I've been so bogged down by work lately, and this week hasn't been as full of work as the previous few weeks, it has been one of the more frustrating ones since I've come back. I've reached the stage of general apathy, and yet, still trying to work. It's like swimming against the tide. I just feel too young to have started work, too immature to have to deal with all this stress and politicking.

"Don't worry," my friend said, "You just have to sit down there and look pretty." Hah! I may have been pretty and exotic (and also pretty exotic) in London, but here... no way. I look tired all the time and I have way too sharp a tongue to be the docile, feminine, demure girl of their dreams. But then, if I were that kind of girl, I wouldn't be working in the company I'm working in. On the other hand, if I were smarter, I'd be able to pull the 'innocent and gentle kitten' image off, and show, when really needed, that this kitty has claws.

I find that I'm different around local guys (by local, I mean those who have stayed here all their lives) than I am around those who have been overseas. It's like I instinctively believe that those who have been overseas won't misinterpret and misunderstand my intentions when I act naturally, and the local boys... man, you give 'em an inch, and they go for a yard. It's like if a girl is nice, which I sometimes still am fundamentally, it means she likes you. I've had some experiences like that in the past, and granted, they were immature, young boys, but still, the guys my age... don't strike me as being any more mature than they were six years ago.

Harsh, but true.

My friend is in a crisis. She's met someone who's totally like the guy of her dreams and who's very into her too... unfortunately, this was while she was on holiday in the US and she'll be coming back home before long to work for the next couple of years. She's fallen in love with him - quite possibly for the first time in her life, and she doesn't know what to do.

Me? I'm just trying to be a good friend. Admittedly, there's nothing adequate that you can say to someone in a situation like that. I'm a little envious in a way. Despite my wanting to focus on my career right now, I would quite frankly, like to be with someone. I want to be the kind of person who sweeps people off that feet and make them fall madly in love with me. I want people to look at me and say, "Wow, she's really got a zest for living!"

Why do I want so badly to be someone that I'm not?

But this isn't about me. It's about my friend. And all I'm doing is listening. I guess that's the best thing I can do.

On a couch potato note, one of my favourite teen shows is coming back this week - Buffy!

I was a little sad after watching the last episode ever of Felicity last week. I guess I really like all these shows because I wish my life was a little more like theirs - love interests, passion, romance, adventure and some sort of direction (as in they sort of know what they want to do with their lives).

Funny, isn't it? We're all taught to be practical - to choose education and a career over love, since the first two will always serve you well, but there's no guarantee that the latter will be there for you all the time. At the same time, the implicit message from every show, every book is that the one great thing that will give you happiness is love. All I know is, when push comes to shove, the one thing that I keep saying I'll choose will always be work. Work is my number one priority now, the same way studies were my number one priority when I was schooling. Has that paid off? Not really but then I don't really have any basis for comparison. My life, despite the numerous opportunities that I've had that others haven't, just seems very boring and empty.

A friend said, when you have a boyfriend, there's someone who's always there for you, for you to share your stress and worries with. But when you're single, even though you have more freedom, the stress you feel is practically double that than when you're part of a couple. Man, do I know what she means.

I just recalled that I have a fair amount of things due by the beginning of next week. I could feel my stress level increase like by three notches. Not a good week.

Ikea is like the perfect place to shop. It's full of the most useless junk that you never thought you could do without. You wander through aisles and aisles of shelves, CD storage racks, boxes, beds, tables, sofas etc. and wonder how you could have survived for so long without brightly coloured storage boxes, or photo frames made out of wire, or oddly shaped glass jars.

I remember chuckling at the description of decor at my university's accommodation centre - modern, classic or Ikea - and right now, an Ikea-designed room honestly doesn't seem like that bad an idea to me.

I've just finished reading Bret Easton Ellis's American Psycho. This is the third of his books that I've read, the first two being Glamorous and The Rules of Attraction. I have got to say that I don't see what's so fantastic about his writing. I don't understand his books at all. They seem (or at least for Glamourous and American Psycho) to be filled with an inordinate amount of violence and sex, and seem to be about people who are either living a life of utter and complete weirdness or have no grasp of reality whatsoever. I haven't figured it out yet. While some people might point out that therein lies the genius of his writing, I'm going to have to argue that just because there's no coherence in his writing, and just because readers haven't a clue as to what's going on with the main characters, it doesn't make Ellis a great writer. American Psycho did have some pretty good lines, but sadly, the whole was not greater than the sum of its parts.

I mean, if you want to read a novel about Americans leading weird lives, Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club is so much better. Now that was a good book with a definite unexpected twist. It was also a pretty good movie, unlike American Psycho.

This is me right here.

I can just imagine God getting tired of listening to me whine!

This week's Friday Five:

1. How many houses/apartments have you lived in throughout your life?
Six. Two here, three in England and one in America for the summer.

2. Which was your favorite and why?
The one which I'm living in now. I've stayed here for more than two thirds of my life and as such, it's bound to have a lot of good memories. Also, the room which I stayed in during my final year. I had fantastic neighbours.

3. Do you find moving house more exciting or stressful? Why?
Stressful. I hate saying goodbye, but most especially, after having moved so many times in London, I hate packing.

4. What's more important, location or price?
Location, no doubt about it.

5. What features does your dream house have (pool, spa bath, big yard, etc.)?
My ultimate dream home would have a pool with a fountain in the middle of it, a spa of some sort, a dance studio and a yard to picnic in from time to time.

Why am I even thinking about this? I'll never be able to afford a house, especially not in the place I'm living!

This SARS thing is annoying. I don't know whether I'm being paranoid or sensible, but I haven't been going out much over the last week, even foregoing the gym because my gym is airconditioned and I don't trust non-open-air places right now. But whenever I don't feel well, and that's been three times so far this week, I get worried whether I might be coming down with the virus. And as I'm scared to go to the doctor's because I'm certain the risk at the doctor's is higher than if I stayed home, I'm also worried that I might be being selfish and might be passing it on to other people.

Hmm. Sweden are playing Australia in the Davis Cup quarterfinal right now and are already two matches down. Looks like they're definitely going to be losing the third match as well, seeing as Australia are two sets up. Pity, seeing as the quarterfinal is being played in Malmo and the Swedish spectators seem so enthusiastic about tennis.