Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Why friends shouldn't be allowed to set you up

A little while ago, I received a text from my friend asking if it was okay for her to give someone my number. This little text was accompanied by a question: "You trust me, right?"

Those four words were enough to make me suspicious, so I called her to find out what was up. It turned out that she'd met a Mediterranean type while out drinking with her Mediterranean friend, and, upon finding out he was single, just happened to show him my photo.

To be exact, she'd grabbed his iPhone, opened up Facebook and showed him my photo.

Now, I am a vain female. This means my profile picture is one in which I think I look pretty damn smokin' hot. It's also a very high bar to live up to, and should not be the first photo anyone sees of me. Seriously. Because it's all downhill from there. I mean it.

Naturally enough, he asked her for my contact details. She gave it to him, told him to ask me out for dinner and forced me to accept (through gentle persuasion aka emotional blackmail).

So, a few days after Medi Guy met my friend, we went out to one of my favourite restaurants for dinner. It was rather awkward, particularly once I discovered that he wasn't a friend of my friend's friend as I'd originally thought (or as my friend had potentially misrepresented, as she confessed she'd drank quite a bit and couldn't remember how the night of the meeting went), and we talked about his country, my country, how hard he worked, and how nice the food was.

When the dinner drew to an end, I found myself thinking about how to end the date and whether he deserved a second date.

Then he asked if he could kiss me. I said no. "Why not?" he queried. Valid question, I guess, but I just said I didn't feel like it, it's not something I do on the first date. And it's not, unless it's a kiss on the cheek or a peck on the lips.

Then he leaned in and tried anyway, putting his arms around my waist. I put my hands on his shoulders and gently but firmly held him away (all that social dance training does help) and said "no."

But whenever I turned my head away, he'd try again.

Soon after that, I made my excuses and went home.

He texted, asking when he'd see me again. Then he called. I didn't pick up. Then he called again.

So I did what all adults do. I told him I wasn't looking to date as I had far too much going on. Because isn't that what everyone does when we're fobbing people off? We lie; we say we're doing something else, that we've got other plans, that we're not looking for anything at the moment.

And I'm not particularly proud of it. I'd much rather people be straight up with me, although I acknowledge that the gentleness of the little white lie helps society function much smoother and allows all of us to exit situations with dignity rather than with awkwardness and recriminations.

But then, you find that you get into situations whereby a week or so later, he'll text again, asking how I am and whether I'm less busy now.

My friend has since apologised for setting him on me. And I still haven't replied to his text.

Lesson to be learnt: Never ever let a friend set you up, particularly if she asks "do you trust me?" 


Anonymous said...

How hilarious!! Your friend's set up techniques are a little suspect though, lol.

What *is* it with these guys who just don't get the message? I can't believe he tried to kiss you when you'd already said no. I mean, who does that?


Little Miss Random said...

On my friend's technique... YA THINK? *sigh*

And, yes. "No" means "NO", fellas. It doesn't mean, "oh, she's probably playing hard to get and she'll say yes if I try enough times!"