Tuesday, August 29, 2006

As I was leaving the office after yet another 12 hour work day, I asked myself just how much longer I could keep this up. I've been putting in relatively crazy hours for over three years now and I'm not too sure how much more endurance and energy I have left given that I'm well-known for consistently burning the candle at both ends.

Yet, I don't consider my hours all that insane, given that there are others in my industry who work longer hours, although they do get at least double what I'm getting paid now, something which makes me thing I'd be able to do if I was getting that kind of pay, so perhaps, I really should stop comparing myself with them, telling myself that what I do is not that much compared to them.

In any case, there're periods during the year in which my work tends to get rather crazy, and it always has the same effect on me. It makes me wonder whether I'll be able to ever sustain a proper life, given that I hardly have the time to meet new people, much less put in the investment needed to sustain a relationship. Most of the people I know who are in happy, steady relationships met their other halves many years ago before they even started work, which says a lot about my future.

I lamented to a friend last week that the way my career is going, the fact that I've worked for more than four years now and yet, I'm still in a position where I can't take leave because work might come in and I'll have to cancel, seemed to indicate that I'm headed down the path to eternal spinsterhood.

Of course, I don't really believe that, but I did tell my friend that the perfect relationship for me, given my circumstances, would be a long-distance one. I'd definitely put in the effort to e-mail and call, so long as I didn't have to deal with having to find the time to spend with him because the nature of my work is just so capricious. Until then, I'd just have to be content with 'flings' with strangers at wedding dinners.

Again, kidding. But you get what I mean.

Still, in spite of my exhausted frame of mind, despite my almost non-belief in love, I found myself thinking this as I was walking towards my bus-stop:

Everything I'm going through now will lead me to good things, to a career in which I'll be able to achieve a good work/life balance, where I'll be working overseas (something I've always wanted) and be doing the things I enjoy - both in the office and outside of it. And I will have found someone wonderful, someone who will love me and who I will love dearly. For all I know, I may already have met that someone. And I will be happy.

And this will all happen within the next three years.

This, I firmly believe.

Given my exceedingly practical nature, why am I writing something like this down for the whole world to see?

Simple. I believe it will happen.

It's in my power to create this future. And it all starts now.

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