Thursday, December 14, 2006

I'm back from my business trip. In the meantime, I had a secret admirer for a day when a bouquet of flowers was delivered to my hotel on Monday. The identity of the admirer was later revealed, but for a whole day, I seriously thought it was someone from my office because I didn't recall telling anyone else which hotel I was staying at. It turned out to be someone I'd only just met. I haven't yet got in touch with him to thank him for the flowers, partly because I'm not interested in him but mostly because of the next incident.

While chatting with a colleague in one of our overseas offices over our electronic messaging system, I asked what I thought was a friendly yet mostly innocent question, and he clued into the fact that I like him. Look, in spite of my intelligence, I can be a little stupid sometimes, and today's hangover definitely didn't help matters. I apologised for asking that question. He seemed stunned and yet still friendly, but I totally freaked out and literally ran out on the conversation, walking several blocks to grab a quick dinner and also to clear my head. My face had turned flaming red and while only one other person was around, I definitely did not want to have to face anyone at that point in time.

I came back to find a message from him telling me that if I wanted, he could pretend that he'd never heard the question, and that we could still do dinner when he gets back to Singapore.

Now, honestly? I don't know. I have a massive fear of rejection, in spite of the times I've just sucked it up and asked strangers for their numbers, or told friends I liked them. In case you're wondering, I usually always take the friends route first, figuring it's safer, but more often than, not, it just leads you into a quandary where you can't figure out whether to tell them or just be friends.

And right now? I just feel like continuing to run because I'm so freaking embarrassed. I hadn't decided whether to tell him when we have dinner in a week's time and today, it just comes out. Just like that. I am such an idiot.

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