Tuesday, January 16, 2007

There're so many things I want to do this year. In fact, there're so many things I want to do every year. I just feel more determined to get them done this year though, after sort of frittering away the last few years or so.

I mean, I want to learn a new kind of dance (or even a dance I've done before, just as long as I'm dancing), driving (something I talk about every year), wakeboarding (which I've done once and absolutely adored but have been too afraid to attempt ever since my back injury way back in September 2005) , proper Mandarin (hah!), French (again) and jazz singing. And that's just off the top of my head. I'm sure there're other hidden wishes still in there somewhere.

At the same time, I've restricted myself to one new activity every two or so months. Right now, I'm in the midst of kickstarting my incredibly inert lifestyle and learning a new activity. At the same time, there's CFA Level II to worry about, whereby I'll find myself using most of my available hours just studying those five texts that are currently languishing in one corner of my room.

And today, my boss told me that if I want to work towards working overseas (permanently, as opposed to a temporarily), I should tell him now so that he can guide my path in the appropriate direction. He had originally hired me to do primarily local work, which is the reason I haven't felt brave enough to tell him about wanting that overseas experience to last for more than a few months.

He has also offered me a fair amount of opportunities and I do like the people I've worked with both here and around the region, so I feel bad that right now, I'm contemplating just jumping ship because I want to work in a market other than Singapore. I've stayed here for so long and everything is so straightforward that it's plain boring. I really want to work in a market I consider exciting before I turn 28. I mean, I'm starting to run out of energy as it is and going somewhere else and starting over won't get any easier as time passes by.

So the question is... should I trust my boss and tell him what I really want? I mean, as far as I know, I haven't really said anything to my own office about my desire to work overseas, and it definitely isn't in my boss's best interests to let me go. And to work towards that overseas posting in my own company is going to entail quite a lot of hard work to prove that I'm worth it.

So, on top of work abd personal enrichment (academically and hobbywise), I'm also trying to work on spending more time with friends and also towards that ever elusive goal of marriage and kids. Yes, I'll admit it. In spite of the "tough single-minded career woman" act I put up in front of a lot of people, I do, in fact, want to get married and have a family someday.

At this point in time, the idea of a lifelong commitment still freaks me out (yes, clearly, I've some baggage from past relationships) but I do know that someday, I want that ideal. It doesn't look attainable, however. Maybe it's me - my penchant for falling for the wrong guy - or maybe it's the men out there, but right now, it doesn't feel achievable. And given my tendency to throw myself into work, it doesn't leave me much time to meet the single, decent and yet, interesting guys out there.

Blimey. I really am setting myself up for a huge challenge this year, ain't I?

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