Wednesday, February 20, 2013

There’s only this

I’ve come to the realisation that I have gone for more interviews than the majority of my friends. Heck, I’m willing to wager I’ve gone for more interviews than my boyfriend, my brother and my best friend combined. Out of all of those in the past ten years or so, I’ve converted more than five and less than 15 (I’m conscious I shouldn’t be giving out too much personal information here). I’ve turned down two. I’ve only ever regretted one of those two rejections, but, the trade-off was my moving to London, so there’s really nothing to regret there, just the ghost of a life that could have been.

In recent months, I’ve submitted my application – via recruiting firms – for a number of roles. (Yes, I’m happy enough at my current job, but I sure do wish it paid me what I believe my market rate to be.)

Out of those roles, there were only three that I was really hoping to at least be considered for. For two of them, it turned out that the role was already filled even before my application was seen. Nothing to beat oneself up over, I guess, but, still, it stung.

The third, I was turned down for today.

I’d been through three rounds already and I was really hoping to get to go to the fourth and final round. Yes, I had some doubts about the role – the usual kind of doubts you have when it’s a new team which is being set up, even if the company is an established and reputable one – but, still, this hurt. While they liked me and thought I’d be a great fit for the company, they didn’t think I was senior enough for the role they were looking for. One of the reasons this role looked attractive was precisely because it offered those opportunities I knew I needed in order to develop myself further, but hey.

And, on the back of yesterday, when a friend – a work friend from a previous company -  is eagerly telling me all about how most members of my old team have gone on to do very well for themselves, one of them even going to earn more than double what she was earning at my old company, and also the same person, unbeknownst to my work friend, to have snagged the first two of the three roles I was interested in.

Of course, I think I’m better than she is. I’ve got more technical ability, I’m far more interested in the product, and I’m more professional. But that’s by the by.

I don’t necessarily think all of that is 100% true, as my previous company certainly didn’t pay that badly. Or maybe it didn’t pay me that badly, but who can say?

Still, as with most people who are as driven and insecure as I am – the best kind because we’ll constantly be striving to ensure we’re the best at what we do because we’ll always think someone else must be better than we are – it stings.

I’m getting a huge amount of autonomy and responsibility where I am, and I’m respected by the people I work with.

On some days though, that’s not enough. I’d sure like higher pay and more challenging work in certain areas of what I do.

Still, despite the fact that my mind’s going around in circles just a little bit (can you tell?), I’m sure I’ll be fine by tomorrow. Or maybe by this weekend.  I’ll be back to this fiery, if sad, person.

Just allow me this day, this post to mope.

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