Saturday, May 22, 2004

Meaningful milestones that have occurred in the past 24 hours:
- First time I've worked late on a Friday night
- First time I stayed in the office till past midnight. Left at 1.30 am on Saturday morning.
- First time I've gone on a blind date.
- First time in a looooong time I've gone on a date.
- First time that I've had two dates with two different people on the same day.
- First time I've gone out with a guy wearing a pink shirt. A very pink shirt, I might add.


But seriously, I've had a really interesting twenty-four hours and that includes only five hours of sleep.

I've got a heck of a lot of work to do and really tight deadlines now. I'm at the point where I'm wondering if I should even bother because even if I were to sacrifice each and every single night that I have from now until the end of May, there's no way I'd be able to finish everything I've got to hand in. I'm at the stage where everything seems so hopeless that you've got to wonder... why bother?

But on the other hand, the crazier work seems to get, the crazier my life itself seems to get. I ended up talking to the guy who made his appearance in this blog just about a week ago for two hours when I got home at 2 am ("New Guy" or "NG" for short). I don't know what it is about him, or why all of a sudden, there's this guy who's able to take my mind off overseas guy who just seems to be blowing hot and cold ("OG").

It makes me feel a little bad that I've been having the crush on OG for so long and then... now, no longer. I feel a little like a scumbag even. As if I've cheated on him or something. Which is so very strange as I don't owe him anything.

I feel as if I don't have much control over that side of my personality anymore. It's like I've left the door open and as long as I trust my instincts, I'll just throw myself into the game that's so incredibly fun to play. I guess, the very least I'll get out of it is a couple of weeks of entertainment. It's a horrible thing to say, but please bear in mind that I have never set out with the intention of hurting others... and that quite frankly, the person who gets hurt most of the time is just me.

In any case, NG has clarified that he's been single for the last couple of weeks. Apparently, he's been treating his now ex-girlfriend like a sister, so she says. I'm a little relieved (I have no wish to be the third party again, albeit that was unknowingly) and a little concerned. I don't generally trust people who're recently single. I'd like to know for certain that I'm not the rebound girl, you know?

So. I went out with him today to watch Shrek 2. It was nice. It was even kind of cute when in the middle of the show, when I was sniffling a little (you know, the part where the Fairy Godmother speaks to Shrek and tells him that if he really loves Fiona, he'll let her go) and NG leaned over to say that he hates that line and then paused to ask if I was crying. For the record, I wasn't, though I'm fairly certain an accurate description of my eyes would have been 'glistening'.

He seems... genuine, if you get what I mean. And I guess, I really am a little interested. And... so is he, if you take little signs like his calling our movie thing a date. It's nice when two parties are on the same page. But still, I'm not going to call him for a while. The rapidity of action is sometimes what gets me falling in the first place. It's as if you're trying to install something permanent, something regular in your life so that the day you don't see it, it feels strange and you start to miss it. And besides, as I said earlier, I don't want to be the rebound girl. I think that's my main priority right now.

The blind date was interesting. No instant sparks. Just friendly conversation. Went better than I expected. But then again, I can talk to almost anyone and I'm very friendly and genuine... so... who wouldn't want to get to know me?


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