Saturday, June 26, 2010

This has been a very big week for me. Not as big as I'd have liked, but still big enough for me to have gone through a major roller-coaster of stress from Monday till yesterday. Again, I keep wondering whether I'm driven to do certain things simply because I'm going to turn the big 3-0 in a couple of months time, but, if that's true, then that's been driving me since the beginning of the year, and its effect has yet to stop. I feel a little bit as if I'm out of control, but, I guess, having constantly been in control, that's not a bad thing, even if I find myself feeling a little panicky every now and then as to whether I'm doing the right thing.

In any case, I finished taking step one of probably the last big thing I can do to finally feel like a proper adult short of marriage and having kids. I'll write more about this as I get towards the end-stage, as it's just the first step down a path that will take a couple of weeks.

On another point, I spoke to my boss earlier this week about an internal opportunity I'm interested in. It's not quite something I fit naturally into; if it were, I'd be doing it already. But it's a good starting point for speaking to that group. On the other hand though, it was nerve-wracking trying to bring it up to my boss, and even more so speaking to the team that have the opportunity. I chickened out of speaking to the big boss of the other team though. With all the stress going on, I just couldn't hack it. I really hate when I do that, and I have to tell myself not to be so hard on myself, but it's not easy.

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