Sunday, September 05, 2004

My friend invited me to her friend's house-warming yesterday night, although I didn't know any of the people who would be going. I suspect it's because she wanted someone fun and funky to go with them clubbing, and also because her friend is Swedish, and my ex is Swedish.

When I arrived at the flat, I found that I was the only local other than my friend... and also the only other girl! There were two Swedes, one German, one Indian and one English present. Nevertheless, I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. In fact, I had a lot of fun with them. They're fun and talk a lot of crap, but at least it's not the same old local crap I hear everyday.

And you know what? I was decidedly not myself yesterday. Two of them hit on me yesterday and although I wasn't attracted to them (though I must add that I wasn't repulsed by them either), I did respond in kind to at least one of them. I ended up snogging the German (decent-looking if a little too old for me, seeing as he looks in his early '30s) three times just for the hell of it. If you really must know, I've only kissed one person in my life before that, and sometimes it feels as though I'm so out of it that... well, I wanted to keep in practice. Heh. I didn't really feel anything much and I did kind of run from him after that.

Let me digress at this point. I'm really upset at how come I'm so poised and confident in almost all situations, except for when I'm getting hit on. I have no clue how to react and quite often, I don't know how to stop a guy from going too far other than running like heck or signalling to a friend to rescue me. And I guess, that's also one reason why I ended up snogging the guy; I didn't know how to get out of it, especially once I felt his hand caressing my butt, and even stroking the base of my spine. I was wearing very very low-rise jeans, so I was acute aware of just how low that finger could venture. Sigh. I'm going to be 24 this year and yet, I'm utterly clueless.

Anyway, after that, my friend dragged me onto the dance floor. I didn't see the German after that, much to my relief and chagrin as I wasn't sure how I ought to react if I did see him because to the best of my knowledge, "I'm sorry, I don't do one-night stands and I'm not planning to sleep with anyone until I get married" probably won't work. Needless to say, I stayed on the dance floor for most of the night seeing as it's easy enough to move away from people when you're dancing as opposed to sitting down and drinking with them.

Green Velvet was playing at Zouk last night and though I'm not a great fan of house (as opposed to progressive house and tribal house, which I'm quite fond of), I enjoyed myself immensely. The energy level was high and clearly, everyone else was having fun even if their dancing ability left much to be desired. It was all I could do not to laugh my guts out at how some of them were dancing, them being people on the platform, not the gang I was with. I was indulging in some English-style dancing - the good kind, not the bad - when the rather-cute-but-incredibly-full-of-himself Englishman said, "You're the best dancer I've ever met! You'd love my friend Nadine, who can dance almost as well as you!" He knew quite a few moves himself, so naturally I returned the compliment. To be perfectly honest, he was the only guy I'd ask the number of if I had to choose. He looks like Chandler from Friends but is even cuter. Thanks, Marcus. You have no idea how much I love hearing people praise my dancing.

After that, the Indian made his move. My friend had been dancing with every guy that night. She's sexy, pretty and taller than I am and she has great legs. Furthermore, I was wearing a slightly loose baby doll T-shirt, jeans and trainers (as I had to visit my extended family just before going to the house-warming) while she was wearing a black tube top, white trousers and strappy heels. I naturally expected her to be getting more attention from anyone in the club, especially given that I don't usually have people hitting on me anywhere in Singapore. But, the Indian guy kept trying to get me to dance with him, and his hands were moving to some rather private and personal regions, but this time, I did push his hands away (as did my friend, when he was dancing with her). He later came over to tell me that he thought I was "incredibly cute" but I mis-heard, and thinking he was referring to my friend, said, "Yes, she is" before he clarified, "Not her, you." It was late and I was quite surprised given that I do think she's better-looking than I am, and could only reply in astonishment, "Me??" I had been talking to another guy before he came over, so he said, "sorry to interrupt" and left.

So, yeah. I had an eventful night. I feel a little ashamed at snogging a guy I don't have any feelings for, but I'm also defiant, wondering why anyone should judge me for anything I do as long as no one gets hurt. I'm sick and tired of suffering from good Catholic girl guilt syndrome. I just want to enjoy life, damn it!

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