For this edition of quotable quotes, I'd like to reference... myself.

This was all after a particularly hectic week which resulted in my not being exceedingly sharp.

(After my colleague was confused by my other colleague and myself about dinner plans)
Me: If you need more illogic in your life, feel free to call us. I'm dispensing it freely today.

Colleague: So we need to look at the key SUCK-cess factors... emphasis on the SUCK.
Me: Did you just say key sucks-ass factors?
Colleague: No, but that's a good one.

Colleague: I'll speak to you later.
Me: Pardon?!
Colleague: I'll speak to you later.
Me: Oh. I thought you said you were going to speak to St. Peter.

(After a meeting which my CEO attended and had answered a question which the guy next to me had asked)
Me: I think I made a mistake sitting next to [guy]. When he asked the question, I felt [CEO's] gaze right on our area. Wham. Just like the eye of Sauron.