I thought I'd tried writing some things out just to make some sense of it all.

Work's been really bugging me of late. There're so many issues there I don't even know where to begin. I don't know if it's because I'm incredibly insecure and I hate uncertainty, or if I have genuine reasons to be as worried and stressed out as I sometimes get.

But that's not the reason for this post. It does, however, provide some background as to why I get the way I do when things other than work go wrong.

On the JC side of things, I am well aware that were it a friend who was in my shoes, I would have advised her to go out with someone else and forget all about this guy a long time ago. As I've found out, I'm not good at taking my own advice.

And I am also, to use a friend's word, weak. We all are. Women are. Fact.

There are men around whom we all know aren't good for us; they're shiftless, feckless, irresponsible, careless, thoughtless jerks, but there is, nevertheless, an attraction which exists that we, as females, are unable to unravel and simply move on. Maybe it's nature, maybe it's been nurtured by craploads of stupid movies where the good girl inspires the bad boy to change after he's brought her out of her shell. Who knows?

His telling me that he thought I would like to know that he's seeing his ex-girlfriend again, and that he'd still like to see me? Look, I know what it's like in the dating world. And while I would still have been a little discombobulated by someone I like telling me he's seeing someone else as well, it's not so much the fact that he's seeing someone else, but that it's his ex-girlfriend he's seeing that's bothering me, regardless of his assertion that he's not going out with her, and therefore free to do whatever he wants.

The fact is, that part is true. I've been going out on dates with other people too. So long as neither party's attached or committed to someone else, that's how the dating scene works.

But seeing an ex? That's a whole 'nother ballgame all together. An ex implies history and unresolved issues, either on her part, his, or, worst, both. Why wouldn't that bother me?

While I've still got somewhat crippling fears about getting into a serious relationship with someone again, that doesn't mean I don't want to. I'm not built for flings or casual relationships. I never have been. I've tried and it just isn't something which works for someone like me.

So if there's nothing here for me, no prospect even of a guy who thinks he could see something working out with us - and there's been virtually no indication on JC's part that he even treats me like that given I've been subject to virtually every excuse under the sun such that even if they were true, it still makes me feel like an idiot to believe them - and there's nothing here for me to fight for, why would I even contemplate seeing him one last time?