Tuesday, January 21, 2003

Just two days into the week and I'm already mega-stressed. I'm at a point where I feel like I just want to break down and cry - that's how stressed I feel. I have this really big urge to just call someone and talk, but when I reach out for the telephone, I just stare blankly at the dialpad. Who would I call? More importantly, what would I say? "Help me, I'm stressed?" Give me a break.

Moreover, the rational side of me says there're tonnes of other people out there who must be handling more things than I am, and yet managing it far better than I am. The other part of me just feels that... They're not me! Just because they can handle this doesn't mean I can! I just feel so overloaded and overwhelmed right now.

I just so need to talk to someone outside of work, but... I don't think anyone would understand everything I'm feeling right now. Feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, incompetence and insecurity all rolled into one tired-looking blob that goes by my name.

Everyone brought up in my generation was brought up to believe that the whole world could and would be ours if we just but asked. That all we needed to do was to work hard at our studies, get a job, and that's it - everything was possible. I just feel so disillusioned now seeing my career path for the next couple of years. It's not a bad job, but nowhere along that path do I see any of my dreams coming true. It just feels like every single day that I continue working just causes my dreams and hopes to die just that little bit more.

But, hopefully, that's just today. Maybe, just maybe, there're better things to come.

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