I had one of the best weekends of my life at SEA Jam. The Harlem Hot Shots were wonderful as teachers and as performers, and being able to learn from Frankie Manning is at once incredible and awe-inspiring. I could go on a lot more about the camp and how it made me rediscover just how happy swing dancing makes me, but that is for another entry, one that will hopefully come very soon.

Instead, let me gush on about the hottest guy I have ever seen in my life (or so far as I recall): Daniel from the Hot Shots. Tall, blond, blue-eyed, friendly, nice accent and a great dancer. In other words, more than perfect. The funny thing is, he's only hot whenever he wears his spectacles. Otherwise, I wouldn't have noticed him at all. It took a great amount of courage on my part to walk up to him yesterday night and get a photo with him, half making up some story to explain why I wanted his photo, because damn it, that man knows he's good-looking. And he was very nice and almost cheeky about it too. If only there were some way that I'd get to go out on a date and dance with him, and seriously, I'd be on cloud nine for many many many days.

Here's a photo of him, taken from the Hot Shots' web site (obviously, he's the only man in the photo):
In case you're wondering why it is that I chat up good looking guys and all that, let me chalk it up to this: I didn't really consider myself as being all that good-looking until some time during university. In fact, quite the opposite. Those who know me personally may be rather astonished on learning that, but when you've had a guy call you up to taunt you about being ugly during your junior college days (in respose to my rejecting a friend of his who had bet a couple of hundred dollars that he could get me to go out with him, but I didn't know this until much later) , I'd say you'd probably react the same way I did, which is half believe that he's correct until one day, you believe in yourself more and start ignoring your detractors. So when I find someone who blows me away like Daniel or the guy in my office, I will go out on a limb and seize the moment because well, life's too short and I have enough confidence in my own attributes and the general niceness of people. I don't care if you consider me as being excessively frivolous or bimbotic because I know I'm not, and if I don't succeed in getting to my objective, at least it's not for want of trying.

Dance update:
1. Mad Hot Ballroom is coming to town! It'll be released on 9 March. Thank you, Shaw!
2. Burn the Floor is coming too... and the cast will be giving dance clinics!
3. SEA Jam with Frankie and the Harlem Hot Shots this weekend! I should be packing for it now so I can go swing dancing later but I'm exhausted.

Clubbing update:
1. Trance galore: Markus Schulz and Marco V on 10 and 11 March respectively at Zouk.
2. Erlend Oye will be spinning a DJ set at the Mosaic festival.
3. James Lavelle is coming to Zouk next month.

Friends update:
1. One of my best friends is back for the next couple of days before returning to London.
2. Another good friend is visiting Singapore for the weekend.
3. I went out for what was intended to be a quick drink with this really cute and funny guy yesterday night, and we got on so well, it turned into a five hour date.
4. An unexpected complication has arisen in my life, but it's a pleasant one and I'm enjoying it thus far.

"When you burp men think it's cute, when you throw up, they want to hold your hair back."
- The Truth About Cats and Dogs

I have been specifically requested to write the full account of what happened in 3. as stated in an earlier entry... so here goes!

I was heading for the Zouk bathroom to throw up but failed and ended up throwing up on the stairs. A guy behind me asks, "Are you all right? Come on, I'll take you to the sinks." He took me to the sink, I take a look at him and the following ensues:
Me: Hey, you're from the 9th floor, right?
Him: No, 12th floor, my name's XXX.
Me: Oh! So you're him! I've heard of you.
Him: And yourself?
Me: Hang on. (throw up some more) I'm from the 13th floor, blah department.
Him: Your name?
Me: (puts up hand to ask him to wait and then I throw up again) ABC.

Yes. I was picked up at a company party, and while I was throwing up. Went from tak glam to f***ing hilarious just like that.

In a thread on TranceAddict's forums entitled "Dear _____" where you write letters that you wish to send (though you may not necessarily send them), TA members wrote letters to ex-lovers, parents, co-workers and the like to get things off their chest. However, some of them chose to write more amusing letters such as this gem which I really relate to:

Dear coffee,

I love you so much! Your warmth, aroma, and deliciousness make me happy to get out of bed. Additionally, your caffiene gives me the power to make it thru the morning without murdering people. But why is it, coffee, that you must burn the shit out of my mouth, day after day after day? Can't you see that I'm not going away no matter how many times you hurt me? Let's work this out.

I love you,

-YG

Now that I'm leaving my company, it seems as if the guys have taken it as license to start flirting with me rather openly. Now, I'm the first to admit that in my dealings with my male colleagues, I'm not strictly professional. There're definitely moments when some people may construe it as flirting, such as the way I tilt my head, or respond to a comment. It's not deliberate though, it's just the way I am. But I've noticed over the last few days that there's definitely been an increase in the flirt-back (i.e. the response from the males) with some of them asking me to pop by their floor to say bye even though I haven't met them face-to-face. The most extreme was the guy who said he'd leave the party and take me out somewhere else for drinks if I'm not allowed entry for the company party that's being held in the next few weeks... and that he hopes I won't be allowed in so that that can happen!

While I've posted before that I do like getting attention from men to a certain extent, this is just making me feel weird. I've worked at my company these past few years without so much as a guy making a pass at me, and now, this! In any case, it's not as if I'll take them seriously, because I've operated on a "no office romance" policy over the last few years and it'll take me a while to shake the blinkers off.

Current affairs... The O.C. way!
Yale Daily News
3 February 2006

Maybe if we pretend the characters in "The O.C" are actually countries, then we'll understand what's going on in the world.

Welcome to the I.R., bitch. This is how it's done in International Relations:

The part of Ryan Atwood would be America. The USA is new to the scene, really a touching rags-to-riches story. He's the main character, so the decisions he makes are central to the show. He quickly became a source of power, making him a polarizing figure with the other characters. He may be rich now, but he hasn't lost his street cred -- don't piss off America, because he'll fight you quicker than a drunk, hair-gelled Q-packer at Toad's to prove it.

I've been ever so busy so here's a quick recap of who/what I've seen over the past few weeks.

• Frankie Knuckles @ MoS: The sound system was deafening despite my ear plugs such that there was nowhere on the dance floor where I could dance without having my brains blasted to bits. And though the set was decent, it was definitely not the standard I expected from one of the pioneers of house music. I was pretty tired and had a long day the next day, so headed off around 3 am, only to find that the music volume outside the club was still at a painful level. What the hell were the sound installation people thinking?
  
• Rock for Good: The concert was most definitely worth the price I paid to get in... probably three times over (heh). Didn't really enjoy the first two bands up - Skyjuice and West Grand Boulevard - but that may have been due to the acoustics (RGS's sound system was most definitely not built to handle rock concerts) and the fact that I was among the oldest people there. Went to grab a coffee and returned in time to catch The Suns who rocked the house. It was skankadelic, man. Their act alone made the whole five hour concert worthwhile. I didn't enjoy Ronin one bit. They were just noisy. Going by the way they were talking to the crowd, it felt as if they were a heavy metal boyband. Electrico was pretty much what I expected them to be - nice, light, preppy alternative rock - with the possible exception of the last song which went "We're not made in the USA / But you got what you paid for anyway" which led to my friends and I trying to figure out what the heck they meant, before realising we were probably reading way too much into it and should just take it at face value.
• Satoshi Tomiie @ Zouk: Satoshi was wonderful. The music was great, the crowd was up for it, and I wish I could have stayed till the end, but I had work to do the next day. Yes, even though this is my last week on the job.
  

Brack power! (via Boing Boing)

Amidst all the drama and happenings of 2006, I'd forgotten to put down my resolutions. It's all good though, as I hadn't made any for the beginning of 2006, but have only recently come up with a couple during the Chinese New Year break. Okay, they're all interlinked to one main idea... and it'll be a tough one to do. I resolve to:

• Ignore my overly critical inner voice as best as I can.
• Be more optimistic about everything, especially people.
  
• Believe in myself more.
  

Most of the time, the songs I'm listening to will tell you a lot about the mood I'm in. One of my favourite memories about my former housemates in university is the time I was studying for my last exam paper for the year after a particularly difficult exam and was playing two songs on repeat such that one of my housemates knocked on my door to ask me if everything was all right, so familiar was she with the songs I listened to whenever I was frustrated or unhappy. Her exact words were, "I heard you listening to With or Without You and Sweet Child Of Mine five times in a row and wanted to check if you were doing okay." While the songs weren't helping me out that much (usually twice is enough to snap me out of any funk), her comment was so sweet that I couldn't help but laugh and that brought me out of that mood.

But of course, I'm staying at home now and there isn't anyone around who knows my musical tastes well enough to be able to tell you what a particular song signifies. So here I am, having listened to New Order - Regret, Frou Frou - Let Go, Guns 'n' Roses - Sweet Child of Mine and Colin Hay - Overkill over and over but there's no one around who can figure out what it means.

When there's nothing left to burn, you must set yourself on fire.
- The Stars - Set Yourself On Fire

At my RGS 10th anniversary reunion yesterday, my friend and I were talking about how I admire people who manage to respond to everything without having negative baggage weigh them down in that they've manage to retain their optimism and cheerfulness without letting all of life's experiences colour their reactions to the things that happen to them. At the same time, I told her I felt being cynical and guarded was far more true to life than being perky and cheerful all the time, and that I would much rather be that kind of person than allow someone else to take advantage of me and waste my time, that I'd much rather be a person who everyone views as tough and independent, because that's what viewed as successful. I didn't spend all my life going to some of the best schools and going through everything I've gone through to squander my potential on - quite frankly - a non-high-powered, non-high-paying career. And everyone knows nice people don't get far in a corporation.

That's not to say that I'm not a nice person. I truly care about my friends and will do my utmost to help them as far as I can. And I love trying to make them happy. But I'm not like that at work, and I've admitted, some of them has spilt over into my personal life. And I do miss the days when everyone I met came away with the impression that I was a really nice girl.. even though I really despised the word 'nice' back then. Think Clementine's outburst in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:

I just don't think "nice" is a particularly interesting thing to be.It doesn't reveal anything. Nice is pandering. Cowardly.And life is more interesting than that. Or should be. Jesus God, I hope it is... someday.

But I look at the person that I am now, look at how much I've changed since my school days, how the Rafflesian quality in me really came out during my time in university and work. My natural response - like most of my best friends - is usually sarcastic, and we show our affection for one another by mercilessly teasing each other, something which some of my newer friends had to get used to (particularly my boyfriend in university) and that I really enjoy the little exchanges that come out of it. I don't mean provocative ones as they're usually rather sardonic, intellectual and to me, ultimately funny. And if you've read all of that, it's probably highly unlikely that people's first impression of me is that of niceness.

Where am I going with this? I don't really know. It's just that I admitted to that same friend that everyone who meets T. and knows about our past relationship tells me he's a really nice guy. And for some strange reason, that comment always gets me for a number of reasons. First off, I do miss his niceness. Secondly, I feel like yelling at them: I'm nice too, I can be quite sweet even if I pretend not to be, why is it no one says that about me? And why is it that so many more people go up to him and make friends with him at Zouk in one day than I get in a year? Yes, I do have a competitive streak in me and it's not very pretty. And I know what I'm feeling is stupid and irrational and I'm really trying my best to ignore it and make it go away, but... damn it, if there've been so many other people telling me that they could never figure out why I'd date 'below my league' and am such a good catch, then where's the evidence supporting those statements? And I guess, at the end of it, while I know comments like that are meant in a good way - to tell you you're dating someone fantastic, that you have good taste - but I guess because of the particular circumstances of my situation and also because of my massive insecurity, I do hear it as, "he's such a nice person... clearly you're not good enough for him." And, no, it's not just with the most recent ex that I've felt that, but also with my JC boyfriend who I have to admit, I never quite felt good enough for given all his great qualities.

My university boyfriend remembers my first words to him were that I'd make a brilliant friend, but not a great girlfriend. I'm happy to say that I was correct on the first point, and way off base on the second. But in truth, I still do think that of myself. I'm a little too much of an RGS girl to be demure or submissive ever: I don't take crap from anyone and I don't like people wasting my time. Just yesterday, a guy told me he thought I was rather intimidating because while I'm clearly attractive, but can be very direct and refuse to take any nonsense from anyone.

I don't know. I don't know what it is men want, but I honestly don't see anything wrong or bad with the way I am. Yes, I do wish I could be some other things, but at the end of the day... I really have no wish to find myself subservient to or dependent on anyone.

This is a very rambly post, I know. I haven't had that much sleep and I'm really trying not to think too much about something that's providing me with that much-needed kick in the rear to finally get myself out of a particular rut. I'm just trying to focus on the actions I'm going to take rather than what caused them because that's just a little painful for me to deal with right now.

After James Frey's admission that his so-called memoirs were mostly fabricated, Brian Sack (Banterist) decides to come clean on his own little white lies.

Chapter Two

My friend Karl and I did not overdose on a combination of cocaine, heroin, and ecstasy. We shared a bottle of Shiraz and fell asleep watching The Suite Life with Zack and Cody.

When I said "some of my best ideas came while walking between classes at Harvard" I did not mean to suggest I attended Harvard.

I was not "abused" as a child, but my father never let me win at Monopoly.

The next time I resign from a job, I will make sure I have enough leave so that I can go immediately. Being the nice person that I am, I chose to serve out my notice and hand over to the people taking over my duties. I didn't realise how incredibly tiring it would be, not to mention that I'm trying to finish something up before going, rather than give that to someone to finish.

And a friend just reminded me that one of the hottest guys I have ever met and who used to work for my present company will be at my new company. I'm a little worried because the sight of that guy always turned me into a giggling schoolgirl. That's how hot he is. I was actually happy that I didn't work on the same floor as he did, because I knew it would be far too distracting for me. And now... we're going to meet again. Oh dear.

For all of you who've ever thought about a career change or just plain ol' wanting a change - any change - and have yet to find the courage to make that move, think about this: What Have You Got to Lose?

There's a lot to lose when you make a career change. In a brutal nutshell, a career change means you have to give up your old self for a new self that knows very little, embraces uncertainty, says OK to the loss of control and agrees to live with fear. Career changes aren't for sissies.

Yet every day, a whole lot of people somehow find enough courage, enough certainty and enough commitment to leave the old behind and walk forward into the unknown. That's what's needed - not absolute certainty or total confidence or a mountain of courage - just enough so you can (to paraphrase Joseph Campbell) get rid of the life you planned and get started on the one that's waiting for you.