I've decided to just bide my time. I'm not making any moves, but am instead actively waiting for one of the two guys who I like to show some sort of initiative. After all, as my friend, A., commented yesterday, if there's only one side that's initiating all the moves, then it's very likely that the other party's not interested. And while I'm hoping like hell that that's not true in this particular case, I have to acknowledge the veracity of his words.

And to be completely honest, I'm not interested in being a friend. I'm very willing to cut my losses and walk away rather than reach some sort of compromise because I can't be just a friend right now. I can't act as if my feelings for him aren't what they so patently are and still be a friend.

As A. knows - a little too well - it's very difficult to be the one holding back, pretending to be something other than what you are.

So, A., this is for you. Thanks for being the person to whom I opened up completely - albeit very unexpectedly - and thanks also for reciprocating. Props also for reminding me that life is sometimes all about taking risks. I've put all other aspects of my life on the line before, but it's just rather difficult for me to do so when it comes to my love life. Appreciate the dinner, the drinks, the advice, the CD and most of all, the listening ear.

Merci beaucoup. May things turn out right for both of us... or if it comes down to it, just for you. I can deal. I've managed the past two years, haven't I?