I brought P. to Hawksmoor, a delightful steak restaurant which doesn't have weights of less than 400 g on its menu, recently.

That being still quite fresh in my mind, when I was told my colleague's wife had given birth to a baby boy weighing 9 lb and 5 ozs, my initial response - which thankfully remained unspoken - was: I'm not that good with weights. How much is that in steaks?

I have no maternal instinct whatsoever.