Saturday, June 12, 2010

Gah, so I was wrong. It figures! JC can't make Sunday after all. He called yesterday night to ask if he could come over as he turned out to be unexpectedly free that night, and that, furthermore, a friend is in town on Sunday and requires a favour, and as said friend did him the same favour, he feels it would be wrong of him to refuse.

I got upset upon hearing the latter piece of news, and I'm pretty sure he picked it up, although I did the typical female thing of saying that it was nothing and that my silence was just because I was thinking my way through something. Still, he was sharp enough, saying that he knew it was wrong of him to call and ask to come over given the short notice and perhaps we should reschedule for something next week.

The thing is that I don't want to reschedule to a weeknight; I'd like for him to see me as someone he'd like to see during the day, if you get what I mean. I may not have decided on whether he's a long-term prospect, a mid-term distraction or a short-term fling, but, I'd sure like to keep my options. Still, the fact that he's stuck around and is respecting my boundaries seems to say that I'm not quite in the "it's purely physical" stage but, yet, not quite anywhere further!

And, of course, being a girl - or just being rational - I know I can't say anything of this to him. Because, then, it'll defeat the purpose. The boy won't have figured it out for himself, and anything done thereafter will only have occurred because of my undue influence.

Yes, some guys may call that typical female game-playing, but I don't think it is in the slightest. It's just our way of trying to figure out where we stand without having to tell you where it is we want to be, or ought to be. Sure, it's a bit like giving a guy a map without telling him the destination or the time limit he has to get there, but, still, we don't want to dictate the end-point; we want to know where you think - or want - it to be.

And not quite knowing where it is I am meant to be, but just knowing that we aren't "going out" (as it implies some sort of relationship which clearly isn't the case) although we are "dating", I didn't quite know whether I should rescind my willingness to meet up prior to hearing that he couldn't make Sunday, or whether I even had the right to feel upset. It's complicated, all these things, and I suspect men don't ever suffer from the same things females do.

In the end, I said yes, and he brought a DVD over. I feel now that I should just have refused, because every yes I offer ends up in my yielding some power in this as-yet-unresolved struggle. But, yes, I am weak(er) and I do tend to give in.

For a highly intelligent person, I can be really stupid some times.

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