Wowzers. It's been over a month since I last posted. That's what having an incredibly demanding job and trying to spend every other minute with a boyfriend does to you. And it's the former which has prompted this post.
I've been tweeting about my predicament at work for the last few weeks now. Long story short, I've been told I haven't been performing up to their expectations. I accept that. Their expectations, as many of my friends have acknowledged, are insane, and management direction, which, more often than not, contradict from one week to the next, has been piss poor, to say the least. Now, I might be biased, given tha I am now in the position I am in. However, please note that a statement telling me my product knowledge, after three months on the job, is not more than that of my clients, people who have spent years in the industry, when I never represented myself as knowing anything at all about the industry when I was interviewed, is pretty damn ridiculous, by anyone's standards.
Sure, I could have spent more time brushing up my industry knowledge, but anyone who has seen me in the last few months knows that was nigh impossible, with my boss constantly telling me to get out there and talk to clients rather than focussing on the research and knowledge side of things. And then, now, he tells me this. Contradictory direction, like I said.
In any case, I have been asked to 1) reapply for my current role, 2) apply from a different role (to build up my knowledge, so they say) and 3) I can work as a contractor for them while I decide.
Now, given the shit that I have been put through, I am not exactly keen to stay. At the same time, I took this job because I wanted to change careers and function, so staying on for a while longer, even as a contractor, may not be a bad thing, in terms of experience, until I hav gained enough to have iron my CV properly and get the hell out of there. Still, I don't know the terms and conditions of their offer, whether it will be enough for me to live on, given I am accustomed to a certain lifestyle, plus I have a mortgage.
I will admit , though, that when they made me the offer (more on how poorly they did so in another post), I felt relieved. I thought, I can finally have my life back, go to Power Plate, go to dance class, go traveling with my friends to Argentina in November, that sort of thing.
But I recognise how I feel shouldn't be taken into consideration when it comes to deciding.
Tomorrow, I go back to the office to finish off my existing contract. I still don't know what to do.
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