The Power of Vulnerability and Storytelling - A Saturday well-spent

I had the exquisite and utter privilege of attending hugely inspiring workshop titled “The Power of Vulnerability and Storytelling” over the weekend. I found the workshop through a link in a WeAreTheCity bulletin and was intrigued by the title, given I’m interested in both topics (In brief, I’ve listened to a few talks on vulnerability, including one organised by The School of Life in 2012, and am also signed up to go to a talk by on storytelling next month).

Then I read the description. As it turned out, the workshop was going to be based on Dr. Brené Brown’s research and I thought, “I am so there!” 

This was the same speaker whose talk I so very enjoyed in 2012, and to whom I said (when it came to my turn to get my book signed) that, at the time, I'd attempted a career change which didn't quite work out and felt silly for doing so, and she responded something along the lines that doing something scary wasn't something to be ashamed of, but to be celebrated. 

Goal for 2018

If you asked me which goal I would love to achieve, no matter how unattainable, I would tell you that I would love to find a way to set free the “me” that I am with my close friends, and have that version of me come out in all situations and settings. 

It’s been commented on that I light up when I am around my close friends, and that’s absolutely true. I’ve noticed it myself. I am so much happier and care-free when I’m with them, and I don’t hold any part of myself back. Even a former manager has commented on that before, saying that if I could just capture the person that I am when I’m comfortable and be it in all situations, then I would just smash it, regardless of the situation I were facing.

So why do I feel that much safer around my old friends?

This isn't an easy question for me to analyse; my old friends don't see the other side of me, while my newer friends don't see the brightest possible version of me, so neither of them would be of much help in terms of telling me what it is that's different.

Nevertheless, it's something that I've decided I really need to work on this year. Even an inch of progress on this undoubtedly long journey would be enough, just as long as I start. 

Beau Lotto's Vision - Neuroscience and Creativity

My company has done a lot in the past year or so to foster people whom they perceive to have leadership potential. It really helps to have someone who doesn’t come from a pure HR background administering this as well, as the energy and ideas they bring to such a programme have been truly refreshing. One of the benefits of this programme that I have been able to enjoy is my company’s membership of the London Business Forum which allows us to attend talks by renowned speakers, and not just in the traditional business sense.

One such talk was the talk by Beau Lotto, perhaps best known from his appearances as a TED speaker, on Vision held at the beautiful BAFTA space in Piccadilly. Beau is a neuroscientist whose work focuses on human perception, and the purpose of the talk was meant to show us how and what to change in order to be more creative.

The London 2012 Games – a personal commentary

I know others have written about this, and more eloquently too, but I just wanted to capture my thoughts on what it’s felt like to have been in the great city of London throughout the Olympics and Paralympics. I’m one of those who’s always wanted to be here (job situation aside). The mere thought of leaving the city because of the expected influx of tourists and resultant chaos never even crossed my mind. I mean, seriously? Leave London and voluntarily miss out on being a part of the greatest Olympic Games ever? Are you loco?

Up until June, I didn’t expect to be watching any events live.

The Accidental Guide To Enjoying Life While Unemployed – Part 4 – Expand Your Mind

Welcome back to my accidental guide to enjoying life while unemployed. Part 4, the final installment, focuses on expanding your mind, a natural enough progression from having dealt with the basics in Part 1, eating & drinking in Part 2 and keeping fit and active in Part 3.

I apologise for the delay in getting this up. The delay was, aptly enough, due to my having landed a job, which, due to its nature, meant that I was occupied with running around, having to arrange all sorts of things before its commencement.

That being said, I did have fun writing and researching this. And, given the sheer amount of time that I’ve been off work, will continue to practice what I’ve preached with only the occasional indulgence.

Part 1 – The Essentials
Part 2 – Eating & Drinking
Part 3 – Keeping Fit
Part 4 – Expand Your Mind

Please note that I do not benefit from any of sites I have linked to.

Michael Lewis – Don’t Eat Fortune’s Cookie

Michael Lewis, author of Liar’s Poker and alumnus of my university, spoke at Princeton’s baccalaureate ceremony recently on the importance of luck and the part it plays in success.

Now, like many people out there, I have been one of those who was incredibly envious of Michael’s success, because much of it seemed borne out of having been lucky enough to sit next to the wife of a high-powered investment banker at a party. Long story short, the wife influenced her husband into giving him a job, and, for the next few years, Michael had a prime view of what went on in the murky world of banking, which subsequently enabled him to write Liar’s Poker. The rest, as they say, is history.

Lucky b******.

The Accidental Guide To Enjoying Life While Unemployed – Part 2 – Eating & Drinking

Now that we’ve covered the basics of coping with unemployment, it’s time to move on to life’s visceral pleasures: eating & drinking. In this post, I’ve chosen to focus on cooking, dining out, coffee and wine, all of which I enjoy.

As I mentioned in Part 1, this isn’t intended to be a comprehensive guide to be followed step-by-step, and should be regarded as a supplement to help you enjoy life a little bit more than you may have been. An aide de vivre, if you will.

Feel free to spread the word to anyone whom you think would benefit from this. I’d also appreciate it if you would leave a comment, either sharing a tip or letting me know what you think.

Part 1 – The Essentials
Part 2 – Eating & Drinking
Part 3 – Keeping Fit
Part 4 – Expand Your Mind

Please note that I do not benefit from any of sites I have linked to unless explicitly stated.

The Accidental Guide To Enjoying Life While Unemployed – Part 1 – The Essentials

As you might guess from the title, this isn’t something I set out to write. At least, not something as long as it’s become. The inspiration, as it were, for this, came about when I’d met up with some Twitter friends. They hadn’t realised I’d been unemployed for as long as I’d been as I’d been so great at keeping myself busy.

Now, I’m not an expert at this. Nor do I ever wish to be. And everyone’s circumstances are different. Take everything I say with a pinch of salt because, while I’m offering serious advice, my tongue has been pretty much firmly lodged in my cheek the whole time.

I’ve categorised my guide into four parts:

Part 1 – The Essentials
Part 2 – Eating & Drinking
Part 3 – Keeping Fit
Part 4 – Expand Your Mind

So, just how have I managed to enjoy living the life of the unemployed? Let’s start with the essentials.

No such thing as a stupid question

I attended a speed-mentoring event as part of the Women of the World Festival held at the Southbank Centre just under two weeks ago (more on that in a later post). I had to do some preparation for the event, and found the process rather useful, which is why I felt it deserved a separate blog post in of itself.

The day before the event, I was e-mailed an instruction sheet, describing what I should do beforehand so as to maximise the benefit I would receive from speaking to the mentors:

Think
 about 
2 
or 
3 
problems/issues/challenges 
you 
would
 like
 to
 address
 during 
the 
session:


1. Develop
 a 
brief 
description 
of 
each 
problem/issue/challenge

2. 
Place 
this 
problem 
in 
the 
context 
of 
your 
personal 
goals, 
priorities, 
and 
values
3. 
Try 
to 
identify 
any 
options 
you 
are 
considering
4. 
What 
are 
the 
advantages 
and 
disadvantages 
of 
these 
options


Now
 develop
 a
 2‐3
 minute
 description
 of
 yourself
 that
 provides
 the
 context
 for
 the

problems/issues/challenges
 you 
want
 mentoring 
about.

During 
each 
speed-
mentoring 
session, 
you 
will 
want 
to 
start 
with 
the 
description 
of 
yourself
 and
 then
 move 
on 
to 
the 
description 
of 
your
 problem/issue/challenge.


Now, this, as I discovered, was far easier said than done. I realised I wouldn’t necessarily want to rehash the same question with each of the four mentors, but, for me, there’s really only one burning question that keeps going through my head and that’s “what on earth is it that I want to do?”

We don't need no education... but what if it's free?

Last night, I discovered through Monevator that Stanford University is now offering free online courses, including one on Model Thinking, which has received Forbes' endorsement. Now, Stanford's online offering Coursera states that it is:

We are committed to making the best education in the world freely available to any person who seeks it. We envision people throughout the world, in both developed and developing countries, using our platform to get access to world-leading education that has so far been available only to a tiny few. We see them using this education to improve their lives, the lives of their families, and the communities they live.

Truly, an admirable purpose. If you're time-constrained or worry about whether you can keep up, have no fear, as you can view the online lectures and peruse the reading materials at your own pace. If you so wish, you can tackle the quizzes and final exam, and, if you pass, receive a certificate of completion.

Keep on keeping on

It's been a funny few days. I've been finding it incredibly hard to be focussed and motivated over the past few weeks. Perhaps it's because of burn-out, perhaps it's because it's cold, perhaps it's just down to the fact that I find it incredibly difficult to work in my own flat, because I want to keep my flat insulated from the stresses of work and have it remain as my refuge from the outside world when things get too tough.

Despite exhortations from friends and family that this is my year and that I can't afford to think like I'm not going to be able to get work, I'm still kind of iffy, particularly because, if nothing else, I've had a rough time with respect to job-hunting in relation to what I've years of experience doing. To be honest, this is the first time ever I've not been called in for a first-round interview, despite the fact that, prior to my last job, I had an excellent track record doing what it is they're looking for. Never mind the fact that I may not have the passion to do that job any more, but if you're looking just at skill sets alone, I can guarantee you that you won't find anyone better, even if I've had a couple of months off.

Don't Settle

You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

- Steve Jobs, commencement speech, Stanford University, 2005

There are many things that one cannot prevent. One can no more stop the stars from shining than one can stop the tide from coming in. In the same way, I just cannot seem to prevent my mind from going around in circles over this, for lack of a better word, problem.

I know what it is a rational, logical person would do under these circumstances. And I am, indeed, a rational, logical person with common sense in spades. This, I realised today, when talking a client through the trends in the industry I work in, despite only having been working in this sector for just over a month now.

Yet, that main strength in work, is something which fails so very often when I think about love and relationships. My all-too-compassionate and foolhardy heart seems to win out over my wisdom nine times out of ten.

How to kick butt (or die in the attempt)

And it would not be a bad life. He knew that too. Sometimes there is nothing you can do.
- Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman

At the risk of exposing just how truly geeky I was in my youth, there's a rule in competitive chess called "touch-move". It's much more eloquent in Mandarin: 举手不回 (roughly translated as "once you've raised your hand, there's no turning back").

In gameplay, it means once you've touched a piece, you've committed to moving it (unless you invoke another technical rule, but that would detract from my analogy). In short, there's no 'undo' button. What's done is done.

And I guess that's how I've more or less been living life. There've been times in my life when I've been scared - the time when I started down the path which eventually led my moving back to London springs to mind, the time I finally decided that, yes, MD and I would get together as a couple in spite of my initial misgivings (which turned out to be correct, but, hey, c'est la vie, no?), and, now, the position I'm facing with my career move - but, I've always taken that first step knowing full well that in taking that step, I've committed to it, and that there's no turning back.

I don't want to live my life wondering what lay down the paths I didn't take. And I don't believe in doing things by half-measures. Why dip my toe in the water when I can dive off a cliff? Sure, it might hurt a lot more that way, but, sometimes, you just have to take a leap because you'll need the momentum to succeed.

And, to be honest, I don't care about the consequences. Well, I tell a lie. I do, but not as much, at least for now. I don't care what other people think.

And this leads to the other thing I keep saying. I've got to try. You can't win if you don't play. Sure, sometimes it's easier to stand on the sidelines and imagine what might have been. But if you don't play, you've already lost.

举手不回. You can't win if you don't play.

Two pretty powerful tenets to live life by, and two I need to bear in mind if I really want to kick butt.

Dance Yourself Clean

I don't think I've ever felt as happy or as free in London in recent times as I did on Saturday.

What exactly was it about that day which made me so happy?

Maybe it was the awesome Britney dance workshop I took, maybe it was the alcohol I drank, maybe it was the great venue that is Bloomsbury Lanes, and maybe it was just meeting fantastic people with whom I clicked and just ended up talking complete and utter rubbish with. Any of these things would have made me mildly happy. The combination of all of them, I suspect, led to my being incredibly, deliriously relaxed.

Let me talk a little about the workshop. As always, it was conducted by my favourite street dance teacher, Elliot, whose class never fails to leave me happy. He'd decided to teach us the routines to Slave 4 U (probably my favourite Britney song because it's just so durrty) and Toxic. And, of course, as it was Elliot's class, it wasn't easy. As it'd be quite some time since I last attended one of his classes, it was time for me to re-learn the lessons that I'd learnt a while back:

1. A class is meant to be difficult. If it's not hard, you're not learning. If you're not learning, it's not good.
2. When in dance - and in all else - if you feel you can't do it, put on a character who can. Leave all your inhibitions behind and just be that crazy creature who can do it all, and has the attitude to match. 

And you know what? I may not have killed it, but there was a moment when I nailed it and the grin on my face was so incredibly huge, you could have spotted it from a mile away.

What I didn't expect was Elliot to get us all into a dance circle at the very end where everyone was expected to dance in the middle while he played a Britney mini-mix. I'd half expected someone to turn all professional on us, but no one did, instead opting for cheesy dance moves, much to my relief!

I had a short break between the workshop to get ready for a friend's birthday whereupon I ran into a lady whom I'd met over a year ago. It turned out neither one of us really knew that many people there, and we had several things in common and ended up chatting for the remainder of the party while nursing some rather unusual beers. As she was leaving to meet up with her friends at Bloomsbury Lanes, she invited me along, possibly because I'd said I'd heard so many great things about the venue but none of my friends wanted to dress up and go.

I'm not sure why I decided to go as, usually, I'd feel strange about gatecrashing someone else's event, and not knowing anyone else there, but it was just one of those nights when I'd thrown all caution to the wind quite some time ago. Quite possibly, I was still in my Britney character as I knew I was looking good, if not quite in an appropriate outfit for bowling (read: short dress).

Off I went. It turned out to that We, Like You featuring Norman Jay (MBE) was happening that night, so double yay! I ended up bowling and boogie-ing all at the same time. I really sucked at the former, not even breaking 50. Fortunately, I was much better at the latter. I think it's the first time in a while I was busting out crazy dance moves in front of almost-perfect-strangers. The music was wonderful, ranging from Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al to Major Lazer - Pon Di Floor and everything else in between.

They even dropped a techno remix to an Irish tune which sounded a lot like one of the tunes off Sid Meier's Colonization, one of my favourite computer games ever, and, yes, everyone on the floor was doing an Irish dance. How cool is that?!

We finished bowling just about the time Norman stepped up to the decks. He dropped a combination of funky house and drum 'n' bass tunes, and I've got to say it's a bit of a relief to find out that no one really knows how to dance to d 'n' b. Everyone pretty much just tries to move as fast as they can!

What completed that great night was that the lady who'd invited me along? She loves to dance too, so, there we were, both of us, just showing off some moves. It was awesome.

As the clock struck 1 am, which then turned into 2 am as the clocks moved forward, I decided I needed to make a move as I had to get up early the following morning. I pretty much bounced back home, so happy and relaxed I was. It's been a long time since I had a proper dance (and, by that, I mean a challenging dance routine) and a proper clubbing session (and, by that, I mean just strutting my stuff with fellow dancers).

So, yes. Spring has officially arrived, and I have found another reason, another memory, as to why I love London so much.

In the immortal words of Neil Gaiman:

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

I'm through accepting limits / 'cause someone says they're so.
Some things I cannot change / But till I try, I'll never know!
-  Defying Gravity (Wicked)

What do you need to make a man?

Iron enough to make a nail,
Lime enough to paint a wall,
Water enough to drown a dog,
Sulphur enough to stop the fleas,
Poison enough to kill a cow,
Potash enough to wash a shirt,
Gold enough to buy a bean,
Silver enough to coat a pin,
Lead enough to ballast a bird,
Phosphor enough to light the town,

Strength enough to build a home,
Time enough to hold a child,
Love enough to break a heart.

- The Wintersmith by Sir Terry Pratchett

Thank you, Sir Terry, for the wonderful books you have written. I don't think there's been a single book of yours which I haven't enjoyed.

For Now
Avenue Q

PRINCETON:
Why does everything have to be so hard?

GARY COLEMAN:
Maybe you'll never find your purpose.

CHRISTMAS EVE:
Lots of people don't.

PRINCETON:
But then- I don't know why I'm even alive!

KATE MONSTER:
Well, who does, really?
Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied.

BRIAN:
Everyone goes 'round a little empty inside.

GARY COLEMAN:
Take a breath,
Look around,

BRIAN:
Swallow your pride,

KATE MONSTER:
For now...

BRIAN, KATE, GARY, CHRISTMAS EVE:
For now...

NICKY:
Nothing lasts,

ROD:
Life goes on,

NICKY:
Full of surprises.

ROD:
You'll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.

CHRISTMAS EVE:
You're going to have to make a few compromises...
For now...

TREKKIE MONSTER:
For now...

ALL:
But only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now!

LUCY:
For now we're healthy.

BRIAN:
For now we're employed.

BAD IDEA BEARS:
For now we're happy...

KATE MONSTER:
If not overjoyed.

PRINCETON:
And we'll accept the things we cannot avoid, for now...

GARY COLEMAN:
For now...

TREKKIE MONSTER:
For now...

KATE MONSTER:
For now...

ALL:
But only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now!

Only for now!
(For now there's life!)
Only for now!
(For now there's love!)
Only for now!
(For now there's work!)
For now there's happiness!
But only for now!
(For now discomfort!)
Only for now!
(For now there's friendship!)
Only for now (For now!)
Only for now!

Only for now! (Sex!)
Is only for now! (Your hair!)
Is only for now! (George Bush!)
Is only for now!

Don't stress,
Relax,
Let life roll off your backs
Except for death and paying taxes,
Everything in life is only for now!

NICKY:
Each time you smile...

ALL:
...Only for now

KATE MONSTER:
It'll only last a while.

ALL:
...Only for now

PRINCETON:
Life may be scary...

ALL:
...Only for now
But it's only temporary

Ba-dum ba-dum
Ba-dum ba-dum
Ba dum ba-dum
Ba-da da da da
ba-da da-da da da-da
Ba-dum ba-da, ba-dum ba-da
ohhhh-

PRINCETON:
Everything in life is only for now.

"Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. In the face of all we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it all together."
- Episode 4.15 Crazytown, Grey's Anatomy

It's been a heck of a day today. I don't want to blog about it right now, but those of you who I've spoken to know why I'm so shaken. It's the peril of working where I work, I'll accept that, but, still, it's always unexpected when it's the first time.

It may not be that important in the grand scheme of things, but right now, the narrow escape is all I can think about.

Knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
- Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy - Episode 1.06: If Tomorrow Never Comes)

I'm glad to say that in my personal life, I've always tried. I've encountered some fairly spectacular failures which have all left their mark on me, but at least I can stand tall, knowing that in spite of the fear of failure, I always gave it a shot.

Some of the more outrageous things I've done included:

• Going out with a bunch of marines I met on my first night in Berlin to grab a couple of beers even though I was incredibly jet-lagged and exhausted from three incredibly rigorous weeks of work-related training.
• Walking around deserted Ljubljana from 11.30 pm to 3 am with an American who I had just met about an hour before.
• Walking up to a stud I saw in a bar in front of all of his friends and asking for his phone number.
• Telling a friend of mine that I'd been having the biggest crush on him for the longest time and that even though he was going overseas to work, I wanted him to know that. As it turned out, he didn't feel the same way about me, but as the saying goes, knowing is better than wondering.
  
• Turning up at the same place where a person I was deeply enamoured with was at and giving him a Time Out chocolate bar because, as I told him, "I know you've had a rough week and I thought you'd like some time out." This was about a few weeks after we had first met, after he had called me five days in a row just to chat about anything and everything and after he had dropped by my office at 10 pm to bring me out for a cup of coffee when I was working late. On the same occasion as the Time Out incident, I met the girl he was attending the event with. She turned out to be his ex-ex-ex-ex-(etc.) girlfriend and subsequently, his girlfriend.

Some of them, quite obviously, hurt, while others didn't. And of course I cringe whenever I think about some of the stuff I've done. I mean, come on! The very last item listed? It's like one of the things you see on American "dramedies" like Ally McBeal or Grey's Anatomy. Almost humiliating yourself by doing something really sweet and quirky for someone you've decided you're going to go out on a limb for and risk being thought of as someone who's a little too earnest, a little too sweet and a little too silly? And then right after that, meeting "the other woman" and then wondering, "wait a second, what if I'm the other woman and not her?"

Oh well.

At least, I can say that I tried. And no, I don't regret what I did. It made one heck of a story to tell the girlfriends.

I wish I could say the same thing about my professional life though.

(P.S. If you're wondering why I've got so many Grey's Anatomy quotes, it's because I watch them twice a week, once on Monday at 11 pm on Channel 5 (Season 2) and another on Wednesday at 9 pm on Starworld (Season 1).)