Saturday, November 09, 2002

Damn it, man!

I just wish you could understand. But that doesn't seem possible now, with everything I say just making it worse. Talking to you, seeing you, seeing anything from you just hurts right now. I can't look at anything connected to you without feeling pain... or rather both pleasure and pain.

And it's like you think I've turned into some hysterical, melodramatic... girl since I returned home when that's not the case at all! I mean, it's so obvious that you've never had to get over anyone before - including me - that you can't f***ing comprehend the fact that I'm hurting and that I haven't a clue how to act now. About how since the moment we met, our relationship has always had a strong element of flirting in it, and that now, I can't flirt with you and still move on!

You miss me - or more accurately, the me that was your girlfriend. And all the good times that we had this year. That this was one of the best years of your life. It's the same for me too and you know that. But right now, it just hurts too bloody much to think about everything that I've lost.

You were - are - the one of the best guys I've ever known. You're funny, intelligent, good-looking, a great kisser and really know how to turn a woman on. It sometimes feel I fell in love with you the moment we met. And that how whenever you weren't around, there was a part of me that always longed for you to be there, and that no matter how much fun I was having, I just wanted to run back to you and let you know what I'd been doing.

BUT YOU JUST DON'T GET THAT! You don't and quite possibly never will. Don't you see why I can't talk to you? Why talking to you just makes it that much harder to move on? Why - to you - it seems like I've turned into a bloody whiny needy ex from hell?

Please understand... I really really need you to understand.

Damn it. I hate to beg. Why does falling in love always make me so damn needy and so damn fragile?

No comments: