Saturday, October 26, 2002

Someone asked if me if I'm still talking to the ex, as she's been refraining from communicating with her ex until she stops liking him.

Obviously, the answer's yes. I don't think I could have survived till now by completely cutting him out of my life. However, other than talking to him, I've pretty much cut every other reminder out of my life. I don't keep any photos of him around, nor do I look at any of his past correspondence.

It's just... most days are okay, but some days are worse than others. Love songs affect you more than they should. Watching romantic scenes makes you feel a pang in your stomach and leaves you with an ache in the heart... especially the kissing scenes since I remember just how good a kisser he was and how much I miss his kisses... and today, seeing as I had to attend a wedding dinner, was most definitely one of those days.

I try not to think about him too much, or to look at anything that reminds me of him. Nevertheless, while cleaning my room recently, I stumbled upon a photo of friends, including the ex, and looking at his face just made me feel so... sad. And when his name pops up on IM, just seeing his name is enough to affect me for the whole day.

I am getting over him, but I dearly miss what we had. The time I spent with him was the happiest I'd ever been in my entire life. It's not easy trying to reconcile that with the fact that I basically was forced to leave him before I wanted to. Maybe we would have broken up soon after had I stayed due to work commitments. Maybe we would have split without remaining friends due to ill feelings between us, as that would have been a very real possibility. But, being the kind of person that I am, there'll always be a part of me that will wonder whether we could have gone on being happy for a much longer time yet. It felt so right and now... that's gone.

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