I seem to be getting this cycle of missing, not missing, and then missing again. I'm right back into missing... and when I'm at that stage, my... I guess you could call them needs, change too. Like when I'm icqing him for instance, there's this part of me that so badly wants him to do something... something other than telling me what's been going in his life, and stuff like that. I'm not sure what I want him to say... something like "I miss you" or... I don't know! Do you ever get that feeling of just needing something other than what you get, and yet not knowing what it is?

It's just that when I miss him, it just hurts so badly, emotionally, mentally, and even physically... it's like I get this really tight feeling in my chest and I can't breathe. And I just want to call him and tell him how much I need him and that I wish I could get even just a hug from him right now.

Of course, I know the feeling will go away, but right when I'm feeling it, it just hurts so badly and I don't know what to do other than cry myself to sleep. I guess it would be an exaggeration to say that "I'm trying to keep from dying" like Buffy did (when she broke up with Angel in "The Prom") but... it sure feels that way sometimes. I left a great part of me behind with him when I left, and it's going to take a while to fill in the gap.