At the risk of sounding passe, I am going to confess that I do enjoy The KLF's 3 AM Eternal very much. What Time Is Love? is even better. The acid house bassline is very very good. If it's ever played wherever I am, I will, without a doubt, be jumping up and down with excitement before breaking into much wild flailing and dancing.

Heh.

Drank half a jug of gin & tonic in less than half an hour yesterday. Didn't get as high as I wanted to be, but was high enough for a while... Enough to forget about the fact that the DJ set wasn't as great as I hoped it would be... although I only forgot that for 45 minutes or so... Sigh. Where have all the good DJs gone?

I finally watched The Matrix Reloaded today on IMAX. Overall, the movie wasn't too bad. The special effects were nice, as usual, but nothing different from the first movie, and I felt that far too much time was spent filming the special effects. For instance, in the rooftop fight scene with the many Agent Smiths, there was a lot of gratuitous slow-motion filming. Also, given that I'm rather fatigued right now, the philosophical comments about choices (or lack thereof), destiny and free will was a little too much for me. Granted, I have studied those topics before, so it's not like it was unfamiliar ground for me, but I was a little too tired to try analysing things just then.

Other observations:

The opening scene was cool. The way Trinity landed after leaping off the motorcycle was impossibly graceful. But without a doubt, the motorcycle chase scene was the most entertaining and attention-grabbing. It was fresh, unlike the other fight-scenes, and it was cool seeing a female do all that. She kicked a**. Although I am wondering why it is that all of them wear black, and black leather at that. Sexy but kind of impractical for fighting. Or even moving.

There were a disproportionate number of African-Americans in Zion. As my American friend put it, either these people have a predisposition towards disobedience, or the film-makers just wanted them to make the dance scene better. African-Americans sure know how to dance very sexily. If I danced like that over here, I just might be arrested - or labelled as loose and slutty! But yes, I do want to dance like that... someday... when I'm still young. I really wish I could find a guy who can dance - and dance sexily. They're very few and far between. In fact, I don't think I've met any yet!

I'm glad they restored the censored love-making scene - although my friend who had watched the movie in non-IMAX format informed me after the show that they had cut parts of the rave scene instead, so I'm not sure if that scene was indeed restored even if they said so in the papers! I'm glad there weren't too many mushy scenes in the movie (the downfall of Attack of the Clones) but the romantic parts were quite okay, and didn't seem out of place. I liked the way Trinity and Neo started kissing each other desperately in the lift. Oh come on, you know you were wondering when they were ever going to get the time to do it, since they were always on the ship! :P

I like Persephone's character as well - the intelligent, vengeful betrayed woman. Since her husband was cheating on her for a bit of skirt, she went ahead to give away his most treasured possession. And yet, all he can do in the end is say, "Woman, you'll be the death of me!" instead of actually doing anything to her. And her wanting a little sample of what Trinity and Neo had, with Neo having to make Persephone believe that she is Trinity when Neo kisses her? That was cute. I read somewhere that her "I envy what you have, but such a thing is not meant to last" was a comment on passion and love between two people. Since Persephone and her husband once experienced such a love, and now, they are older and embittered, wouldn't the same thing happen to any other couple? I admit, I wouldn't have read so much into that line upon first viewing, but the reviewer does have a point.

And if Neo is so darned powerful, why the heck does he need to kung-fu fight everyone? The flying thing was neat, but got annoying since it seemed like a rather contrived solution to fit every scenario that the main characters were going to face.

Anywhere, herein ends my review of The Matrix Reloaded. I don't know if the IMAX version was any better than the normal cinema version. The fight scenes were better, and the special effects were enhanced, but seeing Morpheus's face enlarged to such an extent that you found yourself distracted by the pockmarks on his face definitely wasn't a plus point.

A colleague of mine transferred back to New York yesterday. He's one of the most senior staff in the bank and he's been giving me advice on how to obtain a position in the department which I want to join. He gave me a lot of useful advice which I tried to follow, despite it going against the kind of person I am - I'm not the kind of person who likes networking and talking to senior staff, quite frankly, but it seems to have worked.

Anyway, I just had to speak to him yesterday as it was his last day, and he told me that for a person with my intellectual capability, I'm surprisingly simple, natural and understated. He said that it's great that someone with the abilities I have isn't at all arrogant. I didn't expect comments like that from him at all, and when he said it, all I could say was a very stunned "Thank you!"

It's, seriously, one of the best compliments I've ever been given.

I had to call Turkey today - and the guy who I spoke to had a gorgeously mellifluous voice. That voice was fantastic - it was the voice all men wish they had just for the effect it has on women. Seductive, smooth and quite simply, whoa.

I've finally managed to watch Ghost. Despite the fact that I find the special effects a little cheesy (Yes, I do know it was made in 1993) and that I don't find any of the actors good-looking or attractive, it is a rather romantic movie. I've been wanting to watch this for a while because of the pottery scene, as well as for the parts where Unchained Melody were played, as I do like the song. After viewing the show, these are my impressions: The pottery scene - sensual and sexy. I'm more than a little irritated that the television station decided to censor part of it though. And the choice of song was wonderful; it conveyed the sense of yearning and longing of Sam (Patrick Swayze) perfectly. The acting wasn't too bad. Despite the lack of variety of facial expressions on Patrick's part, he somehow managed to convey what he was feeling in each scene just with his eyes, whether it was anger, love or extreme yearning. Demi Moore as Molly didn't have to do much other than look sad and/or cry, quite frankly.

The other scene which caught my attention was the one where Sam inhabits Oda Mae's (Whoopi Goldberg) body so that he can feel Molly once more. The look on Sam's face when he can actually touch Molly was good, capturing longing, hunger, relief and regret all in one look. It was so powerful that you found yourself experiencing the same kind of feelings. I liked the movement of both Sam and Molly as well; not awkward but graceful and loving. It was a tender scene filled with emotion and I found myself fighting back tears when I watched it. But then, I tend to tear quite easily when watching shows...

It just seems apt to end off a short commentary on a movie about undying love with one of my favourite Biblical quotes:

Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it.

Song of Solomon 8:7

The Cure's Friday I'm in Love is one of the best indie songs ever. And the music video is hilariously camp.

I'd forgotten that a friend currently in London called me on Saturday morning at 5 am London time, after having got back from the party of the year. He had spent the whole of the last year working on his project for his final year and had celebrated the last day of university by going out with all of his batch mates to a huge party and watching everyone else get p*** drunk and indulge in a lot of scandal. By regaling me with details of what had been going on, as well as with what had been happening with his life since we last spoke almost a year ago, and asking after me, it made me realise just how much I miss these friends of mine, the ones I've had since high school, since I was 13. I've made many more friends since then, but few of them compare to the people I met at that young age. We were all part of an educational programme designed to nurture our so-called superior capabilities. Though I have a lot of doubts as to their selection process - although I must admit that I do extremely well in most kinds of aptitude tests - I'm grateful to that programme for what it's given me: the opportunity to meet - and recognise - like-minded people, the somewhat British sense of humour I've developed, and a little self-esteem boost whenever I'm feeling down. After all, there must be something, even just a little bit, of potential that resides somewhere within me.

How my Saturday was spent:

- Had a facial, unfortunately which after, I looked like I was having a bad face day. (I rarely have bad hair days, by the way. Hair's too limp to be frizzy.)

- Went to Borders and picked up White Oleander for 2 quid. Awesome read. Thanks to Judith Fitch, my opinion on poetry has been revised. I don't dislike poetry - just the work of certain people who I know! Heh.

- Came home to find a great surprise waiting for me in the mail. Merci beaucoup :)

- Had a good Okinawan dinner with a friend from university and ended up watching Hulk. Strange how I ended up the last week by watching a movie about a good father and ending off this week with a movie about terrible fathers. Anyway, verdict: Good effects and nice work on bringing the comic-book style to life on screen. Unfortunately, the story was a little predictable and took way too long to unfold. I'm disappointed with the local newspapers which gave this a four out of five 'cos I would have given it a three at the most. True, it's Lee Ang, but shame on you, people.

Finding Nemo was fantastic - and a great way to usher in Father's Day. If you haven't already guessed, it's a movie about an overprotective father, Marlin, wishing to shield his son, Nemo, from all that is bad and evil in the world after Marlin's wife and 399 kids are eaten by a barracuda. And incidentally, father and son both happen to be clown fish.

It's a very funny movie with great animation; the oceanic motion was spot-on without being given over-the-top treatment i.e. there weren't bubbles at every turn to remind us that they were underwater. Despite the fact that this is essentially a movie about fish, their characters are realistic and have depth. The relationship between father and son is believable; Marlin, as stated earlier, is overprotective, while Nemo chafes under such treatment. Dory, played by Ellen DeGeneres, is hilarious as the dory who suffers from short-term memory loss.

There were so many scenes I was laughing at: Marlin and Dory's meeting with the sharks, their encounter with the turtles (aside: I love Crush and his surfer-dude accent - duuuuude!) and the other fishes in the fish tank. The single-mindedness of the seagulls (apparently modelled on the penguins in Wallace and Gromit - I knew they looked familiar!) was really cute too; I don't think I'll be able to look at a seagull in the same way again! There weren't just funny scenes in the movie though; there were emotional ones too. The scene where Marlin pick ups the one remaining egg with his fins and says "Don't worry, daddy's here. I promise that I will never let anything happen to you," made tears well up in my eyes.

This was the first animated movie I've watched in the cinema in a while, and I'm glad that I wasn't disappointed. I've always loved Disney and this time is no different.

I've been told that I need to exude energy and enthusiasm while at work. Granted, I'm quite reserved and quiet - but that's because I'm much better with people on a one-on-one basis. But actually, no, I'm still pissed off at a lot of people for telling me that - especially since it was with regards to the presentation which I ranted on a couple of days earlier. One of the judges told me I was pretty good, that I did better than the previous time. A couple of others said, no, I did worse. A lot worse. So who the f*** is right? What am I supposed to believe? Exude more enthusiasm? Why don't you freaking tell me how to do that? It's not like I can go, "Oooooooooohhh, so that was my problem. Don't worry, I've got it now. Enthusiasm, switched on." I don't want to be a f***ing phony. Gosh. I hate you. I hate all of you. Damn it.

I watched Bowling for Columbine yesterday. It's a powerful show about gun violence in the United States and left me thinking about exactly why is it that the rate of gun murders is so much higher in the US than it is anywhere else in the world. I thought it was always to do with the fact that they could get their hands on guns so easily - but it turns out that there are seven million guns in Canada and yet, the rate of gun murders is so much lower.

When they were replaying the footage of the shootings that occurred in Columbine High, I was close to tears. What happened that day was tragic and uncomprehensible. What is it that makes someone so... mad and angry... or so twisted that they decide to shoot out a school full of innocent kids in order to be avenged upon them? True, kids can be very vicious sometimes, and when you're that young, maybe you can't see beyond the teasing and the insults that there is indeed another life out there, one without the bullies and losers that have tormented you throughout.

When the two survivors from Columbine managed to convince K-Mart to phase out the sale of handgun ammunition from all its stores, I almost stood up and cheered. True, that move may have come at a high price, but it just goes to show you the power and determination of those kids. It's something that I should try and remember next time I'm feeling down.

And the much-talked about interview with Charlton Heston? I have much respect for him as an actor. He was wonderful as Moses and Ben-Hur. But in real-life, he strikes me as being incredibly stupid and insensitive. By holding pro-gun rallies in Littleton and Flint just weeks after high school shootings occurred in both townships, he just demonstrated how incredibly callous he is. And his message to all anti-gun protesters? Defiantly clutching his rifle, he proclaimed "From my cold dead hand." Anyway, when Michael Moore interviews him in his home, asking him about his opinions on gun violence in the US... sad to say, Heston doesn't distinguish himself in the least. He digs himself into a deeper and deeper hole with every answer he gives. True, Heston may be involved in charity work and civil rights and all that - but that one interview showed a side to the man I hadn't expected. A man proud to be the owner - and wielder - of a gun and a downright insensitive jerk who refused to even acknowledge the photo of the little girl who had been shot to death a few weeks before.

All in all, an incredibly profound and moving show. It doesn't promise to provide any answers, but then again, who can, in this twisted world we live?

Cybersex + ex-boyfriend = hot, bothered and short of breath.

I am so not going to get any sleep tonight.

How do you capture the entirety of how much a person means to you using mere words?

Going through the numerous photos that I've taken in the past few years brings back memories of places I've been and people I've loved. Attached to all of those memories is a lot of emotion - love, longing, regret and happiness. I wish - in some way - that I could have articulated all of this to them then... and now.

Warning! Warning! Possible angry egotistical bitch alert!

So I had this like HUGE presentation yesterday which I had been preparing for for some time. And I was the last of a group of nine people to present, just to make things worse. And I think, while I could have done better, I didn't do too badly. So when I found out that my director had mentioned to a colleague - a fellow competitor, no less - that she felt the top three presenters were these three people, which by the way, didn't include myself, I was kind of upset. Two of those people, I could see why they were good, but the third? Quite honestly, I thought I was better.

Great, I hear you groan. She's a selfish psycho bitch.

Possibly, I am. But this is my blog and I am entitled to say whatever I damn feel like saying. And you know what? While this might strike you as being incredibly pompous and arrogant, I am more than a little upset how I've been struggling to prove myself to... myself. I've been told since the age of nine that I'm among the top 0.5% of my age group. My IQ is pretty high, I know. And yet, I can't seem to... utilise the potential that I have, having been beaten out by someone who couldn't even make it to the main streams of my high school.

Yes, this is one of the uglier sides of my personality. I am an intellectual elitist, an academic snob.

And before you comment, it's one of the comparatively few things that makes me feel like I'm worth something. And returning back to what started this rant? I'm so f***ing tired of fighting to prove myself. It's obviously not working, so why the hell should I bother?