Tuesday, June 15, 2004

It's been a little confusing lately. I had a three-and-a-half hour chat with a friend on Friday night, where she was telling me that I shouldn't use work as an excuse not to get involved with this seemingly-perfect guy who I've recently met. FYI, I'm kind of a suspicious person. I don't buy that someone so great could suddenly come into my life without some sort of catch. And work has been so incredibly bad the last few weeks that I honestly find it difficult to fathom being able to manage work, family and the gym, much less other interests and friends. Now, throw a boyfriend into that equation, and you'll find that I'll have dropped everything. Even worse if it turns out that that guy's not who I thought he was and I end up getting hurt. I definitely wouldn't be able to cope with work and heartbreak at the same time.

But yes, I do know that if I were to take this approach, I wouldn't be giving him a fair trial. I'm not that silly. I'm just risk-averse. But then again, that is what I do for a living. How else would you expect me to approach this?

My friend also advised me not to be all Ally McBeal and find strange flaws in him. Granted, given my attention to detail, there's a possibility that I might have ended up doing that, but again, I doubt that'll happen.

Ironically enough, on Sunday, when I went out with him, I didn't need a microscope at all to find the flaw that would deter me. Rather, I was thumped over the head with it. It was that obvious. And it doesn't have anything to do with his character, personality or looks. It's just that... he's got a lot on his plate right now. If he's not tied up with work, he's got a lot going on with his family. And I do mean a lot. Plus, while I'm not a private investigator or anything, I'm getting the feeling that there may be ex-girlfriend issues as well.

So, I'm sensing that this may not be a great time for him. Well, duh.

The thing is... If I do get involved with him and it turns out that he's not right for me and I decide to end it, I'd feel awful seeing as he's got so much to handle. But on the other hand, if I stayed in a relationship out of pity, wouldn't that be well... living a lie? And if he really is having ex-girlfriend issues, wouldn't I be making his already-complicated life that much more complicated?

Truth be told, I can handle everything else that's going on, but I can't deal with ex issues. I'd much rather wait for him to sort everything out before going any further. But that approach implies that I'd have to be willing to wait. Right now, I do have the willingness to wait, but the ability to wait... Now that's a different kettle of fish all together. I can't guarantee that I won't meet other people and that I won't fall for them. I mean, just look at what happened with the other guy I had been having a crush on since the beginning of the year. I know I sound really bad, but I've only known this current guy for a month now. Anything can happen.

So... What should I do?

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