Goodbye, 2002!
You've been the best year of my life! I'll miss you!
Tuesday, December 31, 2002
Just watched Lord of the Rings II: The Two Towers today and man, it was awesome. This beat The Fellowship of the Ring hands-down. While I normally zone out somewhere during three-hour long movies, I was glued to my seat the entire time and the hour-long battle sequence was brilliantly shot and edited.
Warning - possible spoiler up ahead!
Unlike the time I watched The Fellowship, this time, my attention was fully focussed on the hunk occupying the screen - Aragorn (though Legolas wasn't too bad himself). Unkempt, unwashed, shoulder-length straggly black hair, badly needing a shave - he looked darn good. As I tend to favour dark-haired long-haired guys, I guess it should come as no surprise that I thought Aragorn was hot. Unfortunately, Viggo Mortensen doesn't look that good in real life, what with his brown short hair and shaven face. What a difference.
Anyway, there's a scene in the movie when he's speaking to Eowyn and he's telling her that as a descendant of kings, she'll never find herself in "a cage", without ever having performed the feats of glory and valour that she so dearly yearns for. Then he walks off, but not before giving her this look whereupon I distinctly recall thinking "what a flirt!" Needless to say, if he were to look at me in that way, I would swoon in half an instant and beg him to take me. Or it might cause me to toss and turn at night, unable to sleep, tantalised and tormented by the promise in those eyes...
Digression: I read somewhere that Tolkein based Elvish on a blend of Finnish - and that probably explains why Mr. Scandinavian Good Looks sounds so charming and proficient in Elvish.
And in case you're wondering why I wasn't completely focusing on Aragorn when I watched the first instalment - the answer's obvious, isn't it? I was kind of distracted that night, not being able to fully concentrate on the on-screen hunk 'cos I had a real-life one seated right beside me!
Warning - possible spoiler up ahead!
Unlike the time I watched The Fellowship, this time, my attention was fully focussed on the hunk occupying the screen - Aragorn (though Legolas wasn't too bad himself). Unkempt, unwashed, shoulder-length straggly black hair, badly needing a shave - he looked darn good. As I tend to favour dark-haired long-haired guys, I guess it should come as no surprise that I thought Aragorn was hot. Unfortunately, Viggo Mortensen doesn't look that good in real life, what with his brown short hair and shaven face. What a difference.
Anyway, there's a scene in the movie when he's speaking to Eowyn and he's telling her that as a descendant of kings, she'll never find herself in "a cage", without ever having performed the feats of glory and valour that she so dearly yearns for. Then he walks off, but not before giving her this look whereupon I distinctly recall thinking "what a flirt!" Needless to say, if he were to look at me in that way, I would swoon in half an instant and beg him to take me. Or it might cause me to toss and turn at night, unable to sleep, tantalised and tormented by the promise in those eyes...
Digression: I read somewhere that Tolkein based Elvish on a blend of Finnish - and that probably explains why Mr. Scandinavian Good Looks sounds so charming and proficient in Elvish.
And in case you're wondering why I wasn't completely focusing on Aragorn when I watched the first instalment - the answer's obvious, isn't it? I was kind of distracted that night, not being able to fully concentrate on the on-screen hunk 'cos I had a real-life one seated right beside me!
Sunday, December 29, 2002
Wednesday, December 25, 2002
Time for another You've Got Mail-ism:
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?"
I want to live. It just seems so much like I'm just blindly following the masses. Help!
"Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around?"
I want to live. It just seems so much like I'm just blindly following the masses. Help!
It's the first time in six years that I'm spending Christmas at home. For the past five years, I've either been on the plane or in London on Christmas day. It feels very strange, to be quite honest. But at the same time, it's the first time in six years that I've gotten to sing Christmas carols in church, and man, was the feeling good. I don't know whether it's a coincidence or a nice gift from above, but the song list consisted of most of my favourite carols (O Holy Night, Do You Hear What I Hear and Silent Night), and I got to show off my vocal capabilities. It helped to bring a smile to my face on a rather gloomy day.
I'm alone tonight - completely alone. And like most other singles during the festive season, I really wish I had a someone to be with. At the end of the day, I guess it would be nice to be able to believe that you could end that day with a hug from someone you really care about and feels the same way about you. In a place where there just doesn't seem to be that many opportunities for travel and excitement, and at a time when I'm finding it particular difficult to meet new people, that's not a hope that could possibly be fulfilled any time in the near future.
I'm alone tonight - completely alone. And like most other singles during the festive season, I really wish I had a someone to be with. At the end of the day, I guess it would be nice to be able to believe that you could end that day with a hug from someone you really care about and feels the same way about you. In a place where there just doesn't seem to be that many opportunities for travel and excitement, and at a time when I'm finding it particular difficult to meet new people, that's not a hope that could possibly be fulfilled any time in the near future.
You've Got Mail may not have been a brilliant movie, but it was a nice sweet romantic comedy which has this line which I've loved ever since I first heard three years ago. It sums up my feelings so completely about receiving e-mail:
"I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up. I go on line, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail.
I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you."
Of course, more often than not nowadays, I'm invariably disappointed. But still, every time I log on, I really do hold my breath...
"I turn on my computer, I wait impatiently as it boots up. I go on line, and my breath catches in my chest until I hear three little words: You've got mail.
I hear nothing, not even a sound on the streets of New York, just the beat of my own heart. I have mail. From you."
Of course, more often than not nowadays, I'm invariably disappointed. But still, every time I log on, I really do hold my breath...
Sunday, December 22, 2002
One of the secret joys in my life is taking photographs. When backpacking through various parts of Europe this year, I was always armed with my trusty 35mm camera and could always come up with a good shot or two from every trip. Granted, I did take photos of sights, attractions and scenery that have been photographed a million times over, but in its own way, each touristic shot was mine.
Looking at all the photos, it seems a woefully inadequate reminder of how much I enjoyed every trip, of how much I experienced and learned from every place I visited. Few of them captured the depth of feeling and beauty of that place at that particular point in time. Yet, they serve as an important key in unlocking all those feelings which have been buried underneath everything else that I've experienced since then.
There's nothing much to photograph here where I live - except the Christmas decorations. Cheesy as they may be, I really do wish I had a camera with which to showcase the beauty of the lights on our main shopping areas. They would put London to shame any time.
Looking at all the photos, it seems a woefully inadequate reminder of how much I enjoyed every trip, of how much I experienced and learned from every place I visited. Few of them captured the depth of feeling and beauty of that place at that particular point in time. Yet, they serve as an important key in unlocking all those feelings which have been buried underneath everything else that I've experienced since then.
There's nothing much to photograph here where I live - except the Christmas decorations. Cheesy as they may be, I really do wish I had a camera with which to showcase the beauty of the lights on our main shopping areas. They would put London to shame any time.
Saturday, December 14, 2002
It amazes me how incredibly nervous I get when I'm trying to call a guy I have favourable feelings towards. I get kind of tense and my heart starts pounding and if he isn't there, I keep thinking that I went to all that effort for nothing.
It's hard to imagine that in my line of work, I have to make dozens of calls to people who have every right to curse at me.
I don't know. I'm fine talking to guys, and asking one or two out for coffee - if they're just good friends and I don't have a crush on them or anything. Mainly because if they suspect I like them or if anyone asks me, I can legitimately say "we're just friends." However, if it's a guy I like, I don't really know how to ask them out - especially since my social circle shrank considerably since I left university. I don't get the chance to 'bump' into people and there's no real reason to call someone you've met once and ask them if they would... you know... mind catching a movie sometime?
Moving on to another somewhat related topic, why is it that in all the movies and TV shows I watch, there always seems to be a 'moment' between guys and girls whereby both of them are just looking at each other and talking... and then when there's a break in the conversation, one of them leans over to kiss the other really passionately? It always seems to happen especially if the parties involved are in high school or university. And having just left those days behind, I'm kind of frustrated, I guess, at not having experienced any of that. I want to be able to feel that buzz, that electricity with another guy and to just not think and just act.
Fat chance. I take everything so seriously that I doubt I'll ever feel that, especially not here. I would love to be able to be more carefree, but it seems the instance that I want to be more feckless, the serious side of me draws back and reminds me, "What will people think?" I experienced that moment once, when you just know that the other person's inviting you to make a move... and I chickened out. Thank goodness everything worked out fine though. But still. Faced with another moment like that, I'm not sure how I'll react.
It's hard to imagine that in my line of work, I have to make dozens of calls to people who have every right to curse at me.
I don't know. I'm fine talking to guys, and asking one or two out for coffee - if they're just good friends and I don't have a crush on them or anything. Mainly because if they suspect I like them or if anyone asks me, I can legitimately say "we're just friends." However, if it's a guy I like, I don't really know how to ask them out - especially since my social circle shrank considerably since I left university. I don't get the chance to 'bump' into people and there's no real reason to call someone you've met once and ask them if they would... you know... mind catching a movie sometime?
Moving on to another somewhat related topic, why is it that in all the movies and TV shows I watch, there always seems to be a 'moment' between guys and girls whereby both of them are just looking at each other and talking... and then when there's a break in the conversation, one of them leans over to kiss the other really passionately? It always seems to happen especially if the parties involved are in high school or university. And having just left those days behind, I'm kind of frustrated, I guess, at not having experienced any of that. I want to be able to feel that buzz, that electricity with another guy and to just not think and just act.
Fat chance. I take everything so seriously that I doubt I'll ever feel that, especially not here. I would love to be able to be more carefree, but it seems the instance that I want to be more feckless, the serious side of me draws back and reminds me, "What will people think?" I experienced that moment once, when you just know that the other person's inviting you to make a move... and I chickened out. Thank goodness everything worked out fine though. But still. Faced with another moment like that, I'm not sure how I'll react.
Saturday, December 07, 2002
A room filled to the brim with hundreds of writhing and contorting bodies. The energy level never dropping below 'frenetic.' The master rousing me to a climax time and again until I can't help but scream out in pleasure. Increasing in intensity, he takes it to a higher and higher level until I think I can't bear it anymore. Then and only then, does he release his hold.
That is how I spent my evening - at a glorious DJ set by the master himself, Paul van Dyk. That was undoubtedly the best set that I've ever been to. High quality in terms of mixing and choice of music from beginning to end.
He was absolutely awesome. My energy level never dropped at all - considering I wasn't even in the mood to club and the fact that it was a three hour set, that's really saying something. Alternating higher frequency trance tunes with downright hard electronica, that was a fantastic set. One minute, you're swaying blissfully to pure trance, the next pounding the air furiously to deep dirty tunes; the deeper and dirtier the better. One moment light and teasing, the next forceful and sensual, bringing the crowd to one explosive climax after another.
I swear, if any man made love like the way PvD mixes music... hooooooo, boy.
Looking at the way the crowd responded to his every tune, I was reminded of the club scene in Blade where the vampires are all dancing with such intensity and then all of a sudden, blood starts to spray from the ceiling, except in this case, what we got was dry ice (a very welcome effect since it's so cooling). Then lo and behold, as if he's reading my mind, PvD pulls out New Order's Confusion. Magical.
He came on for two encores - practically unheard of over here. And for the last encore, he dropped his signature tune For an Angel I went absolutely ballistic. That one tune took more out of me than the entire three hour set. I danced with pure abandon, at once sexy, sensual, violent and full of energy. When the tune ended, I was completely and utterly exhausted, but still panting for more.
He was well worth the half-an-hour wait in the queue as well as the body crush in the beginning of the set.
Tonight, God really was a DJ. Truly magnificent.
That is how I spent my evening - at a glorious DJ set by the master himself, Paul van Dyk. That was undoubtedly the best set that I've ever been to. High quality in terms of mixing and choice of music from beginning to end.
He was absolutely awesome. My energy level never dropped at all - considering I wasn't even in the mood to club and the fact that it was a three hour set, that's really saying something. Alternating higher frequency trance tunes with downright hard electronica, that was a fantastic set. One minute, you're swaying blissfully to pure trance, the next pounding the air furiously to deep dirty tunes; the deeper and dirtier the better. One moment light and teasing, the next forceful and sensual, bringing the crowd to one explosive climax after another.
I swear, if any man made love like the way PvD mixes music... hooooooo, boy.
Looking at the way the crowd responded to his every tune, I was reminded of the club scene in Blade where the vampires are all dancing with such intensity and then all of a sudden, blood starts to spray from the ceiling, except in this case, what we got was dry ice (a very welcome effect since it's so cooling). Then lo and behold, as if he's reading my mind, PvD pulls out New Order's Confusion. Magical.
He came on for two encores - practically unheard of over here. And for the last encore, he dropped his signature tune For an Angel I went absolutely ballistic. That one tune took more out of me than the entire three hour set. I danced with pure abandon, at once sexy, sensual, violent and full of energy. When the tune ended, I was completely and utterly exhausted, but still panting for more.
He was well worth the half-an-hour wait in the queue as well as the body crush in the beginning of the set.
Tonight, God really was a DJ. Truly magnificent.
It's a startling feeling to wake up one day and realise that you've moved on - that you're no longer in mourning over the fact that your ex isn't around anymore. But I fully recognise that while I'm over that, I'm not over his not being around as a friend.
I just really miss having somone who I could really talk to, you know?
I just really miss having somone who I could really talk to, you know?
There're a whole host of great DJs coming my way - Paul van Dyk tonight, James Holden next Saturday, Sasha on Christmas Eve and Timo Maas on the 28th.
Oooh, the anticipation.
If only my weak ankle wasn't acting up. More importantly, if only I hadn't missed the last steps of an escalator and sprained my knee!
Oooh, the anticipation.
If only my weak ankle wasn't acting up. More importantly, if only I hadn't missed the last steps of an escalator and sprained my knee!
I got my results back with regards to the presentation I had two weeks ago. It wasn't too bad - I was ranked joint third (according to the strange ranking system we have - technically, I should be joint fifth out of 12). The only criticism I had was that I should show more enthusiasm. That is the part that's been bugging me a litte, since how on earth does one show enthusiasm in a professional presentation? Smile a lot? It just goes again my whole idea of how professionalism should be like.
Brief recap of this week: it just feels like I've been constantly struggling to meet all my career goals. There's a part of me that definitely wants to be the best - and quite frankly, why not? After all, look at what I've accomplished. I've been through the best schools here, and it's been proven time and again that my verbal and numerical abilities are among the best there is. I have been thoroughly involved in extracurricular activities and yet at the same time, managed to scrape out - to others, above average grades - to me, just about decent grades. I've, compared to my peers here at home, experienced quite a lot in life, but at the same time, I'm curiously dissatisfied. My wanderlust hasn't been completely satiated, nor has my passion for dancing and just living.
I've spent the last four-and-a-half months adjusting to working life and being home, and yet... I can't, for the life of me, envision my future being where I currently am. I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life in my small home where the only passion we seem to have is to be better than everyone else. We don't have that certain je ne sais quoi; and it seems that the moment you enter my country, you slowly start to lose your joie de vivre. And more than anything else in this world, that is something that I don't want happening to me.
For some reason, it feels as though I should have some idea as to what I'm doing, or what I intend to do later on in life. And still, as time passes, nothing becomes clear. If anything, I just get more and more confused and increasingly frustrated at my lack of knowledge about what path in my life I intend to tread. Despite the fact that I'm earning a decent salary, it feels a little like I'm just scraping by. The fact that I'll have to save for 15 years to afford a decent car and ten times that to buy property is like this crushing weight around my neck sometimes. I'm not materialistic, but I believe almost everyone has their own dream of owning a car and a nice house and all that. But this place is strangely expensive - not as expensive as London - but in terms of salary, savings and spending, I might as well be living as a student back in London. Then, you didn't have responsibilities such as bills and other crap like that.
Grrrrf. I'm just so annoyed with how my life has turned out. No, that's wrong. I'm not annoyed with how life has turned out. I'm just irritated at not having any options, any control over my life anymore. I guess a psychologist would diagnose me as experiencing a typical case of quarterlife crisis.
Brief recap of this week: it just feels like I've been constantly struggling to meet all my career goals. There's a part of me that definitely wants to be the best - and quite frankly, why not? After all, look at what I've accomplished. I've been through the best schools here, and it's been proven time and again that my verbal and numerical abilities are among the best there is. I have been thoroughly involved in extracurricular activities and yet at the same time, managed to scrape out - to others, above average grades - to me, just about decent grades. I've, compared to my peers here at home, experienced quite a lot in life, but at the same time, I'm curiously dissatisfied. My wanderlust hasn't been completely satiated, nor has my passion for dancing and just living.
I've spent the last four-and-a-half months adjusting to working life and being home, and yet... I can't, for the life of me, envision my future being where I currently am. I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life in my small home where the only passion we seem to have is to be better than everyone else. We don't have that certain je ne sais quoi; and it seems that the moment you enter my country, you slowly start to lose your joie de vivre. And more than anything else in this world, that is something that I don't want happening to me.
For some reason, it feels as though I should have some idea as to what I'm doing, or what I intend to do later on in life. And still, as time passes, nothing becomes clear. If anything, I just get more and more confused and increasingly frustrated at my lack of knowledge about what path in my life I intend to tread. Despite the fact that I'm earning a decent salary, it feels a little like I'm just scraping by. The fact that I'll have to save for 15 years to afford a decent car and ten times that to buy property is like this crushing weight around my neck sometimes. I'm not materialistic, but I believe almost everyone has their own dream of owning a car and a nice house and all that. But this place is strangely expensive - not as expensive as London - but in terms of salary, savings and spending, I might as well be living as a student back in London. Then, you didn't have responsibilities such as bills and other crap like that.
Grrrrf. I'm just so annoyed with how my life has turned out. No, that's wrong. I'm not annoyed with how life has turned out. I'm just irritated at not having any options, any control over my life anymore. I guess a psychologist would diagnose me as experiencing a typical case of quarterlife crisis.
Sunday, December 01, 2002
I've just been to Emode - a really great site with hundreds of quizzes designed to tell you more about yourself. My friends all know that I'm a die-hard fan of tests - especially personality questionnaires, so it's no wonder I find this site exceedingly fascinating.
Curiously enough, I've taken the ideal sexual partner test as well as the "What's your sexual turn-on?" quiz. Considering it'll be a long time before I get to use either of those results (by which time I bet they'll have changed), I guess I really do just like wasting my time taking these things.
Oh, and guess what? My best quality is my honesty. Quel surprise.
Curiously enough, I've taken the ideal sexual partner test as well as the "What's your sexual turn-on?" quiz. Considering it'll be a long time before I get to use either of those results (by which time I bet they'll have changed), I guess I really do just like wasting my time taking these things.
Oh, and guess what? My best quality is my honesty. Quel surprise.
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