First, second and third

I really haven't had much time to update this recently, given that I have been spending the week at work, and my spare time either catching up on the awesome Danish series, Forbrydelsen ("The Killing" on BBC 4, although it really means "the crime" and a good investment of 20 hours of my life) or spending time with CWS.

Despite the last few posts, if you've been following me on Twitter, you'll realise that we had our first proper date last weekend, although a quick count established that we have probably been out more than a dozen times before that, few of which were properly planned (if that is to be the definition of a date).

Don't Settle

You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

- Steve Jobs, commencement speech, Stanford University, 2005

There are many things that one cannot prevent. One can no more stop the stars from shining than one can stop the tide from coming in. In the same way, I just cannot seem to prevent my mind from going around in circles over this, for lack of a better word, problem.

I know what it is a rational, logical person would do under these circumstances. And I am, indeed, a rational, logical person with common sense in spades. This, I realised today, when talking a client through the trends in the industry I work in, despite only having been working in this sector for just over a month now.

Yet, that main strength in work, is something which fails so very often when I think about love and relationships. My all-too-compassionate and foolhardy heart seems to win out over my wisdom nine times out of ten.

Did you ever...

Did you ever have one of those moments in your life when you feel, more or less, like a cat that's just been startled and is flattening itself against a wall and is wondering whether to attack or flee?

I don't mean it literally, of course, but, right now, I kind of feel as though I have, in a moment of pure foolishness and overconfidence, managed to wander down the, well, not wrong path, but definitely not the right one either, and am trying to stop myself from going any further before it turns out to be too late for me to turn back.

The perks of not dating... and a bad dream

Some time in May, because of the fact that I was going to be out of London for quite a fair bit of time, I decided to take a dating hiatus. I did have a few people ask me out during that time, but I'd asked to postpone any meeting up until after I got back from Australia.

And I felt so better for taking that pressure off myself, as dating, well, it's hard enough as it is, and I didn't think anything would come out of meeting someone and then going off for a few months, because, by the time I got back, surely any chemistry or good feelings would have faded.

Augh!

Fine. Seeing as I am simply not getting the time to do a long post, this will have to suffice for the next few days.

The Major Dealbreaker here is that this certain someone has a kid. I just can't handle that - at least, so I think - and, quite honestly, my mind just shuts down when it's forced to think about it. He has been very upfront and told me about it the first time we met, and I am majorly annoyed that I let it get this far.

Secondly, I think I was doing okay with hiM, not really telling him too much other than the aforementioned paragraph until last weekend, when, in a moment of being-back-in-London-and-getting-to-see-my-best-friend-again joy, I drunk-dialled that someone. And I don't remember too much of what we talked about.

Sigh.

I only know that the call made him happy, and that he won't tell me what I said until we meet up in person.

Crap, crap and double crap.

Help, I'm Falling...

I have been meaning, nay, needing to blog about this for a very long time now, but hadn't done so because a certain someone knew that I blogged. He has since told me that he doesn't read it out of respect for my privacy, so I will write somewhat openly and honestly about this a tad later when I have more time. Work, you see, has been killing me and my flat badly needs cleaning after having been empty for so long,

In the meantime though, let me point you to @missldaydream's post on what I am currently going through. I do not want to be at the stage I am at, and this is currently causing me a great deal of distress. I really want to put a stop to it, just draw myself back from the edge before it's too late, because, really, if I have been forewarned, and I know I cannot do this, it's better to put a stop to things now when the level of hurt that will be caused - on one, if not both sides - will be so much easier to deal with compared to when it's further down the line, right?

I really need to find someone or someones to distract me. And to just stop interacting with him all together, methinks, because, clearly, annoyingly, the distance and time difference have done nada to his ability to enthral me.

Stopover

I had a surprisingy great last week in Sydney at quite possibly the worst time for me to have a good week of that nature. I ended up seeing this guy three times over the past three days, none of which would technically be considered dates, seeing as they were more of the "if you happen to be in the area and have some free time" kind of meet ups, but, still, that is a lot of times to be meeting up with someone I am trying my hardest to be just friends with.

I will be getting a bit of a breather when I get back to London, but only for a week or so, and I am not terribly sure how I want to approach this.

Expect the unexpected

I am, apparently, going to be leading the London office of my company. That's because I am experienced, likeable, articulate and intelligent. I certainly didn't expect that.

I also didn't expect to be warned, in a manner of speaking, about the eccentricities of my boss, as well as his paranoid and controlling tendencies.

So, what I have is a role that seems to offer me a tremendous opportunity to grow and develop, but one in which I have to be incredibly mindful of office politics. I didn't think it was possible to have politics in an office that small, but I guess it goes to show you how little I know and how naive I can be.

And, lastly, I definitely didn't expect to have gone on what could be considered one incredibly extended date, and certainly not when I am so far away from home.

Mini-crisis

As ever, I am in a bit of a crisis. I started my new job last week and have been fighting between feeling exceedingly bored in Sydney as I know no one outside of work and feeling very stressed as I have been leaving the office past 8 pm most nights. I have also had clarification on my role in the new London office; I am indeed expected to take on a leadership role and be "the face" of the company there.

Good thing I'm pretty. That might help make up for my lack of experience and knowledge.

Work aside (and I really should be working on my presentations now), I am looking forward to meeting up with a friend flying into Sydney this weekend. In a way, I guess it could be a date, had I not ruled that out. He is nice and all, but there is A Big Thing I am not able to get past (gasp, yes, a Dealbreaker), and, even though I kind of like him, I know for a fact that I can't deal with it, so no go.

Still, at the rate work is going, it looks like I made the right call in deciding I really don't have the time or energy for dating.

Why does life have to be so darn complicated?

Link: Looking for Someone: Sex, Love and Loneliness on the Internet [The New Yorker]

A really interesting article on the evolution of Internet dating from The New Yorker:

The most valuable asset is attractive females. As soon as you get them, you get loads of creepy guys.

This explains so much.

[via @TomEats on Twitter]

Girl Talk

Finally met up with the bride face-to-face for the first time in just about a year (as we've been living in different countries).

Me: You do realise I've had to turn down many dates because I was flying off home and had to get things ready for your wedding?
Bride: Really? Do tell.

(Several stories later)

Me: So, yes, I'd love to have you both as guests at my wedding, but, at this rate, it's never going to happen, and it'll be all your fault as to why I never got married.
B.: Pshaw, none of them sound good enough for you anyway.

Hedgehog Days

Is there such a term as a hedgehog day? You know, the kind of day when all you want to do is not talk to anyone, and just stay home or just deal with the familiar. Why 'hedgehog'? Because hedgehogs look cute and adorable, but there are times when they curl up with all the spines on the outside (or so I imagine, or this metaphor won't work).

Anyway, if it's not a term, it ought to be.

'Cos this week has been a hedgehog week.

Prelude to the adventure

Written on June 7th during the flight from London

So, here I am, once again on my way to Buenos Aires. The last time was a life-changing experience. This time around, I think it would be asking way too much of the universe to expect the same thing to happen.

Still, so much has been surprising just this year alone, so, who knows?

Une Grande Aventure

This probably isn't the latest I've been up packing for a flight that takes place in a few hours. However, this is probably the sickest I've felt pre-boarding in a long time. I went to bed close to 11 pm and woke up around 2 am just so I could commence packing (although, in my defence, I'd laid out my stuff to be packed on the floor, and just hadn't put them in my backpack).

I'm also in a bit of a state, having discovered that I'm not able to check-in online due to some complexity to do with codesharing airlines and purchasing tickets via an online travel agent. Has anyone ever experienced this before? I'm not too stressed out as que sera, sera, but, while on the phone with Expedia earlier, I heard a tremor in my voice that I hadn't heard in a long time, much to my embarrassment. The last time I sounded that panicky to someone who didn't know me was when I missed my flight back to Singapore close to a decade before and had no idea what to do.

Doing Something

Been busy over the last few weeks getting my flat ready for home improvement works. I'm at the final stages now and am looking forward to having my weekends back, although, given that I've got visitors this week (among them, my new employers, fingers crossed for that one), and a couple of overseas trips coming up very soon (not to mention the fact that I haven't planned for them just yet), I guess I still won't be all that free.

Nevertheless, I'm trying Doing Something out. Doing Something's a London-based dating site focusing on the things that people like to do, as opposed to other more traditional sites. Also, there's currently a free three-month membership promotion (courtesy of Qype), so it's really not costing me anything other than time.

Why friends shouldn't be allowed to set you up

A little while ago, I received a text from my friend asking if it was okay for her to give someone my number. This little text was accompanied by a question: "You trust me, right?"

Those four words were enough to make me suspicious, so I called her to find out what was up. It turned out that she'd met a Mediterranean type while out drinking with her Mediterranean friend, and, upon finding out he was single, just happened to show him my photo.

To be exact, she'd grabbed his iPhone, opened up Facebook and showed him my photo.

Is something wrong with me? No? Damn.

I had a much-needed catching up with the Person yesterday; she told me all about her holiday and how, just sometimes, it ain’t that easy being part of a couple when the boyfriend suffers from the curse of being born in the dreaded Year of the Eternal Child (something another friend’s boyfriend and my brother occasionally suffers from).

In return, I told her about how I’d sort of rediscovered my focus. I still haven’t quite found it fully (hence the 'sort of'), but I feel as though I have a renewed sense of purpose, and am trying not to stress about the things I have no control over, and, that as long as I’ve done the best I could, that’s really all I can ask for. Still, I acknowledged that I couldn’t change that part of me overnight, but, nevertheless, I was  still trying.

My worst date in London so far

Two of my best friends are getting married to each other this summer. I'm really excited for them. Also, I get to be one of the maids-of-honour!

Now, both of them are well aware of my trials and tribulations, despite my moving so far away. The groom-to-be, in particular, loves to hear stories of my bad dates. His favourite so far has been the one about the worst date I have been on in London*, where the guy involved will henceforth be known as "WDIL".

A long-winded post on shopping

I've always been a bit of a shopaholic. Well, that's not strictly true. I became one after I started work. Come to think of it, I started drinking after I started work as well, so I guess the vast majority of my addictions can be traced back to the same period (or, potentially, same cause).

In any case, this week, I have purchased:

• Two dresses (one shirt dress and one mini dress)
• Two top
• One jacket 
• One very comfortable pair of gym trousers 
• Some pretty designer lingerie 
• One handbag
• A pair of earrings
• A watch
• An octopus ring (photo at end of this post)

It's all been part of my "damn it, I want to treat myself and blow a portion of my bonus!!!" mentality, although that, thankfully, there's a part of my brain that's still focusing on making sure I can pay my mortgage and retire someday too.

I'm also trying to figure out where to go before I head home for my annual visit.

Post-My Single Friend... Still Single

So the time has come for me to call it quits on My Single Friend, the online dating site I've been on for over four months. I was e-mailed by a few people, met up with three and had a few add me to faves but didn't do anything when I responded positively.

Of the three I met up with, one was patently unsuitable from the very beginning, the next was nice to talk to and all but it kind of felt like an extremely slow-burning relationship if there was anything there at all (not to mention I got the sense he was dealing with some family issues), while the third was the most promising, with us getting to the third date stage.