"I think horrible is still coming. Right now, it's worse. Right now, I'm just trying to keep from dying. I can't breathe, Will. I feel like I can't breathe."
- Buffy (Season 3: The Prom)

As moving and as accurate a description of heartbreak that anyone could ever give.

And no, it's not just the break up that's making me grieve; it's more to do with something I had no desire to write about until it was over, for fear of belittling it unintentionally while trying to cope. More to the point, I was afraid that if I wrote about it, it would happen.

My grandmother passed away today, six weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. She lived a rich, full life and was hale and hearty up until the time she was diagnosed, and that's a lot more than what some others get. Thankfully, she got to see all of her children and most of her grandchildren while she was still lucid. And we're all very grateful she didn't suffer.

And while I know I'll be okay after some time and though I like to think that all of this is happening in my life now because God knows I'm tough enough to cope with all of this, right now... it feels as if I can't breathe.