel. And that scares me incredibly.

P.S. I feel I should comment on my first Poptart so as to do justice to the DJs playing last night. I don't know what kind of music is played normally but last night was quite fun. Listening to British indie and alternative always makes me happy, especially when the songs played include James - Sit Down and my once-upon-a-time-I-couldn't-live-without-it song, New Order - Regret.

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