Sunday, February 20, 2011

Dating Resolutions (aka How I Plan to Survive Dating)

I know, I know. I'm a little late on this one, regardless of whether I'm going by the Roman calendar or the Chinese calendar. And it's not as if I'd just thought of these, as I'm already informally sticking to these guidelines (that's right, guidelines, not rules), but thought I might as well write them down, if only to either get some insight on them, or just so people can get additional insight into how I think. Not that anyone really wants that. My mind ain't a pretty place, I tell ya, all cluttered with illogic and stuff.

Anyhoo, here goes:
  1. Be brave. This is really self-explanatory, isn't it? Even though I forked out for a membership on the site, my friend still had to kick my a** to get me to send some messages after the first few non-responses. Although given what I've been up to recently (which include approaching a cute guy on the street to ask for his number only to find out he bats for the other team), you'd think being brave or buay pai seh wouldn't be an issue for me. But it is.
  2. Be more open-minded. This one is a little harder. I don't really have a type unless that guy's Oriental, in which case, there's a certain kind of physique which most definitely appeals to me. In any case, a friend's noticed that any type I had is long gone, whether it's physical, occupational or what not. 
  3. There will always be a second date. This is here because some of my friends have said that I'm too judgmental. It's partly true. I used to have this rule that I'd go out with anyone who asked me out at least once. Not because I was desperate or anything, but because I recognise it takes courage for someone to ask someone else out, and that I didn't want to be the person that ruined that guy for women thereafter. Then I grew older and realised that I was being ridiculous and didn't have that much time and patience to waste on people. And then my own father told me last year that he thought I wrote people off too quickly. So I thought I'd set myself a second date rule. That being said, this has already broken. I wrote the first guy I met off the online dating site after the first date. There's a fine line between giving someone a chance and torturing myself.
  4. Slow down. To be honest, this isn't a problem for me at all. It's more a problem for the other party! Take a case in question when a guy mentioned he was potentially high maintenance in certain areas which shall remain unspecified. A friend asked me, "Did you tell him you're Catholic and all?" My response: "It didn't seem like the right moment..."*
  5. Keep fit. 'Cos, quite frankly, all the drinks, coffee, cakes, snacks, dinners and lunches are definitely going to go to my hips otherwise. Plus, it's a good way to blow off steam.
  6. Love myself. I am a fantastic person who is incredibly good at my job and a wonderful friend. I am a person of many talents: I can dance, am unafraid to butcher songs, and can get along well with almost anyone. To top that off, I am living in one of the best cities in the world. I can be perfectly happy just as I am. I have great friends and family. Not getting a response from anyone in no way invalidates that.
As I told a friend recently, dating - online or not - is scary. Online dating can be much worse in so many ways, because you are putting much more of yourself out there than you would if you were getting picked up in a bar. In a bar, people are pretty much judging you based on your looks. It may be superficial, but it's the truth, and it's only one piece of the whole puzzle.  

Online, they're judging you based on, well, everything.

Plus, it does take some of the romance out of the whole process, especially when people write to you for ages on end, asking endless questions, without ever looking as if they'd like to meet up. Yes, women liked to be courted and wooed and writing to them asking them out for dinner immediately may not be the proper way, but neither do we want someone to try and find out everything there is to know about us before even meeting. There's a fine line and I guess we're all trying to figure out how best to tread it.

* Not that I don't ever plan on telling him, just that the moment that topic of conversation came up was most definitely not the right moment. Trust me.

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