Thursday, September 22, 2011

First, second and third

I really haven't had much time to update this recently, given that I have been spending the week at work, and my spare time either catching up on the awesome Danish series, Forbrydelsen ("The Killing" on BBC 4, although it really means "the crime" and a good investment of 20 hours of my life) or spending time with CWS.

Despite the last few posts, if you've been following me on Twitter, you'll realise that we had our first proper date last weekend, although a quick count established that we have probably been out more than a dozen times before that, few of which were properly planned (if that is to be the definition of a date).

And how was it? Having not slept well the night before, I was incredibly tired and not quite feeling it. However, he planned it very well, and we had an amazingly enjoyable day checking out some little-known artists, eating a great Indian meal, followed by a dance show, Havana Rakatan, and drinks at a surprisingly lively bar in the West End.

Then, being the gentleman that he is, he sent me back to my doorstep. I was in complete agony by then as I'd been wearing three inch heels the whole day, and, had he not been injured, would, apparently, have carried me home. I could believe that, seeing as he's done something similar before.

The next afternoon, we ventured out for brunch.

We've seen each other every day since, having realised that we just get on so incredibly well, and seemingly unable to not tell each other things about ourselves that we haven't told anyone else.

For instance, he's heard about how I've gone off the rails a little bit since I turned 30, and how it's scared me but how I haven't really changed my behaviour. He's even worked out the reason why I sometimes go on benders, and he doesn't judge me at all for them, even though it's so clear that I do - judge myself that is - and, for some strange reason, he seems to like me even more for it.

Anyway, it's twice now that he's wanted to ask me a question/ The first time, I froze, while tonight, I told him not to ask it just yet. Despite the fact that I so clearly want to say, "yes", there's this fear that keeps me from doing so. I can't work out if it's because of the issue I once referred to as a huge Dealbreaker, or if it's just because I have had a massive fear of commitment for the longest time now.

Either way, if everything continues the way they have since the day we met, and it probably will given we have both been rather unsuccessful at scaring each other away, the third time he asks will most likely be the time I say yes once and for all.

In the meantime, I'm technically still permitted to date other people, and he says he doesn't mind because he knows just how scared I am about the fact that we've grown so comfortable with each other so quickly, not to mention the Dealbreaker. And, while there are some great dating events that have come up since summer has left, including the marvelous Down with Dating and A Game of Two Halves, I just can't bring myself to even bother, you know?

And I suppose that really does say everything about how I feel about him, doesn't it?

How on earth did this happen so quickly?


Anonymous said...

How did it 'happen so quickly'..? Because it didn't, I sense; it has happened over a few months,and you have been fighting it every step of the way. And I get why you've done that; oh, OH, do I get why you've done that (might be having a spot of that bother m'self...)

But .. but .. life often has strange and curious plans for us, and gives us what we need, not necessarily what we want. And when love calls .. it is impossible to ignore its siren call. You deserve to be loved, and loved well: I hope he's worthy of you, hun :)


Little Miss Random said...

Hi there,

Thanks for your comments! You will, of course, know that he is now my boyfriend, and that I'm giving us a chance, and am so very happy, at least right now. My heart's been broken, banged up and bruised quite a fair number of times, and so has his, but, we're both too silly to know what's good for us, so wish us luck!

All the best with your situation too! I can handle most everything - at least, so I'd like to think - but love is the one arena that usually always defeats me!