Kurt Vonnegut said,

We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down.

I've been holding back in my job a little because I'm being flung into territory that I don't have experience in. This, in spite of knowing that this is what I've been wanting for a while: the exposure to new things, to prove that I am capable of doing anything and everything they throw at me. While part of my reluctance is due to my fear of rejection, my reaction's mostly because I'm plain tuckered out from work, not having had a decent break in while.

Then, I saw this quote. It resounded with me so much so that today, I'm starting to enjoy work again.

Which cliff have you jumped off today?

MSN conversation with one of my best friends who's overseas:
Me (on the various reasons for wanting a change in job): And - this may sound silly - but I'm just thinking, the men here are crap, I need to get out of here so that I can meet someone decent.
She: Are they really that bad?

At this moment, a guy who's been bugging me since the day we met comes on and - guess what? - starts bugging me in the worst way that guys who have no clue that the girl has no interest in them whatsoever can.

Me: Do you think it would be really mean of me to tell said guy who's bugging me and who just broke up and is bemoaning the fact that he chose her above me (and honestly, he didn't, I wasn't interested in him but he just doesn't get it) and that he's paying for it now, that we would never have worked out so he chose right?
She: No. Tell him he chose right and he deserved everything that happened after. I hate men like that. One should be responsible for what one does.
Me: I was really glad when she came along because she kept him from bugging me.
She: Ha ha ha! Is he Singaporean, Chinese and our age.
Me: Yes, yes and yes again.
She: Oh God. COME TO LONDON.

That just about sums it up.

While browsing through the most recent issue of The Economist, I came across what must be the most serious, yet most hilarious epistle that has graced the Letters page of the periodical.

So hip it hurts

SIR – We are Japanese-comic fans who want you to know that you made a mistake and we are embarrassed for you (“Kick-ass maidens”, September 2nd). The picture you showed in your article is not of a woman but is our favourite male ass-kicker, Kenshin Himura. We understand how you got confused because he looks like a girl, but he is a boy. Feel free to consult with us on any Japanese-comic articles you do in the future.

Darla, 14
Antonia, 12
Kaitlyn, 12

New York

Finding this rather funny, I showed it to my mother, expecting her to laugh, only to have her say, "Oh yes, that's Samurai X!"

Heh.

Why it rocks to be alive:

Decadent goodness from the champagne brunch at the Grand Hyatt

When crossing over from Raffles City to Raffles Swissotel today, I had to undergo a bag search prior to entering the hotel as part of the IMF/World Bank security checks that have been put in place. When searching my bag, the policeman found a copy of The Financial Times. The following ensued.

Policeman: What's that?
Me: It's The Financial Times. It's a newspaper.
P.: What kind of paper is it?
Me.: (looking at it and thinking perhaps the colour of the paper has thrown him off) It's newsprint.
P.: Is there written in it?
Me.: It's a newspaper. (followed by a silent duh!)
P.: Is there anything in it?

At this point, I take out the paper from my bag and shake it open to prove that I don't have anything hidden in it.

The policeman waves me on.

Later on, as I related this incident to a friend, he said, "I think he wanted to know if there was anything inflammatory written in the paper."

Ooooh. That, I get. Why couldn't he have asked that in the first place?

As an aside on K., K. is an American-born Chinese. He and I used to work for the same company. We met about 3.5 years ago as part of our work. He and I are the same age, and we get on really well. He sings amazingly well, can sound exactly like Louis Armstrong, and has a "big black booty to go with [his] big black voice." This last fact emerged when he was sharing a cab with a couple of us one day and we found ourselves a little more squashed than expected. Anyway, I think he's cool, and he happens to think the same way about me.

The thing is - and you've probably guessed by now - I have had a crush on him ever since the day we met. I've not done anything about it so far because we work in different countries. We e-mail each other regularly and occasionally talk about our respective relationship situations. A friend of mine who I went with to Hong Kong last year commented that she thought he and I would make a pretty good couple after observing how we interacted last year.

But again, the problem remains: He works in Hong Kong, I work in Singapore, and we both don't go to the other person's country at all. And quite frankly, even if we were to work in the same country, I don't think I'd ever do anything, because we've been friends for a while now. I wouldn't want to jeopardise our friendship.

Sometimes, it seems that one of the problems I face vis-a-vis relationships is that the guys I meet who I may have a chance of having a relationship with are based overseas. It does suck, and when I said that I felt the perfect relationship would be a long-distance one, I was only partly joking. K. is most definitely one of the guys I had in mind when I said that. As for the other, that has even less of a chance of materialising than anything with K does.

Oh well.

Je suis retournée! I have completed phase I of my incredibly hectic travelling schedule for this month. I'll be leaving on business again on Friday and will be returning the following Saturday. I'll be leaving again for Hong Kong two weeks after that. In between, I'll be taking two days off in one of the cities I'll be visiting just to get some exploring in.

Being a jet-setting business traveller who's racking up the air miles isn't all it's cracked up to be. Yes, I'm excited that I will soon have sufficient air miles on my frequent flyer card to redeem a regional flight (and probably will do so later in the year), but the packing, planning and the lack of steady human contact does get to you after a while. You may say that I've only been gone for a week, and surely cannot have been affected by this so soon, but I have done a lot of solo travelling, and not having at least one good friend around does affect me a little.

On my first day in Hong Kong, I was having dinner with some friends before I received a call which required me to go into the office at 9 pm that night in order to get out some information to senior management. So I went in. There were some problems with the software, and in the end, even after spending 2.5 hours in the office, I was unable to get out the information required as neither my boss nor I were convinced that what the software was telling us was accurate. A colleague who I called for help and who I hadn't met face to face just yet chuckled a little when I called, and said, "Welcome to Hong Kong." Indeed.

To top off my welcome, I found myself trapped in the restroom as to exit the restroom requires you to use a staff access card to get back into the office. After about ten minutes of fruitlessly looking for a way back in (my mobile phone was in my bag which I had left on the desk with my colleague), I managed to locate where the security guards were slacking off and got myself back in. When I related this anecdote to my colleagues back in Singapore, their response was, "Awww, you could have stayed there and saved the office one night of hotel rental!" Thanks, guys.

I won't bore you with details on how the rest of the week went; essentially, until Friday night, I didn't have any time to explore anything other than my office and my hotel room. And on Friday night, I met up with K., a former colleague, and his high school friends, and partied Hong Kong style, i.e. drinking lots of beer, playing dice games and singing karaoke. I don't quite think I'm cut out for HK-style partying (at least, not too often), because after 2.5 beers imbibed over two hours (although I concede beer is not my strongest drink, and I did down a fair amount as opposed to sipping it), I made my way back to the hotel room and found myself emptying my stomach of all of its contents about 45 minutes later. I really have grown a lot weaker since leaving my previous company. As K. remarked later, that's the way anyone should leave Hong Kong - massively hung over, but still up for a repeat session. And indeed I am. I'm looking forward to renewing my friendship with K. under quieter circumstances, and I ought to be able to do so later on in the year.

Amidst all of that, I found myself in the middle of a personal crisis: is this really the kind of life I want to lead for the next few years? On the one hand, yes, it is. Being a jet-setting employee involved in all sorts of time-intensive and high value deals is something I think I can do. The sense of satisfaction I get when a deal closes is second to none, at least in the work arena.

On the other hand, the long hours, the lack of human contact, the knowledge that I'm being underpaid in relation to the effort I put in, as well as the fear that I'm losing more of myself to work every single day in addition to the usual "if I can't manage my life as it is right now, how do I ever expect to deal with having a steady relationship, much less a family one day?" issue that most career women face do get to me quite a lot.

Honestly, I don't know if I can ever sort this out. I'm not sure if I want to remain in this industry forever, nor do I know if the Masters I so want to take should be related to getting myself ahead in what I do. It's a really tough decision, and as someone once said, I do sound as if I need either a break, or someone to break me off from this. Knowing the kind of person I am, the former is not likely. As for the latter, I do not see a knight in shining armour on the horizon, so I fully expect to be dealing with this issue for quite some time yet.