Saturday, July 03, 2010

I got an incredibly sweet text from CG yesterday night. I didn't react to it very well, but, once I'd sobered up the following day, I recognised it for what it was: a nice gesture from someone decent who seems to value my friendship in the same way I value his.

It's one of the main reasons I decided to tell him. I just sensed he wouldn't run and hide from me just because this crazy, nutty older woman had had the misfortune to fall for him.

In a nutshell, he apologised for not returning my feelings, and that something similar had happened to him, only he was the one whose feelings weren't reciprocated, but that he and his friend are still good friends, and that he hoped the same would apply to us.

Like I said, very sweet. Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for such a text, and a glitch with his phone meant that the text hadn't been sent when it was meant to be sent, which was the same day I told him.

So I reacted much like a wounded bear with a splinter in its paw does when someone's trying to help. I roared. I asked him to just get that I felt like an idiot, even though I was incredibly hammered, and that I'm not that tough a girl, and if he could just understand that this isn't easy on me, I'd be grateful.

And, apparently, he responded that he did get that, but this was after I passed out on my bed, still in my work clothes, both Blackberries beside my head (no, I don't know why that happened either). I only saw it when I woke up at half past six this morning, unable to remember anything after unlocking the door to my building.

So I replied, apologising for the aggression in my text the night before, and said I'd see him in a few weeks. Then I put on the Glee cover of Cyndi Lauper - True Colours and Savage Garden - Crash and Burn and let myself have a good cry.

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