Sunday, July 30, 2006

I went for a midnight walk yesterday for some fresh air to clear my head (I didn't want to do my thinking at home, where all of my stuff would have cluttered up what I wanted to think about) and ended up at Zouk. I wasn't feeling my usual social self (as in I didn't mind being in a place full of people, I just didn't want to deal with people I didn't know well) and wandered into the main room to take in Aldrin's set. His tunes were great, as usual, but he really needs to stop having that many breakdowns, at least in the first half of his sets. It'd be interesting to see if he could keep the energy level up consistently without having to bring it down and build it up what felt like five times in the hour and a half I was there.

After that refreshing time spent in my sanctuary, I felt fortified enough to wander into Twee Like Me at Phuture, which was the set I'd originally wanted to check out. I knew I would enjoy the music, but, quite frankly, I needed the strength to be able to endure the crowd. There's nothing wrong with the people there, just that I tend to find them a little intimidating. I can walk onto the Zouk dance floor without knowing anyone down there and dance my socks off and not give a damn, but can't do that for the indie/pop/so-many-sub-genres-it's-almost-laughable crowd. And honestly, if I had another friend there, I probably would have dragged him or her onto the dance floor and danced, particularly when a series of New Wave and rather Mambo-like tunes came on (True Faith, Take On Me, What Have I Done to Deserve This and Love Will Tear Us Apart).

But I didn't. Instead, I leaned against a wall, watched the dancers and just enjoyed the music, which I found was rather easy on the ears, although my Zouk regular friends really couldn't take it. It's rather odd for someone like me to listen to music and not move. Even when I'm at places like Wala Wala, my friends and I end up dancing at the back of the room.

So why wasn't I dancing? Well, there was another friend there. And recently, with this friend, I've taken on another persona whenever I meet up with this person, as opposed to when I'm chatting online or just texting. That person gets to face me in my Corporate persona on my worst day (i.e. when I'm hard-a**ed, tough as nails and generally, almost b****y). And Corporate Me (CM for short) doesn't dance (mostly for fear of looking like an idiot), and with respect to this friend, CM doesn't - or will not - break, unlike the other Me's that've been hurt, albeit unintentionally, by said friend. And mostly, I guess, I'm afraid of allowing myself to have fun while that person (and that person only) is around, because, well... it's hard to explain. But I'm a little saddened I've to turn off the easygoing, fun-loving person that I am with respect to this person because the costs of not doing so are just a little too high. Thankfully, when other people are around, I'm not CM to them as well, just this one person.

So it was with a certain amount of relief when I headed back to Zouk when I could throw myself into the pulsating sounds of dirty, tribal house and tear up the dance floor. I guess you could say Zouk, and by this, I mean the main room, really is my second home and my (other) church, so happy and fulfilled was I when I began to dance.

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