Saturday, June 19, 2010

So I'm catching up on TV again, but over the Internet because I get zero reception in my building. I know I tend to see symbolism everywhere I go, whether it's in a book I'm reading, a song I'm listening to on the radio or a show I'm watching. So today's sign of the day is from Grey's Anatomy - Season 4, Episode 6: Bridezillas.

In this episode, a man has plunged 12,000 feet without a parachute and survived unscathed (well, except for a small scar). He's feeling invincible for the moment, but gets very jittery once Meredith tells him that that feeling will go away, and that he needs to tell so-and-so that he loves her.

He's scared. Who wouldn't be? He thinks she's out of his league, and, there's no way she could return his feelings.

And here's when the anvil falls. Meredith points out that if she doesn't love him, then he can move on. He'll be embarrassed and hurting, but he'll get over it and move on. If he never tells her, if he never finds out how she feels, "then that won't be your only scar."

Why is it a sign for me? Recently, in spite of all the efforts I've undertaken, there is still that one guy I fell for last year, close to a year ago now. He could so easily have been rebound guy. Instead, we started out as friends, and I fell because, well, I wasn't expecting to, and I liked everything about him. We still see each other every now and then, and, when I see him, we just laugh and chat as friends do, but the moment we part, there's this feeling which comes over me, this giddy, intense feeling that I really do like him a lot.

And every time I drink, a bright idea pops into my head that perhaps I should lay my cards out on the table and just tell him once and for all, that it's not the small thing I made it out to be the last time we had that conversation which led to all sorts of mixed signals on either side, and that I, for whatever reason, am in love with him.

And every time I sober up, I just wonder what the heck I was thinking.

But I do think it's true what Meredith said. I feel that by telling him, even if he doesn't reciprocate, maybe I can finally move on, because I've laid it all out.

Or maybe I can just hope that I'll fall for someone else soon enough, someone closer to my age, and without the professional commitments CG has.

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