I didn't exactly ace my presentation (namely because I'm not a natural presenter) but I sure sounded calm and confident during all of it, even if I did forget that some people in the room hadn't been following what was being presented as closely as others during the past few weeks.

My boss has been trying to get me to be more confident when it comes to public speaking for the past year or so given that he's not sure why I'm so good with people when I'm not being put on the spot, but the moment it turns into a professional situation, I turn into a blushing, nervous wreck even when it's clear I know what I'm talking about. I'm still not quite at the stage where I don't turn red at all (I can feel my face warm up) but at least I don't look as nervous as I feel any more... now, if only I could get to a point where I can remember what it is I said, as my mind's usually a complete blank once I get off the stage, so to speak.

Earlier this year, a friend of mine pleaded with me to get on stage and say something about him at his wedding. I duly obliged after spending three courses of dinner thinking about it, and managed to entertain everyone, even if I did get him into trouble with his wife after I mentioned my friend's thoughtfulness in getting every female in the office a bar of chocolate for Valentine's Day. Again, I didn't quite remember what it is I said, and I'm quite sure I spoke with the speed of a bullet train, but it's always nice to feel like I'm managing to overcome a handicap I shouldn't have given all my experience in recruiting, presenting and being interviewed.

In other news, I still have a headache. And crap, those eyedrops are antibiotic so I have to finish the course gradually, and not stop all at once.

This hasn't been one of my better weeks. I guess one could say I should have seen it coming the moment I ended up working till 9 pm both days of last weekend, but, quite frankly, I am almost kind of used to it, given the industry I work in, and more particularly, the fact that I have now officially worked for more than five years.

But the truth is, I didn't bargain on a health-related issue on getting me down.

I'd been fighting off what felt like flu for about a week when Monday rolled around, and I'd gone to an eye surgeon for a second opinion on my eye infection that same day. The good news then was that he disagreed with my first doctor, and the bad news now is that the strength of the eye drops prescribed to me, and the intensity with which my infection was treated over the last few days, have led to my eye pressure increasing, and consequently, my suffering from unilateral headaches (headaches on one side of my head) or more accurately, unilateral face-aches. Even my teeth hurt.

While all this was happening, one of my colleagues - the lead in a big presentation we're giving tomorrow - was warded with a pregnancy-related complication. She's since been discharged and she seems to be doing better, but that meant my having to step up and take on part of the presentation, not to mention having to go through the entire presentation and check it for errors given my familiarity with the subject matter compared to my other colleagues.

I don't mind stepping up. In fact, I positively relish it. But I've stepped up so much since joining this company that honestly, I'm exhausted. So when I now have to grapple with this while recovering from one infection and suffering pain from another, it just gets to me more than it normally does.

In any case, the doctor's reduced the dosage of my eye drops. In fact, I'm supposed to come off them in a few days as usage needs to taper off, instead of stopping abruptly, if I want whatever it is that's been bugging me to go away. The problem is that my eye infection's been treated for so long that the doctor says he's not sure what it was in the first place. So I'm continuing to use those eye drops but to a much lesser extent (three times a day for today, and twice a day tomorrow, as opposed to every three hours for the last two days) and hopefully, that pain will go away after I've had some sleep.

Owwwww.

This must be one of the most creative proposals ever. I'm afraid the husband-to-be's set the bar rather high for himself in terms of anniversary celebrations!

The most beautiful part of the video has got to be the series of shots showing Sara's expression once she realises that the installation is actually a proposal from her then-boyfriend and now-fiance, George, capturing her reaction as it changes from surprise to pleasant shock once she sees George with the ring.

But enough of my comments already. Go check the proposal out!

Conversation with a friend over lunch yesterday:
Me: I can't believe I was in the office till 9.30 pm yesterday, just because of some emergency systems issue.
Friend: Poor you.
Me: And I can't believe that I have to go back in later today!
Friend: Oh dear.
Me: And the worst part is... I have no plans which have been disrupted! This weekend just underscored how little a life I have. Hmph.

I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like this. You know? People just have an affair or even entire relationships; they break up and they forget. They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person has their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost.

Each relationship when it ends really damages me. I never fully recover. That is why I'm very careful with getting involved because it hurts too much. Even getting laid, I actually don't do that. I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I'm obsessed with little things.

Maybe I'm crazy, but when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees rolling on the sidewalk or ants crossing the road, the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk. Little things.

I think it's the same with people. I see in them little details so specific to each of them that move me and that I miss, and will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.

- Celine, Before Sunset

I caught up with an old friend over an excellent dinner at Kaisan earlier tonight. We both had big news; he's getting married and I'll be relocating. Strangely enough, the other part of our lives doesn't seem to fairing as well. He's having some trouble at work and I'm just incredibly bitter.

Me: I haven't seen you since you got attached... two years ago.
He: She's reasonably high maintenance.
Me: I used to think I was pretty okay on the maintenance side.
He: (snort)
Me: Well, not now obviously, because I'm just so bitter about men that it would take a lot to get through to me.
He: I've found that you usually find it when you're not looking.
Me: Hey, I'm not looking at all now because I'm just so fed up. I wouldn't even know it if it came up to me and bit me in the ass. In fact, if it did, I'd just turn around and go "what the f*** do you think you're doing?" and that'd be the end of it.
He: Oookay.

On the other hand, what was nice - other than our respective big pieces of news - was that in spite of our not having spoken to each other for a while, we just fell into place naturally. I really just love that with the people I've connected with over the course of my life, even though I haven't seen some of them for years, whenever we see each other and speak, it's like nothing's changed. We've changed obviously, but our relationship hasn't. And that's really comforting to know.

Hairspray was amazingly good. I don't think I've seen another show in recent memory that made me feel as good as I did when the show ended. And that's in spite of the fact that I've been ill with the flu this whole week thus far.

The musical numbers are great, the dancing is fantastic, and while I'm not an aspect, everything does seem authentically '60s, which is quite possibly one of my favourite eras to watch.

It's hard to believe that Nikki Blonsky, who plays Tracy Turnblad, the main character of the movie) is a newcomer to the big screen given that she practically carries the whole show in spite of all the big stars that are in it, including Christopher Walken (Wilbur Turnblad, Tracy's father), John Travolta (in drag, no less, as Edna Turnblad, Tracy's mother) and Michelle Pfeiffer (Velma von Tussle, the villain of ths show, looking rather older than I expected her to).

Let me digress for a bit. For some reason, I just cannot shake off my earlier impressions of Christopher Walken no matter how hard I try. When he speaks to Tracy, I can't help but think of his character in Catch Me If You Can. When he dances, I flash back to him in the hilarious music video for Fatboy Slim - Weapon of Choice (my favourite bit in the video is when he's choosing between elevators). In fact, there was one point in the movie where he begins dancing, and I just cracked up, and my friend cracked up too, knowing that I was thinking about the MTV.

The highlight of the show - aside from Nikki - must surely be John Travolta's portrayal of Edna. He doesn't play it camp in the least, instead choosing to play Edna as a desperately lonely and introverted housewife with a great love for food, and as a result, hasn't left the house, seeing as "the neighbours haven't seen [her] since [she] was a size 10." And in spite of Edna's hefty size, she sure can dance. It's clear to see that John's dancing skills, last seen in Grease and Saturday Night Fever, haven't rusted one bit.

Anyway, I could go on and on about the show - I do think it's really good and I really love musicals, but you should go watch it for yourself. When I checked Rotten Tomatoes today, it had a freshness rating of 93%, the highest I've seen of any movie I've ever looked up on RT.

And man, if you don't come out of Hairspray feeling good, then you sure must have one heck of a heart of stone!

Favourite quote:
Motormouth Maybelle (after seeing Edna walk into her home): If we get any more white people in here, this is gonna be a suburb.

This is really cool. It's like something out of Night Watch.

Any wonder why this place is on my list of top five cities I most want to visit?

[via NeedCoffee.com]

I feel like if someone were to touch me, I'd dissolve into molecules.
- Jesse, Before Sunset

For the last eight days, I have had three dreams about the CFA results. In one of them, I saw my results, and in the other two, I was struggling to get them while being pursued either by gangsters or spies.

I'm not entirely sure where those dreams came from, as I definitely didn't feel that jittery in reality.

Last night, I had no dreams whatsoever... namely because I couldn't sleep properly. I'm not sure of the reason why still. The first thing that I did when my alarm went off was to grab my Blackberry and check my e-mails. My eyes settled on an e-mail from the CFA Institute entitled "June 2007..." (truncated due to the width of the Blackberry screen) sent at 2.43 am. I opened up, wondering why the Institute would bother sending out an e-mail backdated to June, given that it was already August.

Hey, I was tired, okay? And I'd just convinced myself yesterday that the results were going to be released in Late August, which, as far as I was concerned, was next week.

So I dashed to my computer, logged on, re-set my password for the CFA Institute (same thing happened in my first dream) and scanned the screen being finding the part I'd been looking for: PASS.

Incredible. I went to work grinning like an idiot the whole morning.

Sprint has set up a viral marketing website called Waitless with "Sprintcuts" designed to help one fast forward through the boring parts of life.

I've got to try out some of those tips some day. The "quick-peel an egg" tip looks way cool, and I recall an ex teaching me how to tie my shoelaces that same way a few years ago, though I promptly forgot how to do it after we broke up (or more to the point, after we stopped spending time together when I returned to Singapore).

I started displaying symptoms of an eyelid infection (aka blepharitis) back in late May when I was studying for my CFA exam. Over two months of medication on, my eye still hurts. In fact, unlike the gritty feeling I'm supposed to feel in my eye (or rather, not feel seeing as I've been using the steroid eyedrops, antibiotic ointment and eyelid cleanser since mid-June), it feels as if the corner of the infected eye is constantly being poked by a blunt stick (i.e. my eyeball or the corner at least feels bruised).

I've been to the National Eye Centre twice so far, after being referred by my GP, but there hasn't been much improvement, if any. As blepharitis does not affect one's vision, I'm not overly concerned about its impact, but I am seriously annoyed that I haven't been able to wear contacts for some time now, and also, that as long as the infection is there, the doctor will not be able to figure out whether I'm a suitable candidate for LASIK. Lastly, given that this is a chronic condition which tends to relapse (though, seriously, a chronic condition which takes months to heal and relapses would suck like ****), and that one of the symptoms is dry eyes, which LASIK tends to exacerbate, there's also a likelihood that I should not go for the surgery.

And if it turns out that my follow-up appointment - which is just a few days away - shows that I'm still suffering from the infection, I am going to get seriously p***ed. To not be able to wear contacts and not be able to go for LASIK? It's not that I'm that vain, but I don't have much of a bridge, and my glasses are constantly sliding down my nose. It makes it very hard to do any sort of physical activity. Ugh.

I am seriously contemplating of getting a second opinion given that the pain I described isn't a usual symptom of the infection, but the thing is... the doctor I'm seeing is very senior. It's worrying both ways, for her and for me.

Penang was pretty much to be as expected... Singapore as it was 40 years ago, as my mother kept saying. It reminded me a lot of Joo Chiat Road, with its reputation for good, delicious, cheap hawker food, as well as the general architecture. Those photos will have to be posted another day as I'm still searching for my camera cable.

And the one thing I have learnt about Penang is... you can have a civil conversation entirely in Hokkien.

Unless you've heard a Penangite speak Hokkien, you, like me, have probably been under the misconception that Hokkien is a most coarse and uncouth language... in short, the German equivalent of all Chinese dialects.

And you'd be wrong.

Penang Hokkien is the kinder, gentler version of the kind you hear in Singapore. And I don't think I even heard one local use any swearwords. It's so unlike Singapore.

To get an idea of the accent, check out PenangHokkien.com.

Meanwhile, I'll continue the search for the cable which lets me download the hundreds of photos I took of Penang before I post next.

Last Thursday:
Dad: Can you take leave so that we can go to Penang for the National Day weekend?
Me: Are you sure we can get tickets at such short notice?
Dad: Of course! Who wants to go to Penang? It's so boring.

Today:
Me: Where are we staying at?
Mum (flipping through guidebook): It must be this one! "Of all the resorts I stayed in in South-East Asia, this was my favourite. It was the closest to heaven on earth."
Me (taking guidebook and looking at entry): Mum, that's Langkawi.

I've been meeting up with friends I haven't seen in a while, and inevitably, we started talking about our lives, and our love lives. The thing that struck me when I was telling them about my (lack of a) social life is that seven months down the road, I'm still incredibly mad and irritated at the last guy I that was interested in.

I'm not sure if it's a case of "the straw that broke the camel's back" or just because the guy really offended my sense of self.

In this case, I feel that I should expound further. This guy and I used to work in the same company, though not in the same department. Midway through dating, he told me he thought I was too intense, that I was "too ambitious" and that my "hours [were] too demanding."

Given that we work in the same industry, I was mightily offended. How dare you, I thought. How dare you say that to me, you unmitigated asshole. Did you want me to quit my job the moment I met you, just so you could have a 'little woman' at home even though we were just dating? What utter tosh. What stupid double standards.

And in spite of that, we continued dating, but he'd get irritated at my constant talking about work. I acknowledge that I do that a fair amount, because I spend a lot of time at work. But in this instance, when I made the effort to ask about something he was interested in, what I got was a scoff and then a "what do you know about that?" And that was it for me.

As a consequence, I just haven't been that interested in dating. I don't want to meet someone else who thinks the same way as he did.

To say that I'm bitter would probably be an understatement. I cannot explain exactly why all of that still gets to me so many months later, but I guess part of it is because I'm sick of hearing all these guys tell me that perhaps I'm a little too assertive, a little too intelligent, a little too... Rafflesian for local guys to feel comfortable with.

For what it's worth, I'm proud of the schools I came from. I don't flaunt it in the slightest, but neither do I hide it. I'm glad of the person that was shaped by all my schools, and for someone to insinuate that perhaps that person is.. flawed or undesirable... well, that offends me deeply. If I weren't as strong-willed or as driven as I am, I wouldn't have made it through the challenges I've faced in my adult life. I wouldn't have achieved as much as I have so far. In short, I wouldn't be where I am today.

So if the person that I am is too independent, too feisty, too assertive for a guy to take, then tough. Take me for what I am, or get out of my face.

For the record, one of the reasons I go to concerts isn't just to see their genius up close and personal, but to be there physically to listen to the 'silly banter' and random covers and alternate versions of songs... essentially, stuff that you couldn't get off one of their CDs.

And though a three hour 10 minute concert with only two breaks in between is no doubt quite a feat, if I wanted to listen to a band play song after song after song and just that, I would have stayed home, and stuck their albums in a CD player.

Not that it was a bad concert, mind you. As I stated earlier, it was quite something watching The Cure go through quite a fair amount of their repertoire, and I did discover some songs which I'd not heard before which I quite enjoyed listening to (such as From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea and Three Imaginary Boys) but standing in high heels for over three and a half hours for a concert where I only knew about 25% of the songs on offer wasn't much fun. Yes, I know, it's my fault for wearing heels, but I'm not that tall and I wanted to make sure I could see! At one point, to distract myself from the pain and unfamiliarity, I even took out my Blackberry to check on my work e-mails.

Sorry, Mr. Smith, and to all your fans. I meant you no disrespect when I did that.

Recently, I learnt that the Taiwanese term for those born in Generation Y (apparently referring to those born in the 1970s and 1980s, meaning I am both Generation X and Generation Y, according to the time-line listed in Wikipedia) is "cao mei zu" (literally translated, the "strawberry generation").

Why are they called that? Well, firstly, strawberries are grown in the protected environment in a greenhouse. Secondly, they are very delicate fruit. You leave them out for too long, and they spoil or "SPOI!" as we say in Singlish). You drop them, and they spoil. You poke them, and they spoil... and so on and so forth. Essentially, the term's a reference to the strawberry generation's upbringing (a better and more sheltered environment than their parents), and to that same generation's inability to withstand pressure and to work hard.

I don't know why, but I just found the whole description rather amusing.