Wednesday, December 31, 2008

It's the last day of 2008.

Almost 1 year and 2 months since I decided to leave most of my good friends behind and move from a terrifying efficient city to one whose middle name should be inefficiency. 14 months since I left a job in which I was doing well and would, most likely, have continued to excel if I had stayed. 

How am I doing now? Well, I still don't have too many friends here, although I was someone who was considered to be able to make friends with almost anyone. Thanks, in part, to the long hours I put in at the office, and the fact that my hobbies - street dance class and intermittent rollerblading - did not necessarily lend themselves to the kind of people I would usually find it easy to open up to.

And, more importantly for me at the moment, I will soon be jobless. These are unprecedented times, my former and soon-to-be former bosses like to say. As if that's any source of comfort. So what if more senior people are also getting laid off? They make far more money than I do, and, even if they are not necessarily that much wealthier, their payoff will still be considerably higher than what I'll be getting.

But I digress. Do I regret moving? 

No. Not at all. It's something I've wanted for so long, and worked so hard to get. To be the first - and probably last - person from Asia to manage a transfer across to a more developed market in my company is no mean feat, in spite of the end result. No one saw this coming. Certainly not I, nor my former managers, who are rather upset this has happened to me.

But, more importantly, I am immensely thankful for the great support that I have received over the last few weeks. Two of my best friends here have done their best, in spite of their own troubles, to check on me and make sure I'm all right. MD, whom I would never have met if not for this transfer, has been ever so attentive and receptive to whenever I'm feeling down, even though I've been doing my best to hide it. And my family have been amazing. It has been incredible getting to spend this year in the same city as my brother for the first time in many years. To me, he's the best brother in the world. I may be biased, of course. And my parents! What can I say? They have been incredibly supportive in ways I did not expect. And, of course, with my parents up here on vacation, I have been growing fat, just gorging myself on my mother's wonderful cooking (laksa and curry!).

And, for me, this makes 2008 entirely worthwhile. In the oft-quoted words of John Cage from Ally McBeal, "if you think back and replay your year, if it doesn't bring you tears of joy or sadness, consider the year wasted." This year has certainly done both. And while I may have some regrets here and there, I think I've truly managed to live this year irrespective of the time I spent at work, and I thank God for how far I've come.

The outlook for 2009 may be bleak, but I'm confident that with some help from God and intercession from St. Jude, the patron saint of desperate causes, I will regain my footing and continue on my way to happiness.

Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I've been to a fair number of concerts over the last few weeks, namely, The Guillemots (for the fourth time this year), The Swell Season, Gotan Project and Coldplay, but haven't quite found the time to blog about them just yet. To be quite honest, while all of them were incredibly enjoyable, I just wasn't in the mood to sit down and think about any of the concerts. I'll attempt to do a summary of each of the concerts and might get down to writing about them more in depth over the coming weeks.

  1. The Swell Season at the Royal Albert Hall (November 10th) - Quite possibly the best concert I have watched all year, which is amazing given that other than that song, I hadn't a clue about any of the songs they would be performing. Glen Hansard was irrepressible; as he joked about how intimidated he felt by the incredible venue and the fact that his entire family had chosen the one gig he was the most nervous at to come to, he then said, "Ah f*** it, it's only a hall. One must always have a healthy disrespect a royal, especially if you're Irish." The chemistry between him and Marketa felt genuine as well, something which I didn't think was possible seeing as they've been on tour for well over a year now. But there it was, and it made me think about my own unusual love story, especially when they performed Falling Slowly which made me tear up just a little. They even had the audience singing to The Frames' People Get Ready (which they had to teach the audience first) which was nice. By the time the concert ended, I was filled with awe at how far these guys have come. Given how quickly fame has come upon them (in a sense), it's incredible how grounded the band seems. And that's what gets you - the sincerity of the band members, and the sense that they, too, are overwhelmed by this just as much as the audience is by the beauty of their music.
  2. The Guillemots at the Barbican (November 26th) - Though it was an unusually formal setting for a pop concert, Fyfe was his usual energetic, playful self. The only concession to the formality of the venue was that they used a piano instead of a keyboard, something which made this performance nicely different from the other three I'd watched this year. It was especially amusing to watch three members of the quartet try and cram themselves behind the piano to perform Kriss Kross, something which required Fyfe counting the audience in to help the band count in after they'd botched the intro, which was a cute touch. The band also performed the piano version of Sea Out, which was featured on episode 207 Chuck in Real Life of Gossip Girl (a show which Fyfe admitted that he'd never watched a single episode of), which was fantastic, given that this is a song the band has performed a number of times but have never recorded. I'd heard it once before during one of the other performances I've seen but wasn't able to find out the name of the song so I'm glad I've finally figured out what song this is.
  3. Gotan Project at the Roundhouse (December 11th) - Definitely the sexiest concert I have been to in my entire life. It's a good thing MD came along with me. He definitely got a lot more than he bargained far, and a dance (or possibly a performance) to one of the sexiest songs ever made, Santa Maria. When I caught up with him a few days later, he admitted that he still hadn't managed to get those few minutes out of his mind. And we were both more than fully clothed too, given that the cloakroom was full (i.e. he and I were both wearing sweaters and a coat, in addition to our work wear).
  4. Coldplay at the O2 (December 16th) - I know there are many who think Chris Martin's warbling and melodramatic lyrics are shite, but I quite like Coldplay. In fact, this is the third time I've seen the band perform, and, if everything works out, I'll be seeing them perform once more at Wembley in September when Jay-Z supports them. In any case, I was rather depressed the day I went to see them, and it did help cheer me up. Coldplay have definitely managed to improve on their audience interaction since I last saw them at the Singapore Indoor Stadium; Yellow featured their by-now trademark yellow balloons filled with confetti dropped over the audience while paper butterflies showered onto the delighted audience during Viva La Vida, my favourite song off their most recent album, and my pick-me-up anthem for the next few weeks because of the anthemic feel of the song.  Fix You helped to cheer me up (yes, it can have that effect on people, believe it or not - it's helped me get over another sad time in my life) and this unexpected performance with Simon Pegg (of Spaced and Shaun of the Dead!!) definitely made me laugh. I don't think they did this on the other two nights so I was well pleased I managed to make the one concert when Simon appeared (link to YouTube video here in case the embed doesn't work). 

    I remember one of the comments I made about their Singapore performance in 2006 was that almost every song off A Rush of Blood to the Head had been remixed and that my friend (a fellow Zoukette) and I had pretty much yelled "remix!" after a number of songs so it was to my great delight and amusement that Coldplay have, as a Christmas present, released the Thin White Duke's remix of Viva La Vida for Christmas on their web site. It will be available for downloading until January 5th. If you don't feel like providing them with an e-mail address (real or otherwise), pop over to Noise Porn and download it there.
That makes a total of 16 concerts I have been to this year, including South West Four, if I remember correctly. The only gig I haven't managed to blog about was Massive Attack's closing performance at Meltdown. I can't recall too much of it now, but it was fantastic, especially getting acquainted with Robert del Naja's sexy, husky voice up close and personally. What? He might be menacing, especially in Inertia Creeps, which was one of the songs performed, but he still manages to be sexy and dirty at the same time. Yuuum.

What a day. I've gone for my annual swim (note to self: must buy one piece swimsuit) and eaten nothing but fruit and assorted grains today (the fruit tart being a great combination of the two). I've carted my stuff back from P.'s where I've spent the last couple of days and will be spending a couple more later this week over the New Year.

I'll be returning to work tomorrow to polish up my job applications as I fully expect recruiters and companies to start thinking about work needs once 2009 begins even though we are in one of the worst economic downturns of all-time. I kind of have to think this way, because I can't afford to think otherwise. I don't quite have a Plan B/C at the moment, but, knowing me, will probably come up with one in a couple of months once I see exactly how the job market pans out for someone with my skills and ambitions.

Knowing just how difficult 2009 is looking at the moment, I desperately, desperately wish the New Year wasn't approaching so quickly. 2008 may have sucked in so many ways for me, but I can't shake the sense that 2009 just might be worse.

To top things off, temperatures have dropped to below zero today. Yeesh.

Friday, December 26, 2008

One of the best things about this Christmas season - besides getting to spend an unusually quarrel-free time with my family, and spending an unexpectedly sweet afternoon on Christmas Eve with MD - has been chilling out watching TV on P.'s new LCD TV with built-in Freeview receiver.

This has meant, among other things, getting to watch all of my favourite American crime dramas, such as CSI and Numb3rs, and a rather compelling episode of Cold Case called Beautiful Little Fool set in the roaring '20s. But it has also meant that P. and I can watch TV and make comments in dialect about the silliness that is Horatio Caine of CSI: Miami, which included a moment when, after Horatio makes one of his incredible leaps of faith which turn out to be correct, my saying in a totally deadpan tone of voice, "Hwah. Si beh kiang" (Hokkien for "damn bloody strong").

I love Hokkien. I'm just not at all good at speaking it, but it just cracks me up every time I get a chance to use it.

On a related note, Rockson's back!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Swing Thing (first broadcast on BBC Four on December 19th) will be available for viewing until 10.59 pm Friday December 26th on BBC iPlayer. The 90 minute documentary explores the evolution of swing, from the 1920s till today through interviews with the likes of Duke Ellington, Louis Armstrong and Norma Miller, and old film clips. Once billed as “dangerous music that made you have sex with people”, swing, in the words of the BBC, "inspired the first ever youth culture revolution and became a byword for sexual liberation and teenage excess well before the Swinging Sixties."

If you're an avid swing music lover, be sure to catch this show while it's still available. Watching the vintage footage of Louis Armstrong - one of my favourite jazz musicians ever because of the sheer genius of his improvisations - sent shivers down my spine.

From a 1973 interview:
Michael Parkinson: Did you ever have trouble with federal agents (at the Cotton Club during the Prohibition)?
Duke Ellington: No. There was never anything left for them to confiscate.

Monday, December 15, 2008

I was told recently that I would naturally encounter good days and bad days following news that my position would be eliminated, and that what I needed to do was to ensure I never had two bad days in a row.

Having to be in the office for various reasons throughout last week made following that piece of advice difficult; suffice it to say that I had a very bad day while having to interact with a number of my peers in the same department and just knowing how much more I know than they do, and how much harder I work than they do, and yet, I'm the one being asked to leave.

I know some might think I'm trying to justify this by saying I'm not a weak performer when I surely must be given that my job has been cut. But I'm not. Even my former boss told me that it couldn't possibly have been for performance reasons having worked with me for just under two years.

As a result, I've been trying incredibly hard to distract myself from everything, but it's not easy when money's going to be something I'm aiming to conserve over the next few months, particularly because the Tier I visa application is not cheap. 

It's been just over a week since I received the news, and, yet, it feels like a lifetime. I feel like I should be over this by now, and, yet... it's only been a week.

So I am incredibly thankful that I've got wonderful people in my life. My brother has been great, and MD has just been beyond incredible. It was very, very nice to wake up today to find him beside me, both of us having fallen asleep in my flat last night after a tiring dance workshop, hugging me and comforting me as I unexpectedly burst into tears because of all the anger, hurt and uncertainty that I'm now feeling.

I hope I'll be able to find the strength and courage that have helped me get this far and pick myself off the ground and find the better things I'm supposed to be going on to soon.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

For Now
Avenue Q

PRINCETON:
Why does everything have to be so hard?

GARY COLEMAN:
Maybe you'll never find your purpose.

CHRISTMAS EVE:
Lots of people don't.

PRINCETON:
But then- I don't know why I'm even alive!

KATE MONSTER:
Well, who does, really?
Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied.

BRIAN:
Everyone goes 'round a little empty inside.

GARY COLEMAN:
Take a breath,
Look around,

BRIAN:
Swallow your pride,

KATE MONSTER:
For now...

BRIAN, KATE, GARY, CHRISTMAS EVE:
For now...

NICKY:
Nothing lasts,

ROD:
Life goes on,

NICKY:
Full of surprises.

ROD:
You'll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.

CHRISTMAS EVE:
You're going to have to make a few compromises...
For now...

TREKKIE MONSTER:
For now...

ALL:
But only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now!

LUCY:
For now we're healthy.

BRIAN:
For now we're employed.

BAD IDEA BEARS:
For now we're happy...

KATE MONSTER:
If not overjoyed.

PRINCETON:
And we'll accept the things we cannot avoid, for now...

GARY COLEMAN:
For now...

TREKKIE MONSTER:
For now...

KATE MONSTER:
For now...

ALL:
But only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now!

Only for now!
(For now there's life!)
Only for now!
(For now there's love!)
Only for now!
(For now there's work!)
For now there's happiness!
But only for now!
(For now discomfort!)
Only for now!
(For now there's friendship!)
Only for now (For now!)
Only for now!

Only for now! (Sex!)
Is only for now! (Your hair!)
Is only for now! (George Bush!)
Is only for now!

Don't stress,
Relax,
Let life roll off your backs
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now!

NICKY:
Each time you smile...

ALL:
...Only for now

KATE MONSTER:
It'll only last a while.

ALL:
...Only for now

PRINCETON:
Life may be scary...

ALL:
...Only for now
But it's only temporary

Ba-dum ba-dum
Ba-dum ba-dum
Ba dum ba-dum
Ba-da da da da
ba-da da-da da da-da
Ba-dum ba-da, ba-dum ba-da
ohhhh-

PRINCETON:
Everything in life is only for now.

Avenue Q spoilers lie ahead.

Avenue Q was 95% incredibly funny and 5% incredibly painful. Under normal circumstances, the musical would be monstrously (hee hee hee) hilarious. Unfortunately, these are anything but normal circumstances, hence, topics such as being laid off and job hunting are still not topics I am able to handle without feeling any discomfort, while the break-up explored in the show doesn't really help matters either.

Still, it's a great show, and definitely unexpectedly, brashly, rudely funny, and, for the most part, the singers are talented, with my favourite being Rachel Jerram (I think) the singer who played Kate Monster and Lucy the Slut. Both characters sound very different, and it's a testament to the singer's ability that the moods and personalities of both characters come through. The other main lead - Daniel Boys who plays Princeton and Rod - wasn't too bad either, though, at first, I wasn't able to hear much of what he sang when he first came on.

My favourite songs - and there are so many! - would be There's a Fine Fine Line, The Internet is for Porn, Everybody's a Little Racist Sometimes, It Sucks to Be Me and For Now.

The show 'says furwell' on March 28th 2009 and I would encourage everyone to go see it if they haven't seen it already, and then to see it again! The original Broadway Kate Monster, Julie Atherton, will be playing most shows until the end of the season. 

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Just before I left the office today, I pulled at something rather hard and ended up breaking my nail. MD seemed more pained by it than I was. "Poor baby," he said, holding me, "it just seems like nothing's going right for you right now."

I am just incredibly grateful that amidst all of this, I've got him. When I heard the news on Thursday, I was crying incredibly badly. It's only a job, some people might say, but it was, nevertheless, something which I was dreading but not expecting, and is now making me scramble to apply for the Tier I visa just so I can stay here and look for another job.

When MD heard (because I called him), he came over to my place, which is over an hour from where he lives, bringing a bouquet of flowers and just basically brought me dinner (I wasn't hungry but he insisted), holding me as I sobbed, and tucking me into bed before going home at 1 am. All this two days before his CFA Level I exam.

I didn't ask him to come. He offered. And I'm glad he offered, because I was so miserable that night and the next couple of days over what had happened, that I don't know how I would have coped without him being there to soak up my fear, frustration and bouts of depression.

I'm still not out of the woods yet, but I am growing more accustomed to the idea of taking a step back, re-evaluating what it is I want to do and venturing into not a different line of work, but just a different sector within the same field.

I just really hope I get something I want to do, regardless of the remuneration.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

When something like this happens, it's bound to hit one's self-confidence. It makes one doubt whether they were doing a good job in the first place, as surely if they were performing, this would never have happened, right?

What's been gratifying, in a sense, is that my team-mates have all seemed to be genuinely surprised this has happened; one of them even going as far as to say that this was ridiculous, and that, clearly, top rankings do nothing at all at the end of the day.

What's been even more unexpected have been the conversations I have had with people outside of my team, one of whom is a very senior manager at my company, and whom I have done a fair amount of work for and enjoy working with, asked me if I was interested in working in any other department. I said, "yes, definitely, blah blah blah so as to enable me to better use the skills I have learnt in pursuing yada yada yada." He then said, "let me speak to some people over there. I can't guarantee anything, but at least you may be able to speak to someone." To say I was incredibly surprised and grateful - even if it is just the offer to talk and nothing comes of it - is an understatement.

Another colleague told me he thought what had happened was "ridiculous" and after hearing about me, told me that he had no idea how these things were decided. He also said he'd have a think and let me know of anything he could think of.

I guess there are some advantages to being the only one of my level cut. At the same time, everyone else of my level was cut in the first round earlier in the year, so I guess they're clearing out the one lone remainder now!

Friday, December 05, 2008

I am officially a victim of the credit quake.

:(

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Apparently, there's still one bright spot in South East Asia... but maybe not for the chickens.
KFC Malaysia Sees Fastest Sales Growth in 10 Years

Dec. 3 (Bloomberg) -- KFC Holdings (Malaysia) Bhd., the best performer on the nation’s benchmark stock index, said it will sustain the fastest sales growth in at least 10 years as demand for deep-fried chicken defies an economic slowdown.

“People still have to eat and we’re not running a posh restaurant,” Chairman Muhammad Ali Hashim said.
The accompanying photo is rather amusing as well. Definite Photoshop potential there!

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I was in Selfridges over the weekend and noticed the Vosges counter and was astounded to find that Mo's Bacon Bar, 85g of incredibly delicious dark chocolate with smokey bacon (!) bar I discovered in the corner shop next to my friend's place in Brooklyn, was selling for £6, when I'd bought it for around $5 (I think).

£6! At one time, that would have been $12, but is now under $9. That's the same price as a 50g bar of Amedei! And Amedei's Chuao chocolate is the best chocolate I have ever eaten, and has the awards to back that up too.

Anyway, as it turns out, Selfridges had sold its entire stock of several hundred bars in 48 hours just a few days before I went.

Booyah! I am such a trendsetter. 

In all honesty, I love the bar. It's awesome. You can taste both the dark chocolate and the salty bacon and it's amazing. It's definitely not for everyone. P. loved it, which is brilliant, because it hurt to give him the only bar I had left from New York. MD, not so much, although he diplomatically thanked me for giving him the opportunity to try it once in his lifetime. Heh. A great way to repay him for having bought me three boxes of Chuao too... for €45!

If you do have the good fortune to come across this bar (especially at the price I bought it at, given that it apparently sells at between $7 to $10 in other US stores), give it a go. Just make sure you eat only one square at a time.

Trade union Unite has blasted announcements of job cuts by banking giants HSBC and Credit Suisse and car manufacturer Aston Martin, particularly timed so close to Christmas.

Given the news that's been going around (up to 70,000 job losses predicted in the financial services sector in London alone), it's a little difficult to imagine any one company holding off on planned job cuts just because the festive season is coming up... other than perhaps Citigroup, where rumour has it the first lady to get laid off last week fled to the restrooms and locked herself in a cubicle whereupon security had to persuade her to come out. If you think about it, with bonus pay-outs due in the first quarter of 2009, it's only natural that cuts are announced now, as, any later, and, quite possibly, the company would have to pay out, assuming, of course, the person who is due to be made redundant would have received a bonus in the first place, which is a little unlikely given current market conditions.

In any case, I dearly wish they would hold off. There's a rumour going around that my company will be announcing the names of those who will be losing their jobs later this week; needless to say, it's made it difficult for a number of us to concentrate. I even printed out all of my payslips in the event I need to apply for a Tier I visa.

Given my previous posts, you're probably wondering how a person in fear of losing her job still go on spending? It's simple. It's not an explanation which those who don't work in my field get, I suspect, but for those of us who work the same kind of killer hours and with the same kind of stress everyday, we spend because we're stressed out.

We don't get to leave the office at sociable hours, so when we are out of the office, we spend. We spend in order to unwind. And when I unwind, I don't want to go home and drink plonk from a cheap plastic glass; I want to go out to a nice bar and party with some like-minded friends. And when I dress up, I want beautiful, well-made shoes. And when I get into the office, I don't wear to go in looking as if my entire wardrobe's from Primark. I want to look good. And in an industry where we do judge people by their appearances and outfits, I need to look as if I'm destined for the top so that I can make it there.

In short, we live expensive lifestyles. True, we could curb our spending, but it's difficult. We can't live like students. Neither can we afford to live like billionaires. We're not paid all that much, really, and definitely not on an hourly basis.

And I guess, if you're not in my field, you'll still be all "oh, poor baby, I still don't sympathise with you." And, honestly, I don't blame you. Still, I am what I am, I work where I work. I do get it, as do my friends. And, I guess, as long as none of us lives beyond our means, we'll be fine in the end.