Humourous bits from work - but be warned that these fall under the you had to be there category of humour:

Boss: Handsome boy! Why are you always so handsome?
Said guy: Can't help it. It's in the genes. I didn't want it, but it couldn't be helped.

Veteran company trainer: Many things have happened in our [offices]. There was a time an old man died [there]. That was a long time ago when I could still take that sort of thing.

Insurance agent: For a disability pay-out, you need to lose both legs or both arms or one leg and one arm, or one leg, one arm and an eye. So if you lose an arm and an eye, you don't get the pay-out.
Colleague: Better to die.

Same insurance agent: You need to take care of your spouse, your children and aged parents. For example, I have to take care of my wife and my son. Luckily for me, my mother and father are both dead.