Tuesday, February 12, 2008

A CD shopping blitz last weekend yielded:
All for under £5 each.

I tend to go a little crazy when I go shopping. I suspect I’m trying to fill up a void in my life by throwing money at it. It’s not quite working, but it does help stave off the occasional bouts of madness.

But not last night. While I was preparing dinner, using my professional kitchen knives for the first time since they were purchased, I felt myself dangerously on the brink of tears and just wanting to cut something, anything out of sheer frustration and anger.

It hasn’t been easy being in this city, regardless of the time I spent here during university. I’ve been running into problem after problem when it comes to getting my flat all set up and wired up, while I’m also lonelier than I care to admit. Coupled with the fact that I generally feel as if I’m a fraud most of the time, wondering how on earth I got this far and why everyone thinks I’m so intelligent and good at my job (my deputy told a friend of mine that he thinks I’m smart) and just really scared that one day, I’ll be exposed for the impostor that I am… it’s not a good mix.

But it’s been a while since I felt that dangerously close to losing control and I just didn’t know what to do. Then, I remembered that I had a radio, and I turned it on, just hoping that something good would come out. And it did – Xfm. Clichéd as this might sound, last night, a DJ saved my life.

In a place where I’m just finding it a little hard going without the support network I have in Singapore, music is the one of the few things which is helping me keep it together.

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