I hadn't realised Halloween in Singapore could be both so boring and yet so fun. Yesterday was the first I dressed up for the event, having rented a royal blue Arabian princess costume from No. 1 Costume Costume in Aliwal St (NB: The link doesn't show you the actual costume, but shows a similar, more revealing, version). The pants were a little too baggy for me - or rather, I was a little too short for the pants - but nevertheless, I looked cute enough for my satisfaction.

I had originally gone to Zouk with an old school friend, her university friend and some other of her friends that my friend had met in recent months but was stuck in Phuture with them for way too long. Don't get me wrong. Tony Tay is a great DJ but I can't take breakbeats for more than two hours. After that, I just go stir-crazy, which was when I ended up in Zouk, alone... but not for long!

As I was walking around Zouk, some people were saying, "Arabian Niiiiiights!" or "Cool costume!" and I would turn around and smile at them, forgetting my face was covered with my veil. Heh.

My main quibble: I didn't find any man dressed as an Arabian knight/sheik. This dancer didn't get to perform for anyone! But it didn't matter. My exhibitionist desires were fulfilled when I joined my friend on the platform - for perhaps the third time in my entire Zouk clubbing history!

My friend was dressed as an incredibly awesome cyborg, and I ended up dancing alongside him, a murderous geisha (who kept trying to kill me) and a psychotic pharaoh (who stole the geisha's cleaver, jumped off theplatform and went after other people, much to the annoyance of the geishawho wanted her cleaver back). At one point, there was another Arabian princess on the other platform, who was dressed in pink translucent gauze (i.e. the pink version of my costume) and we were both dancing, so it was pretty cool.

Some of the other people at Zouk were wild; some of the outfits spotted included a lifeguard with an inflatable doll, a cyborg (my friend), Mr. T., a giant banana, Spongebob Squarepants and friend, Ghostbusters... Oh well... till next year! Dare I say I'll be doing this again?

I prefer reading broadsheets as opposed to tabloids, if only for the intellectual standing associated with them. So, I'm rather mourning the fact that The Times has decided to become a tabloid.

Thank you for the music, John Peel. You'll be missed.

Thanks to the Don't Lose The Music campaign against hearing loss caused by exposure to loud music, I've become paranoid about my hearing, especially since there's been a ringing in my ears ever since the UNKLE gig in March earlier this year. In light of Zouk's November line-up, I've gone online, visited the Earplug Super Store and purchased a pair of UltraTech-16 earplugs, which provide an effective noise reduction of about 25db across the audible spectrum.

However, I'm slightly worried about whether the level of hearing protection I've selected is too high (!) and so, I've e-mailed the shop asking what they think and to send me a pair of ER-20 Hi-Fi ear plugs instead, which provide an effective noise reduction of 20db across the spectrum and are US$4 cheaper than the UltraTechs. As international delivery is estimated to take between 7 - 14 days and they'll only be mailing out my order within 72 hours, I'm really hoping I'll get them before Danny Tenaglia's marathon set. If not, I'll have to rely on my usual neon orange disposable earplugs.

Other sites which provide high-fidelity earplugs are:
Etymotic Research (United States)
ACS Hearing Protection (United Kingdom)
Richer Sounds (United Kingdom)

Zouk has just added Pete Tong and John Digweed to an already amazing end-of-year line-up, a line-up hitherto never seen before, not even in the likes of London, the clubbing capital of Europe.

So that makes:
Nov 06 - Sat - Danny Tenaglia
Nov 12 - Fri - Armin van Buuren
Nov 14 - Sun - Sasha
Nov 19 - Fri - Pete Tong
Nov 27 - Sat - John Digweed
Dec 04 - Sat - ZoukOut

They're either trying to prove a point or aiming to kill every clubber in the region.

But what a way to go...

It was a little tough making it through the day. I was getting by on very little sleep and didn't have much of an appetite. I was trying to distract myself with music, having recently rediscovered the joy that is OMD's If You Leave. However, the moment I let myself listen to the lyrics, and even worse, listen to Nada Surf's cover (written specially for The O.C., no less) in which the singer expresses far more emotion and yearning than the original, I felt myself slipping.

Nada Surf - If You Leave (OMD Cover)
If you leave, don't leave now
Please don't take my heart away
Promise me just one more night
Then we'll go our separate ways
We've always had time on our sides
Now it's fading fast
Every second every moment
We've gotta make it last

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd still be friends someday

If you leave I won't cry
I won't waste one single day
But if you leave don't look back
I'll be running the other way
Seven years went under the bridge
Like time was standing still
Heaven knows what happens now
You've gotta say you will

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd meet again

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd still be friends

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd meet again someday

If you leave
Oh if you leave
Oh if you leave
Don't look back
Don't look back

I guess it's not just my ex-boyfriend who's wondering how he got himself into a repeat situation. I'm now currently trying to figure out how I ended up falling in like with a guy who was initially attracted to me but has since rekindled a relationship with his ex-girlfriend. It's not exactly deja vu, but it's close enough to one other situation that I can recall that I can't help but feel like a prize idiot.

It doesn't help that he's such a nice guy and obviously didn't want me to be alone because I was fighting so damn hard not to cry. Even now, my neck muscles are aching from the strain of holding back the tears. My palms still bear the marks from when I drove my nails into them just trying to distract myself from what was happening.

I've been trying and trying to get over this guy for ages, and I guess this recent episode will really force me to move on once and for all, but right now, I'm just thinking... HOW THE F*** COULD I BE SO F***ING STUPID?

Apparently, I'm a good friend, and he fervently hopes that we'll remain that way. My acidic reply, "I've got a lot of good friends." "I don't," he said quietly. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to be as guai lan as my father. That's your problem, not mine." I said, halfway between anger and tears.

Obviously, we didn't part on such a bad note, but why is it that in this situation, I always seem to have to say something to reassure the guy that we'll be all right? I don't mean that I feel that I've got to say something of my own accord, but the guys always seem so worried that I'll just vanish on them all together that they just sit down there and wait for me to say something to convince them otherwise. Why is it that I'm the one who has to do the reassuring? Why can't they just bugger off and LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE, which is what I really need? Give me a good reason to think that you're an insensitive bastard and just let me hate your guts so that I don't ever want to see you again.

No, I'm wrong. What I really need is to talk to someone about this. On the phone. Without crying. And that's not possible, which is why I'm choosing the usual way I have of coping. Just crying alone in my room and keeping how f***ing devastated I am to myself.

Had dinner at Whitebait and Kale, an unexpectedly romantic and cosy restaurant located near where I live.

While getting ready for dinner, I was a little nervous, believe it or not. I was trying to figure out what kind of make-up to wear and what to do with my hair so that it wouldn't be so limp. While I didn't get any feedback from my date, I think I looked rather good, especially since my self-confidence was just positively radiating.

Yes, it was a date. And it's been a long while since I'd been on one. It didn't help that my friend - who knew my date - kept SMSing me randomly throughout the dinner, asking if I had asked whether my date was attached (and later on, instructions on how to get the information discreetly when I protested that I was all about subtlety and not at all direct, like how he was asking me to ask), which resulted in my reading the SMS, laughing like hell, looking slightly scandalised and putting the phone back down while in conversation with the guy.

The waitstaff were a little slow but quite friendly. One of them even came up to me to ask if I stayed in a certain part of Singapore, to which I replied in the negative and he said he asked only because I looked very familiar. As it was my first time to the restaurant, I said so, and then he said, "You could be a model. That's why I find you familiar." Thank you, dude. You made my day.

The apple crumble was the best apple crumbled I've ever eaten. I was trying so hard to keep the (for want of a better word) orgasmic expression off my face because it seriously was that good, so much so that I had to explain to the guy that I was suppressing the sheer joy which may be why I'm behaving so weirdly.

So. Verdict on date? He's a nice guy. I'm not falling just yet though. Is he keen? I hope so. It does my ego good if a guy's keen even if I'm not keen. ;P

I finally got my hands on Paul van Dyk's set at Club Colors in Hungary (11-08-1999). It's three hours long and it's been quite a struggle trying to download it because despite what my ISP says, my broadband doesn't seem as fast as any other broadband I've ever used.

And if you're a true trance fan, you'll know why I've been trying since the beginning of this year to get my hands on it once you see the tracklist!

On another note, I still feel like crap. Guess I'm going to have to give Space 2020: Yukun vs. John Askew a miss tonight!

I feel like a right piece of crap today. I fell ill with the flu two days back and haven't been able to shake it off.

On the bright side, I left work on time today (for once) and went off with a friend to get a costume for Halloween. I had no idea what to get, initially thinking I'd get the usual angel, devil, etc. costume. I had some vague Uma Thurman costume idea in mind as well, like in Pulp Fiction or in Kill Bill, Vol. 1.

In any case, I settled on an electric blue Arabian Nights outfit. It reveals the parts of me I'm comfortable with and hints at the rest of me, which I really like. It's not earth-shattering, but still, it is a costume, and I did put in the effort.

I'm really looking forward to the party now!

A friend, a cousin and now my own mother all think that I look like this local actress. Maybe I should go and auction off a date with me as well and see how much that raises.

Hah!

I spent a little time chatting with the second great love of my life over ICQ earlier today. It turns out his girlfriend will be leaving England for good on Sunday. Deja vu, he said, not quite knowing how he managed to get himself into this situation a second time in his life. I, of course, consoled him. After all, I'm a strong believer in grabbing life by the throat rather than let opportunities pass you by. In spite of all the pain and heartache I knew I would go through after our relationship ended, I still decided to pursue it. And look at what's happened - we're still good friends, even two years after we broke up.

That being said, I've become even more of a commitment-phobe lately. I'm honestly quite afraid of meeting nice guys in the event that I fall. Not that I fall for every nice guy that comes along, mind you, just that it's so hard to read men and their signals, and that lately, I'm even more vulnerable than I usually am, meaning that I've got to fight that much harder to not fall for "every single [man] that pays me a single shred of attention." [Taken from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.]

For the first time on a working day, the sun was still out when I ended work. But then, that's because I'm on training.

I got a haircut which I hate but will admit doesn't make me look hideous, just incredibly different.

I found a lady who's really nice and can repair my cherished pieces of costume jewellery. She also will make customised designs just for you.

Blush! lingerie was having a moving out sale which enabled me to grab a Wonderbra at S$18.

Thanks to a magazine promotion, I managed to get a Stila All Over Shimmer Face Illuminator as my lucky dip prize.

And to top things off, I'm happy for the first time in months.

Looks like I've found a new home for the next few weeks - Zouk! I sure hope my legs can hold up!

Oct 23 (Sat) - Guy Ornadel
Oct 30 (Sat - Halloween Party
Nov 06 (Sat)- Danny Tenaglia
Nov 12 (Fri) - Armin van Buuren
Nov 14 (Sun)- Sasha
Dec 04 (Sat) - ZoukOut with Paul van Dyk, Seb Fontaine, Satoshi Tomiie, Pippi and Jazzy Jeff

"What? You are kidding! I have sex everyday!"

I was in a right funk yesterday. Alternating between extreme fatigue (just one step away from having the room spinning) to short bursts of energy (whenever I listened to a good song like Dancing Queen or Sander Kleinenberg's dropping of a good tune) to fits of extreme frustration.

I swear... I've tried everything I can think of to snap myself out of it. Everything except drugs and cigarettes, that is. And I have no clue what's causing it - dissatisfaction with my job, my life, my everything, I don't know. So I just drank.

So, between the alcohol and the exhaustion, I don't quite know how I ended up dancing with an air force pilot who later on 'borrowed' my phone to SMS himself thereby ensuring he got my number with minimal fuss.

Do I think he's cute? He's not bad, but then there's always a certain je ne sais quoi about fighter pilots.

My friend said he's not worthy of me and that I could do so much better. But then again, my friends have been saying that for ages.

And it beats trying to move on. Why I'm still trying so hard to get over something that never was - with two men at that - I'll never know.

Went to watch Mamma Mia! today. It's a fantastic production. Terribly weak storyline but who cares? The singing and the dancing is great and it really uplifts you - which is great since I've been working long hours for the past three days (yes, Sunday too).

Check out this comment sent in by one of my countrymen to the Straits Times forum today:
"I just spent a week helping my daughter battle viral fever and stomach flu; my maid and younger son also caught strains of the two ailments. I was worn out.

"Then I attended the Sun-day matinee of Mamma Mia! During the show, I felt transported through time as I relived the passion and energy of my yesteryears. The feeling lingered long after the show and I slept way past midnight, after listening to other music CDs. To the cast of Mamma Mia!, I say, 'Thank you! You cannot imagine what a therapy you have been!'"

And I think I've fallen in love - this time with Christopher Parker, the actor who plays Sky, the daughter's husband-to-be, in the show. He's a Heath Ledger lookalike, another Aussie boy who I fell in love four years ago. Heh.

As you can see, I've limited my falling in love with those who I simply cannot get. That being said, I'm contemplating leaving him a note at the hotel the cast is staying at, just to see what kind of response I'll get. *cue girlish giggle*

So far this year, my romantic track record has been one heartbreak away from being catastrophic.

It's funny. Every year, I start out with a whole new bunch of resolutions (or rather, whole old bunch, considering they're virtually the same every year) and I jokingly conclude with a resolution to "break more hearts this year than I did last year." And each year, I manage to break exactly one heart: my own.

In fact, this year, I seem to be spending more time in the "getting over" stage than in the "falling in like" stage. And I'm getting tired of it. I've told myself that I'm not going to fall for anyone for the rest of the year, if only to delude myself into thinking that this will somehow make this year of the Monkey not a complete disaster for this Monkey.

In other news, I had to submit my self-assessment to my bosses on Friday. There's nothing quite like that exercise in order to make one re-evaluate their self-worth so utterly and completely.

Phuket was wonderfully fun, even though I was incredibly moody on and off throughout the trip. I guess I'll write about Phuket first because once I start going on about how frustrated I've been feeling, I'll never stop.

As part of the organising committee for this departmental offsite, I wasn't looking forward to this trip as I otherwise would have had I been going with friends. The thing is, as every organiser knows, there're bound to be complaints... and silly ones to boot. Still, I do love organising events.

Phuket turned out to be more active than anyone expected. We went ATV biking through the jungle near Chalong, shooting (I handled a .22 calibre pistol and achieved 44% accuracy :), go-karting (where I learnt to get over my fear of high speeds) and parasailing at Patong Beach, where our hotel was located. In between all of these activities, I went swimming in the hotel pool. For the record, it's the first time I've swum in four years, so it was nice to get back into the swim of things.

The food was pretty damn good too. We ate at Baan Rim Pa, an expensive restaurant with decent food and a great view of the bay at sunset, and Savoey Seafood, arguably Phuket's most famous restaurant for live seafood, if also a little overpriced. While not with the entire department, we discovered a local coffee outlet called Coffee Lovers which served terrific coffee, even if the prices were similar to Singapore prices.

I didn't do as much shopping as one might expect; my total haul (not including Thai snacks purchased for the family) consisted of a light blue transparent Thai silk top, a red cap, a pair of shades (both purchased from roadside stalls but nevertheless, excellent quality for fakes) and a colourful bag from the Jim Thompson canvas range.

And yes, I indulged in a two-hour Thai herbal massage at one of the shops in the delightfully-named Let's Relax chain... and for only 700 Baht too (~S$30)! It was a fantastic experience and I really do regret not having gone back for one more before leaving!