Monday, December 15, 2008

I was told recently that I would naturally encounter good days and bad days following news that my position would be eliminated, and that what I needed to do was to ensure I never had two bad days in a row.

Having to be in the office for various reasons throughout last week made following that piece of advice difficult; suffice it to say that I had a very bad day while having to interact with a number of my peers in the same department and just knowing how much more I know than they do, and how much harder I work than they do, and yet, I'm the one being asked to leave.

I know some might think I'm trying to justify this by saying I'm not a weak performer when I surely must be given that my job has been cut. But I'm not. Even my former boss told me that it couldn't possibly have been for performance reasons having worked with me for just under two years.

As a result, I've been trying incredibly hard to distract myself from everything, but it's not easy when money's going to be something I'm aiming to conserve over the next few months, particularly because the Tier I visa application is not cheap. 

It's been just over a week since I received the news, and, yet, it feels like a lifetime. I feel like I should be over this by now, and, yet... it's only been a week.

So I am incredibly thankful that I've got wonderful people in my life. My brother has been great, and MD has just been beyond incredible. It was very, very nice to wake up today to find him beside me, both of us having fallen asleep in my flat last night after a tiring dance workshop, hugging me and comforting me as I unexpectedly burst into tears because of all the anger, hurt and uncertainty that I'm now feeling.

I hope I'll be able to find the strength and courage that have helped me get this far and pick myself off the ground and find the better things I'm supposed to be going on to soon.

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