Bali-bound in 8.5 hours.

After working late for the last couple of days on an urgent deal, I'm going to savour this vacation.

Except for the fact that all the colleagues for whom I've done work have all requested my mobile number and have asked "Are you on roaming?"

Oh dear.

Newsflash: My friends - the two at PvD - are going out.

Wow. I'm jealous.

Don't get me wrong. I'm really happy for them too. It's a curious juxtaposition of two opposing emotions that always seems to afflict me whenever a blessing happens to befall someone close to me. A sensation that is most likely a member of the same family that schadenfreude belongs to.

Take my brother, for instance. When he finally managed to find himself a job after months of searching, a job that was in London no less, my first reaction was, "I'm so happy for you!" This was quickly followed by a "why not me?!" The latter, mind you, wasn't spoken to my brother. It was said to my then-boyfriend, who had to convince me that I wasn't a bad person for feeling that way.

The same way that I have to tell myself that I'm not intrinsically bad for being envious of my friends. It's not that I don't want them to be together. Of course not! They seem so happy, so crazy about each other right now that I'm wondering if this could be a genuine case of Love At First Sight, something I've never believed in. And I'm a little envious that somehow, it was so easy for them to find someone so good for them, no matter how short or long a time this lasts.

And there's another factor too. How I wish I had my friend's ability to just... act on the moment. I'm not an impulsive girl, and I find it difficult to let go of the regulation-following part of my character. I would never kiss kiss a guy the first time I met him even though I wish I had at least the capacity to do so. I can be a very passionate person, and it's not as if I'm made of ice. Part of the reason is because I've kissed so few people in my life - heck, just one - that I'm really afraid that if I were to give in to my instincts, my desires, that they'll run, judging me on the basis of that one most-likely-bad kiss. But that's really only a tiny part of the reason. I just can't kiss another guy. Not like that. I freeze up. I wish I wasn't so... I don't know. Repressed? Stiff? Frozen?

Whatever the cause, I do know that there was a guy who was capable of unleashing that side of me. But that was another time, another country. In this prudish country of mine, I find it hard to do anything without being judged, and the longer I stay here, the more... repressed I become. I'm sorry, sweetie, but it's hard to resist... and there's no one here to help me fight.

The inaugural Chinese New Year sangria party made its return last night. After last year's success, people who weren't in Singapore were clamouring for me to hold another one so that they could see what they missed. Who was I to deny them?

There were about a dozen guests expected. With such a challenge, my parents were in their element. My mum, whipping up the tapas, and my dad, concocting an augmented version of sangria, adapted from this recipe (courtesy of Paella Pans), involving two cups of rum as opposed to two tablespoons' worth, and a lot more red wine than the recipe called for.

It was a good party. In spite of the pouring rain which lasted the whole entire day, people still turned up, and we almost finished all of the appetizers. Those of you who know just how much my mum makes - enough to feed all of us for dinner instead of the snack-size portions that I had asked her to make - would be impressed by our valiant efforts.

We also managed to finish all but half a pitcher's worth of the pièce de résistance - the sangria - equally impressive, if you had seen the large pot we started out with. And let me tell you, the sangria was strong. Two glasses of it and I was almost gone for the night, not least because my resistance to wine isn't as good as my resistance to normal hard liquor.

The night started out with my screening Kissing Jessica Stein, otherwise referred to by everyone else as the "lesbian show", thereby whetting many a hot-blooded male's appetite for lust. Once the volume problem was overcome (by putting on the subtitles, providing many a hilarious moment because of text such as lyrics to songs, and "sound of dialling" and "both chuckle"), the show was generally well-received by people who had managed to follow it from beginning to end.

There were other highlights like when we found out two of our guys had been learning to salsa, and we asked them to demonstrate, with one going, "I don't mind as long as I do the guy part." A friend familiar with my love of dance asked me to demonstrate with that guy but I, fresh from the movie, said, "No, if you guys like girl-on-girl action, then I have every right to insist that you two do it - guy-on-guy." (Yes, very like American Pie 2, but you have to understand we were all a bit high by then.)

One of my friends present, who works with one of the local papers which also operates a TV station, turned out to be appearing on the news that night, reporting on a local event. The movie ended just as the news was scheduled to begin, so I hurriedly turned the DVD off, and scrambled to find the correct channel, telling that same friend that he should be honoured that he's responsible for one of the few times that Mandarin was to be permitted in my house. So there we were, all of us from the same university, from the same year, all watching him report and later on applauding him for a job well done. It was a nice moment.

And what CNY party would be complete without any gambling? The guys settled down for a round of Blackjack (or ban-lat in Hokkien), with a particularly dramatic friend exclaiming in despair, "Alamak! Ban-lat's brother" (the ace without the picture card) or "Ban-lat's sister" (the picture card without the ace) before admitting that he was making everything up. As I was dealing for five rounds in which my friend end up making a lot of money, that same friend offered me some tips. Heh. I refused, of course.

It was great seeing all my uni friends again. It's amazing how I never really hung out with them in uni on account of the different courses I was taking, but I'm really glad that we've all become closer since our return.

I've loved The Calling's Wherever You Will Go ever since I first heard on UK Radio in 2002. It took me a while to find out what the song was as I had assumed the first line of the chorus was the title, not the second, so I couldn't find the MP3 to download or even the lyrics on the Internet as I didn't have the band name. But ever since I finally managed to find it, it has yet to fall out of my weekly MP3 must-play list. The band in itself isn't spectacular, but I do so dearly love this song.

The song is about losing your love, and wanting to be with them. I haven't paid that much attention to the lyrics, and acknowledge that this just could be one of those typical rock boy band kind of songs, but I love how Alex Bands, the lead singer, starts off the song. You can hear the strain of emotion behind the words and when he launches into the chorus, you can feel the passion that resonates in his voice.

This song was used in Love Actually (when Colin was in the Wisconsin bar) and is featured in one of the versions of the soundtrack.

Much as I hate to admit it, I identify with this song quite a bit. Not that there's someone out there who I've lost and long to be with, but in that I just wish there were someone out there wanting to be with me. It's the same way I identify with Savage Garden's Crash and Burn. In fact, both songs make me cry because while I appreciate the sentiment and message behind these two songs, I just so dearly wish that there was someone out there who'd dedicate these songs to me, that there'll be someone out there to care for me so passionately.

And quite frankly, after watching my friends connect so well and so easily at Paul van Dyk's set, I'm beginning to wonder whether I really am as desirable as I think am. Don't get me wrong, I don't think that guys should be drawn to me like flies to honey, just that no one's tried. At least, no one remotely good enough has tried. Considering the ease with which the two of them just gelled - even if it's just a fling - I just feel so very lonely and unwanted.

Am I really that bad?

Soundtrack of the Day:
Wherever You Will Go
by The Calling

So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go

All right, here's my lengthy review of the PvD gig yesterday. For those of you who are wondering just how hip and happening Singapore could possibly be, you can check out these photos, taken by my German friend who is, sadly, going back to Germany this coming Tuesday. Though I've only known him since December 2003, I'll certainly miss his presence in the Singapore clubbing scene. He's got a refreshingly un-German and, naturally, un-Singaporean outlook on life, and also surprised me the first time we met by the nature of our conversation. If I recall correctly, we were talking about girls, guys, homosexuality, dirty deeds and the like. It's not something I usually talk about on a first meeting, I'll just have you know. I don't know if I'll get to see him again before he leaves, but I certainly do hope I'll get to see him again, regardless of where either of us are! All the best to you, dude! As I told you last night (after some encouragement from your side, no doubt) - you'll always have my love and everyone will always be second compared to you! Ha ha!

Anyway, PvD. Great stuff. My friend, who was covering the event for a local web site, gave me the second of her free tickets. Merci beaucoup, cherie. I was originally only going to decide later in the evening if I would go because I was still feeling bad from the effects of the cold on the day itself.

So. Can you beat that? Going to see Paul van Dyk without having to cough up a single cent? I'm probably the kind of clubber Centro was trying to avoid enjoying this event that night because my friend and I weren't going to drink any alcohol - her, because she just doesn't and I, because I wanted to keep my options open in the event I needed to take medicine. We didn't even want to drink water after taking a look at the ji-normously long toilet queues. So, even though we thought we needed to use the ladies just after we came in, we decided to dance the urge away. And guess what? It worked! Heh.

We managed to enter the Powerhouse around 12.15 am. Yukun (Singapore's No. 1 Trance DJ, for those in the know) was still on the decks then, and by all accounts, I heard that he had a really banging set so props to you, dude! As PvD came on 15 minutes after we came in, I didn't get much of a chance to listen to YK, so oh well. The people doing the lights and graphics did a pretty nice job once the great man himself was set to come on. I especially liked the screen which proclaimed "PVD - 5 mins more!"

I didn't really notice when PvD came on, which is a credit to YK's track-dropping and mixing right there and then. But when PvD started dropping the tunes, then whoa, mama! If I recall correctly, he started off a bit slowly before really churning it up with big tunes and big, hard, banging beats. As I said yesterday, the acoustics weren't great, although to be fair, in a place with such a high roof, there was no real way for the acoustics to be as good as they would have been in a normal club area, because of the incredible amount of reverberation. As a result, we only really heard the bass, and couldn't hear much of the melody. One of the earlier tunes that he dropped was PvD vs. Second Son - Crush off his Reflections album. It's an amazing tune that starts off rather lightly, before kicking in with a crushing female vocal going, "I know you want me", and then, the thumping beat starts before slowing down, and then building up ago with an incredibly atmospheric fade-in. The tension builds up to such a height and just when you think you can't take it anymore, "I know you want me" kicks in once again, unleashing all the energy that's been building up through that one song alone.

He also played a new tune which people have spotted but haven't quite been able to identify. Our guess is that it's his new production and that hopefully, we'll find out the title real soon. It's a really nice track and I'm a little astonished that I recognised it that night given that I had only heard it once, and that was for two minutes or so. But then again, my friends have commented on my track recognition skills, which I do admit can be pretty damn good at times.

Oh yes, Modulation's Spirits (Slusnik Luna remix) made an appearance too. It's a tune which is nice and light in some areas, before the banging weng-weng-weng-weng sound kicks in as it makes its transition towards hard and thumping once again. The track reminds me of the sea in a way, but a sea that's moving at a faster speed than the normal relaxing waves you hear. This tune is relaxing for the most part and I can imagine myself moving in sync with someone else, just melding into him when this tune comes on.

Other tunes that were played during that period included For An Angel (YES!!!), Agnelli & Nelson's Holding On To Nothing (which I sang along to). It was very danceable, so no complaints from me there. There was a time when he just started dropping big tunes, which was unusual for him, but which we thoroughly enjoyed. In a period of ten minutes, Nothing But You (an awesome song which still remains one of my favourites ever since he played it in December 2002. I mean, great beats, soaring vocals, excellent remixing - pure Van Dyk!), Wolfsheim's Wondervoll (a new tune which caught my attention) and As The Rush Comes (overplayed, and quite frankly, I would have thought he had moved on from this track by now, but still - such an incredibly fun track to dance and sing to whenever it's on. Great vocals with almost pleading female vocals exhorting you to "Embrace me, surround me / As the rush comes" and a mind-blowing breakdown.). A guy friend of mine tried to dance with me during the last track but sorry, dude. Nothing comes between me and the music. Not when it's this fantastic.

Back to Wondervoll. Why did this track catch my attention? Well, besides the fact that it's a good tune overall, it had male vocals, something which contrasted beautifully with the haunting female vocals of Nothing But You. Wondervoll was also mostly in German, so that was another differentiating factor from a normal trance tune these days (hey, it's almost impossible to hear the female lyrics in Nothing But You as Jan Johnston's voice is so high-pitched). Good tune which kept the high energy level up.

There was another track played which was just wicked. We both recognised it but I couldn't identify it despite having heard it before. The lyrics went "Can't fight it / Can't hide it" and then "You're addicted to drugs". (On Jan 24th - I finally found out the name of the tune! It's Oscar G's Dark Beat, a really dirty tribal track with dark percussions. Simply brilliant. And yes, the lyric is really "I'm addicted to drums" not drugs, but then, we were at a rave after all...)

My friend and I were just going crazy during that first hour and a half, to the point that people around us were asking us to slow down lest we tire too early. Dudes, there's only one thing I can say: I never ever tire too early when it comes to clubbing. Even when I'm sick, I'm one of the most energetic dancers around.

At around 2 am, I made my way to the front to meet my German friend, who knows PvD personally (!!!) and helped me get my CD inlay signed by God (as dubbed by Mixmag) himself. During this period, my girlfriend and my guy friend decided to vanish to "go outside for a bit" as they so quaintly put it. I felt a little relieved as I was just getting a bit uncomfortable with the intensity of what was going on right next to me, and determinedly ignoring it wasn't quite working. In any case, I waited close to 45 minutes for my inlay to be returned to me, but man oh man, was it worth it! I'm not an autograph groupie usually (if I can get it, fine, if not, I'll live without it) but PvD is one of my favourite producers and DJs ever.

So, during that 45 minutes, I heard Time Of Our Lives (again off his latest album. A rather chilled, poppy piece, considering it's Van Dyk's work, but wicked chorus - "Oh this is the time / Of our lives." It would make a good soundtrack to an upbeat carpe diem kind of day, you know what I mean?) and a remix of New Order's Blue Monday. At first, I couldn't work out what the latter track was but just knew it sounded so familiar, and when "how does it feel / to treat me like you do" came on, I knew it instantly. I had been wondering about what work PvD had done with New Order, and yesterday's set (or more accurately, today's set) answered that question.

After getting my inlay back, I didn't want to linger around the corner anymore waiting for my two delinquent friends to return, especially since I was all alone (my German friend and his pretty girlfriend had left to go elsewhere) and there were weirder and weirder people popping up near me. I decided to brave the crowds and go towards the middle to look for my friends, managing to find some, but not the person I was looking for. In the end, I stayed near the founders of Trance Republic, all nice, humble, great people, and was dancing the night away. I can't remember what tunes he dropped at this point, but I had decided to dance like mad and not worry about my friends (my friend's phone was in my possession so she couldn't contact me. In my defence, I did go out to look for them and walked around the lounge areas and was keeping an eye out for them throughout so I did the best I could, given the circumstances. Oh yes, that reminds me. Rank 1's Breathing came on while I was looking for my friends. Uplifting, euphoric tune with sexy, enticing vocals.). My TR friend gave me a glowstick, which was nice of him, and it was blue, my favourite colour, so double yay!

He re-played Time Of Our Lives and towards the end of his set, played Felix Da Housecat's Silver Screen (Shower Scene), something I hadn't heard since London. A good strong electroclash tune, but quite unusual coming from the Trancemeister. I moshed like mad during that piece nevertheless. I am a purist, but not so much that I'll let my prejudices get in the way of enjoying a good song. But then again, PvD had been playing a mixture of trance and electro-house for the whole night (as demonstrated by the dropping of Blue Monday).

Some people felt that his set had dropped in quality after a smashing first half, and then when it had dropped, it dropped majorly, and I'm inclined to agree with them, but still, I had a brilliant time. I met a lot of people there, got lots of hugs (as clubbers tend to be very high, alcohol-assisted or no), and danced a lot of calories off (much-needed after all the CNY binging).

The encore started off not too bad. He played For An Angel and for some strange reason which I have been unable to account for, I really did think he was going to play Underworld's Born Slippy (PvD remix), which would have been incredible to hear and an awesome way to end off the night. However, as I mentioned earlier, the encore ended rather abruptly, right in the middle of For An Angel. I've been informed that it's because the police put an end to the night, having already passed 4 am, which was the latest time Centro had been granted permission for. What a pity to just pull the plug on the man like that! It seemed like they were vacillating for a while, switching the lights on, then off, then on again, before switching the turntables off. Sigh. Though I like abrupt endings myself, the middle of that classic track where it was clearly not at the end of a build-up or a breakdown was just a little strange.

All in all, my verdict was that - this night was fantastic. I may have enjoyed myself more at the Zouk gig, but it remains to be said that this will still rank among my top DJ sets since my return to Singapore. If I had to give it a score, it'd be 8.0/10.

Update on the Year of the Monkey so far:

Red packets: Net gain (although really, it's the gesture and the token that counts.)

Paul van Dyk at the Powerhouse: Great set, though could have been better (especially if the police hadn't stopped his encore, assuming the rumours are true. I mean, c'mon? Right in the middle of For An Angel?? I had more fun at his set at Zouk in 2002.)

The flyer was great with the graphic taken right off PvD's Reflections album. The acoustics needed some work. The light show was freakin' fantastic. The atmosphere not too bad overall. The workout: intensive. My feet are sore.

I got his autograph on my CD inlay of The Politics of Dancing though. My friend got lucky - with another friend of mine. Not sure who was happier - her or I regarding our respective highlights of the set. Heh.

Yeah, baby. Let's all worship 'Nique.

Wonder of wonders - good blogs originating from my little island do exist.

Check out Adri's the almost daily grind and Richard's Peking Duck for your edification.

There's another blog sort of close to home as well - from Hong Kong, presenting... the Gweilo Diaries. I just like the name.

How on earth did I ever miss this piece of news? Singaporeans urged to act like monkeys.

If the government is going to tell us to act like the animal of that current year every single year, next year will be a little tough - the Year of the Rooster. What are we supposed to do? Be the first up every morning? I mean, it's all well and good, dude, but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese, you know what I'm saying?

I'm currently listening to Aldrin's Essential Mix over at BBC Radio 1. I've seen a few good reviews of his mix last Sunday, the 18th, and I'm thrilled. I'm not the biggest fan of his music, quite frankly, but to me, he does represent Singapore, and its dance scene, so to hear people say good things about his tribal, tech house style warms my heart.

It's a shame that the mix will only be up for a week before it has to make way for the next one.

Anyway - soundtrack of the day:

Will You Love Me Tomorrow
- Carole King

Tonight you're mine, completely
You give your soul so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment's pleasure
Can I believe the magic in your sights
And will you love me tomorrow

Tonight with words unspoken
You say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun

I'd like to know if your love
Is a love I can be sure of
So tell me now and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow
Will you still love me tomorrow
Will you still love me tomorrow

Words Etc.

I learnt a new word today - Floccinaucinihilipilification.

It means "the action or habit of judging something to be worthless", and I quote, "its main function is to be trotted out as an example of a long word." (from quinion.com)

Other strange yet fascinating words that I've encountered or used lately would include desuetude (a state of disuse or inactivity), discombobulate (to cause to be confused), confabulate (to discuss) and rebarbative (tending to irritate).

On a more useful front, I've also finally found out the meaning of serendipity (to make a fortunate discovery of something that you were not looking for) and preternatural (beyond the normal course of nature; supernatural).

Everytime I see you online, I wonder if I should send you a little message, just to say hi. But then, you never reply. And now, when I see you, I just stop myself from writing, and stare at your online icon, just willing for something to appear from you.

But then again, why should you do that? You're a guy after all, and guys are notoriously dense. Furthermore, we're just friends.

If this is so, why do I feel like begging you to just notice that I'm online - or that if you already have, then to just say a simple hello?

I feel like a woman obsessed. And it's not a good feeling. I'm not in control... and I don't like that.

Sigh. Methinks I've been alone for far too long.

Soundtrack of the day:

Summerbreeze
- Emiliana Torrini (from Love in the Time of Science)

It might have been a while
Since you’ve been loved
Like you should be loved

It might have been a while
Since you’ve been kissed
Like you should be kissed

In tender loving arms
Might be something you miss

Well summerbreeze is blowing through your window
And summerbreeze is blowing through your hair
And something in your eyes that you cannot disguise
Don’t tell me it ain’t there

It might have been a while
Since you’ve been loved
By one who really loves you

It might have been a while
Since you could trust
That someone really cares

When people like us
Meant to go ’round in pairs

Summerbreeze is blowing through your window
And summerbreeze is blowing through your hair
Something in your eyes that took me by surprise
Don’t tell me that it ain’t there

Come Thursday, January 22nd, and it'll be the start of a brand new year - the Chinese New Year, that is! And this one's a special one for me - it'll be the Year of the Monkey - my year, something that occurs every twelve years, so this'll be my second one, and the only one worthy of note thus far.

I've been told by more than a few people that this year will not be a good year for Monkeys. Being Catholic, and therefore not permitted to believe in things such as astrology (Chinese or otherwise), I naturally scoff at such warnings. Besides, seeing as there're six billion people in this world, that would mean at least 500 million other people will have a bad year too. So there.

So, what does being a Monkey mean? According to various sources, Monkeys are intelligent, ingenious, sociable and charming. In fact, they're tricksters. And they're so full of charisma that even after you've been tricked, you can't help but like them anyway. They have excellent memories (which I do have) and they're also a little lazy, and dislike hard work (correct so far). Fortunately, Monkeys are also lucky and will have success in anything they do.

Okay, now that's just pushing it.

In love, they're very sexual and seductive. Monkeys prefer the thrill of the chase, but once they've obtained their object of pursuit, they lose interest easily and move on to the next target. Basically, they're not one for commitment.

This sounds exactly like me. Maybe not really the first statement (darn!) but the rest of it does describe how I've been feeling I broke up with the ex. And I'm not trying to make some obscure, deliberately vague description fit me. If you've been reading this blog, you can tell that I've been having a slight problem with commitment in that I have no wish to commit to a relationship to anyone right now, despite still wanting a boyfriend.

Although I do have an issue with the signs which I'm supposed to be most compatible with - the Rat and the Dragon. This implies that I'm supposed to be compatible with someone who's either four or eight years younger/older than I am. I mean, at my age, those differences are more than a little substantial. And in any case, I know too few people born in these years to be able to tell. Interestingly enough, all of my ex-boyfriends, plus the people who I've been interested in, have almost always been Goats.

In any case, if you're interested in finding out more, you can check this site out.

Oh yes. I watched School of Rock yesterday. You wouldn't think that it would be a good movie from its sypnosis, but it was brilliant. I laughed my head off and even found myself applauding at the end of the movie. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Plot: Dewey Finn (Jack Black) is fired from his band a month before the Battle of the Bands competition. About to be evicted from his best friend's apartment for not paying the rent for many many months, he impersonates his room-mate, Ned Schneebly (interestingly enough, played by Mike White), and takes up a substitute teaching job at the top preparatory school in the state in order to get some cash. He discovers that his class of ten-year-olds has incredible musical potential, and begins to groom them into a rock band in order to challenge his old band in the Battle of the Bands competition.

Like I said, it sounds like a stupid, completely unbelievable plot. And it is. But once you allow yourself to become immersed into the movie, and believe that Dewey can get away with teaching the students subjects like History of Rock, Rock Appreciation, etc. without their parents noticing, the movie is incredibly fun.

Jack Black is wonderful as Dewey Finn. His facial expressions and rock-star-like antics are amazingly hilarious. There's a scene where he lines up all the kids, giving them their roles in the band, but as he doesn't know their names, he gives them nicknames. "And on the bass guitar, Posh Spice!" "Turkey Sub on security!" And of course, the scene when he tells the organiser of the Battle of the Bands competition that the kids are all dying of a rare blood disease: stick-it-to-the-mon-ded-itis. One of my favourite scenes was when he tells Zack how a rock guitarist needs to act on stage ("Now raise your goblet of rock. It's a toast to those who rock! Now nod your head and open your eyes wide as if there's something wrong with you!").

The kids are good as well. Joey Gaydos Jr. as Zack, the incredibly talented brooding lead guitarist, Kevin Clark as the rebellious drummer, Freddy and Miranda Cosgrove as the obnoxious, competitive Summer play their roles well. And at the risk of sounding like a pedophile, I thought Zack and Freddy were both cool and hot at the same time. Yes, I do know that both of them are like, 14? Oh well. They're going to break a lot of hearts by the time they hit my age.

There're nice tender moments too, like when Dewey gets through to Zack after seeing the latter being berated by his father for listening to rock music, and when Dewey finds out that Tomika (Maryam Hassan) has a great singing ability, but is really shy about it because she's fat.

To cut a long story short, go see the movie. It has a predictably happy ending, but you don't care because the journey is a tremendously fun ride to be on!

Funny quotes:
Dewey Finn (right before they go onstage for the Battle of the Bands): God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray, Amen.

Ned Schneebly: Maybe you should sell one of your guitars.
Dewey: Sell my guitars? Would you tell Piccasso to sell his guitars?

I am happy to report that I am no longer sick of trance. On the contrary, I can't wait to get more of it! It's always at the most stressful times in my life that I begin to really need trance. When life is all hunky-dory, I don't want to listen to it as much. Ordinarily, I would scoff but there does seem to be more than a slight correlation thus far.

Last night at Liquid Room was great fun. We were all there for a friend's farewell. I'd only met him formally about a month ago, but we had been corresponding since August, since he's from Germany and I went there for my annual vacation last year. In any case, his contract in sunny ol' Singapore is up, and he's returning to Germany. It'll be a shame to see him go, especially since I'd only just gotten to know him. To top things off, he knows some of the German DJs, such as Paul van Dyk (!!!) and there's a part of me that would like, gush over the enormity over knowing someone like PvD, and like, totally prostitute herself just for that one chance to meet him and touch him, but fortunately, that isn't me. Heh. Anyway, my friend really likes South-East Asia - the countries and the people (especially the babes) - and it would be nice if he could stay here longer, if not for good. But alas, that's not quite possible. And it's sadder still, because he just got back together with his local girlfriend. The course of true love never did run smooth. Any wonders why I'm so cynical about affairs of the heart?

To continue about last night - it was nice. DJ Adrian played a lot of trance classics, and some nice hard ones too, which my friends didn't quite enjoy, but I did, just jumping up and there and screaming my lungs out. I also indulged in vodka, red bull and beer, thereby ensuring that while I didn't get sloshed, I wasn't quite in complete control of my faculities. This was amply demonstrated by the following:
- unbuttoning my friend's shirt - just for the hell of it, and also to demonstrate just how damn easy it was to do.
- phreakin' with friend in previous post as well as with friend who we were there to say farewell to, and his girlfriend
- letting the above get captured on digital camera

So while that was version 3.0 that most people saw last night, it was a slightly different v3.0 - a v3.0 who didn't care about the people she was dancing with. Previously, when v3.0 was unleashed, I did get a little turned on by the people I was dancing with, but not this time. I guess I consciously just turned everything off before I headed into the club, because I was fully intent on having a hell load of fun, as well as fulfilling my so-called resolution - to break as many hearts as possible this year.

With regards to that last statement, it would seem that I'm well on my way to breaking my first heart of the year - my own! Just refer to the previous posts, and I'm sure you'll know what I'm talking about. I've managed to come to the conclusion that he did like me but that neither of us gave out strong enough signals. I kind of stopped on the day of his farewell whereas his strongest signals were given out on that last day but were muddied by the fact that there were other girls there who he seemed to treat the same way. Anyway, forget it. If I still feel like this in a month's time, then I'll take action.

Right now, I'm listening to a fantastic online trance broadcast - and it's Gabriel & Dresden's turn! Check it out over at Trance Airwaves.

Over on the Trance Republic forum, Centro has kindly offered us free entry for the upcoming Space 2020 event: Yukun vs. Matt Darey (for which I won't be in the country for if everything goes according to plan). While members of the forum generally reacted with gratitude, there have been quite a few who said, "Thanks but... could-you-give-us-one-for-one-drinks-all-night/free-entry-every-Wednesday/etc.?" What the heck?

I mean, Centro's already offering free entry - and even if you had to pay, it's not as if you don't get anything along with the cover charge. You still get a drink coupon or two, which are exchangeable for perfectly serviceable drinks.

Over in London, all clubs charge cover, and they don't give you drinks. In fact, I usually paid 15 pounds to go clubbing on a Friday night over at Fabric or Heaven. Drinks would be in the region of 4 to 5 pounds, and even though it was terribly expensive, I still didn't mind that much - because the atmosphere was really good. Not to mention the people. Clubbers in London are awesome. They're not poseurs. They're genuinely there to have fun - with or without the aid of chemical enhancements.

In addition, after watching 24 Hour Party People, where clubs - nice, good large ones - went bankrupt because people were just taking drugs and not buying drinks. Clubs couldn't sell drugs so obviously they weren't getting any income, so sooner or later, without any revenue streams, clubs have to shut down.

I'm not saying we can't all have our own wishes - obviously the less you pay for a good night out, the better it is for you - but still... spare a thought for the club. Once it closes, you'll be sorry. Be thankful for what you've got and don't be so greedy! Don't be so... Singaporean.

I received a surprise SMS today from him. Needless to say, it made me very happy.

And now, I realise what people mean when they say harbouring strong feelings of affection for someone holds them back from being as good a friend as they could be. When you hear something like that, it's a little difficult to believe that liking someone impairs your friendship. I mean, if you like someone, you'd be willing to do a lot more for them, right?

But that's not the case. I find myself restraining the way I say things, or even being more offensive in my banter than I usually am, all in an effort to prevent my true feelings from showing. I worry about whether they'll get the wrong impression from the things I say, the words I use, and I begin to examine whatever I do, eventually electing not to do anything at all, just so there's nothing that he can misinterpret.

And the same thing happens when he says or does something. I examine it from every possible angle. I wonder: does he mean anything more by this? Everything takes on hidden meanings, and my reaction can verge from completely disregarding anything more that could be read into the situation (and hence, possibly missing any signals that he's trying to give me) all the way to obsessing over everything that it could mean, and just being quietly tormented by it all.

It's silly, I know, but that's what happens when you like a friend, and you're worried that they don't reciprocate. And in this case, it's even worse because even if they did, there'd still be no hope, it'd still be an impossible relationship.

I guess it'd be better not to find out how he feels at all, seeing as it can only lead to frustration. Still, wouldn't it be nice to just know and then file it away, because I know I'll get over this and that there'll be other people around to be infatuated with?

But, like the whiny immature 23-year-old that I am, I'm so not concerned with the future. It's now that I have to deal with. And right now, I'm a little torn between being a friend and... not. Trying to decided between being as "normal" as I possibly can or... just basically trying my best not to talk to him so that I'll get over him faster. I keep trying to tell myself that a friend is for the long-term, so that's the better path to take. But how on earth do you deal if you don't ever want to mess up a friendship? If you don't want to take the chance that there just may be something there?

F***! It's only been two weeks. Two bloody weeks. Why? WHY?

On that note, I've recently discovered that one of my favourite web sites, Breakup Girl, which closed in 2000 or so has resurfaced. Check it out for sensible yet hilarious advice for the lovelorn. If only they had something tailor-made for my predicament.

I got this off a friend of mine - naming your favourite musicians (of the moment) from A to Z. This is going to be decidedly difficult, especially given my current state of braindead-ness after having worked late three nights in a row.

A: Louis Armstrong
B: Beach Boys
C: Coldplay
D: Dido
E: Eurythmics
F: Fatboy Slim
G: Goo Goo Dolls
H: Lauryn Hill
I: Enrique Iglesias
J: Norah Jones
K: KLF
L: Linkin Park
M: Sarah McLachlan
N: New Order
O: Sinead O'Conner
P: Prodigy
Q: Queen
R: Radiohead
S: Santana
T: TLC
U: U2
V: Paul van Dyk
W: The Wonders (Hey, I love That Thing You Do! - and I'm desperate)
X: ???
Y: Weird Al Yankovic
Z: Zazie

Ouch. This was tough. Having to strain my brain for names of musicians that even began with K, W, Y and Z... and even worse, having to choose between Sarah McLachlan and Massive Attack for M, Thievery Corporation and TLC for T. Those were difficult choices to make.

Sigh. Working late is decidedly not at all my cup of tea. Working late under loads of pressure - even more so not my thing. But I've got a report due tomorrow. And I'm incredibly stressed out about it. It's not going to be among my best pieces of work, or even among my good. I just hope it turns out okay and that there are no major errors. I'm in no shape right now to even spot minor ones.

Working late in itself isn't so bad if it doesn't occur that often and/or you've got friends to talk to, either working beside you, or those who can make you laugh once you get home from work.

Unfortunately for me, while I do have the former, the latter has left. And I find myself checking my e-mail ever so often, just hoping against hope for a little e-mail from him, while spending the remainder of the time trying to rationalise away my feelings. "He was only here for two weeks after all. How can I possibly feel this way?" I tell myself. "I just miss having someone around to laugh with, that's it. It's not him I miss specifically. Just the presence of someone."

Bollocks.

According to Emode, my signature colour is Sterling Blue.

"You've got a good head on your shoulders and you're not afraid to use it. Serious, intellectual types like you meet their match with a cool color that sparkles with the same striking intelligence as you do. That's why Sterling Blue is the ideal match for you! This is not to say that you've always got your head in a book. Not by any stretch. While you may not be the person at the party kicking off the karaoke, you're probably the one starting up stimulating conversations and making your cohorts chuckle with your quick wit. You're likely to have an insatiable curiosity that's catchy, and friends who know that you are a great person to turn to when they need a logical head to help them sort through their problems. So keep it up with your sterling hue of blue. You probably have a way of keeping things deep that people truly appreciate!"

No wonder it's my favourite colour!

And in keeping with my love of all things complex and complicated, here's another little online quiz I took today:

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Moderate
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Apparently, I'm not as bad as I thought I was. Yee-ha!

Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Unfortunately, despite being in the so-called enlightened age, females still aren't on a level playing field when it comes to the workforce. In the Guardian's article, It's a tough call: should you have to make it?, it highlights some of the issues that females face when starting out, most notably the fact that females tend to choose lower-paying, more flexible jobs than males do due to the fact that they realise that once they have a family, they're going to have to cut down on work.

That's something which I obviously didn't think about that much when choosing my job. However, my friends and I are now thinking about what happens if we want to start a family. It may be a long time from now but still, it's important to have everything planned out so that we know what we want to do and how we're going to go about doing it. I mean, I do have a desire to be featured in Fortune's Most Powerful Women in Business someday and having a family would definitely derail that particular dream. In fact, I'm almost content with not being involved with anyone right now, seeing as it's difficult enough trying to balance a social life, work and a gym regime. Add another thing to that equation, and it'll be impossible. If I made it a point to see a different friend every week - just one friend - do you know how many weeks that would take me just to catch up with all the people I haven't seen?

I mean, there're so many things I want to do before I turn 30. I want to get a Masters. I want to fully master another language. I want to travel. I want to have reached a respectable rank in my organisation. I want to have worked overseas. I want to keep on learning dancing. I want to have learnt roller-blading and ice-skating, and be participating regularly in sports (not just the gym). I want to have acquired my driving license before I turn 25 (in fact, I think I'll try for it this year).

If you look at all of this, where do you think I'll find the time to have a relationship with someone who I'll eventually settle down with? It's not that I desperately want to get married at this stage in my life. Just that looking ahead at my life, I'm not sure what path to take. I've always been of the opinion that nothing should take precedence over my career, the same way I would never have allowed love to take precedence over my education. It hasn't always worked out that way. I am inherently a social creature after all. But still, I am very practical and very goal-oriented. With the talents and skills that I have been blessed with, I think it would be a mortal sin not to make as much out of myself as I can.

To be continued later. Need to run now.

And with that, he's gone. I miss him already. I feel sad that he'll no longer be around for me to just SMS, or to speak to over the telephone (even if he's not a phone guy) or even just call and say, "hey, you want to get supper?" at 11.30 pm. For someone who I've only gotten to know over such a brief period of time, it's amazing at the hole in my life his departure has created.

I did get to speak to him earlier today, for about two minutes. It was the usual good bye spiel. You know what I mean. The "keep in touch and take care" kind of speech that you make to all of your friends. He did like the photos though, so at least that wasn't like a completely spastic gift. And he thought they were well-taken too, so props to me!

In case you haven't realised, although I do know that I have a reasonable writing ability, as well as some photographic talent, but I do feel terribly insecure and embarrassed about notes, letters and other things which I give to people. It's mostly because I'm not completely comfortable with revealing my emotions, and in all of these things, you can see just how I feel about someone or something. With the words I use, or the way I've structured certain paragraphs, or even the kind of gift I've given you, the oft-hidden side of me can be clearly seen, as long as you know what to look out for.

Back to what's bothering me now - in a two-minute-long conversation, there's hardly any time to even begin to tell someone that you think he's a great guy, and that you wish he could have stayed longer because you think something further might have developed between the two of you, but that you don't know for certain as there hasn't been enough time for you to tell. Hell, there isn't even enough time in that two minutes for me to have typed that out! So, the question remains: should I tell him? Or should I choose, as with other times, to keep it hidden inside of me and just hope to forget about it over time?

I'm not the kind of person who likes to reveal these sort of things over e-mail, hence, I'm leaning towards just not telling him. Also, I'm a little afraid that he'll tell me that he was never interested or attracted. But then again, I would like him to know, not because I want to hear something similar in return, but because in telling him, I'm also letting him know that our relationship is an honest one, and that I trust he'll be able to receive statements like that from me without changing his attitude towards me.

Still, I would like to be able to find out how he feels without us both being exposed. I really don't know whether I should even try - not for a relationship, as I don't do long-distance relationships, but just to find out whether he felt the same way - that we could have had potential.

That annoying issue aside, I do miss him - as a friend. The rest... is just a bonus, I guess.

*Little anecdote which I couldn't resist recounting:
Me: I'm finally succumbing to the flu.
Him: Really? I'm not feeling too good myself now.
My initial reaction (which didn't get said because my friend was around): Hey! I didn't do anything with you no matter how much alcohol you drank!

Heh.

One of my most hated words in the English language is "good bye". Unlike my feelings on "nice" and "interesting", I do not hate this particular word for being clichéd or overused. In fact, it can't help but be overused, given that it is a word we use in everyday conversation.

No, my main gripe with it is the amount of emotion that can weigh it down when it's used. Usually, it's fine. We say "bye" all the time, and don't think twice about it. But on other occasions, such as this morning, it comes with sadness, and uncertainty attached.

Yes, this morning, I bade farewell to a friend - someone who I've gotten to know better over the past two weeks after we had been e-mailing back and forth for the past four months before that. He's leaving to go back to the US to finish up his final year in university, and then going off to look for a job over there. He's been a good guy to hang around with while my parents were away, especially given that his home is located so close to mine - and has been for the last ten years or so. In fact, I haven't yet grown tired of talking to him even though we've been talking pretty much everyday. It does feel a little like we're catching up on all those years we should have known each other. As he put it, if he had been in London for studies, we'd probably have been pretty close.

At this point, I feel compelled to point out that as he studies engineering, the chances of our paths crossing would have been pretty slim. Also, I wasn't always the person that I am now, so there's always the chance - as it might have been with my ex - that we would have met earlier in our lives, but never gotten along as well as we do now.

But in any case, his flight leaves tonight, and I don't know when he'll return. No doubt we will e-mail, as we have before his return, and even after that despite meeting him almost everyday, but it just won't be the same. And as his flight leaves, I guess I should commence moving him off to the "Friend Zone". If you're wondering what in the hell that means, quite simply it means that I acknowledge that this guy could have been someone I would have been interested in. In other words, he's a "might-have-been". I can't say for certain. It's just that despite the fact that he doesn't fit into my usual target market, I do very much enjoy his company and just trading insults with him. At this stage however, it's simply too early to tell what could have been.

Have I told him that last part? Are you crazy? Of course not. I don't handle rejection well, nor would there have been much point in telling him when he's leaving and doesn't know when he'll return. I did contemplate doing the Love Actually thing whereby I "confess" without hope or agenda of receiving anything in return, but again, therein lies another problem: not letting such an admission (despite the fact that it's not even a definite "I like you" admission) affect the current status of the relationship in question. Given that it'll largely be an e-mail thing, perhaps I shouldn't worry too much about such a thing, but mostly, it's also because - I don't like being rejected. And just for the recod, despite feeling pretty, or intelligent, I do always think that I'll be rejected - for being too young, too immature, too arrogant, too mean, too much of a friend. It's a little funny how I tend to trade more insults with those guys I like, almost to hide the fact that I do kind of like them. Funny and sad at the same time.

I did attend his farewell last night at Zouk, despite not wanting to go near house or trance music for some time. I guess I'm fortunate in that even if I'm sick of the music, the dance vibe just takes over. DJ Pippi really wasn't half-bad. I can see why people want to go to Ibiza now. But I digress. I was already partially gone by the time I reached the club, having had drinks with friends earlier. In spite of drinking some more when I reached there - Long Island Iced Tea and Vodka Ribena - I was incredibly sober at the end of the night, unlike the rest of his friends who were just absolutely wasted. I guess I should be happy that my body works in such a way as to ensure that I don't usually get completely plastered and furthermore, that after a certain point, the more I drink, the more sober I become. But again, I've deviated from the main subject.

Anyway, one of the other factors in why I didn't tell him anything - not even in the good bye note that I wrote - is because he was dancing closely with one of his high school friends. Was I jealous? Erm, yeah. Of her, of him, of people who have people to dance with in general. I got myself the hell out of their space, and went off to another part of the dance floor to dance my heart out. I did manage to, because after a while, I wasn't as stressed or as bothered about that dance as I initially was. But yes, it did have an impact on my eventual decision to chicken out. Why? Because if he's that close to all of his female friends, then obviously, I'm just as likely to be in the "Friend Zone" as I could be a potential.

So after the night ended, he came back to my place. "To talk," he said, seeing as he hadn't spoken that much to me that night, having been talking to all of his high school friends. But after the amount of alcohol he imbibed, he just fell asleep, then and there, on my sofa. Heh. So, he wakes up this morning, and takes his leave. I give him a going away present comprising of a poster of Gaudi's Sagrada Familia (which was darn hard to part with), some photos of nice landmarks in Europe, including the Basilicas in Milan and Venice, and a note - a note written at 6 am this morning and therefore guaranteed not to be coherent, but nevertheless, a heartfelt note.

And then we parted. "See you another time," he said after I told him that I hated "good bye" with the finality it implied. As if using another phrase could somehow influence whether our paths would ever cross again.

Bye, baby seal*. Have a good trip, and take care of yourself... please?

*A little exposition as to how my friend acquired the nickname "baby seal", if you will.

While talking to him on Sunday night, a call which resulted in my going to bed at 2 am, and subsequently being in hell for much of the next day while at work, we somehow got into one of those conversations where friendly insults are traded back and forth. We got to a point where I was "winning", i.e. just letting those insults fly without getting any in return because he couldn't think up of anything. So, I commented, "I feel as if I'm clubbing a baby seal" (a phrase akin to "taking candy from a baby" because it was ridiculously easy, and he wasn't able to put up a defence at all), hence the nickname.

That was a good night. He swore revenge, of course. They all do, but in the mean time, I've got another scalp for my collection.

Highlight of the conversation:
Him (saying good night, not wishing to endure the torment anymore): Was it as good for you as it was for me?
Me: Oh, it was much better. And I assure you, I wasn't faking it.
Him (amidst startled laughter): That's a good one

Originally written on Jan 9

I've been getting compliments about what I decided to wear today - a slightly short black skirt from Mango and a Guess? black knit ribbed sweater with a lace-up V-neck collar and glitter on the edges of the sleeves and on the collar itself. I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted to wear this combination to the office. It's not that it's too casual, just that it's not exceedingly office-like. I feel elegant, sophisticated and slightly sexy, which is really good because I don't usually feel like this, not even when I'm deliberately trying to get that effect. Oh yes, I was lightly made-up today - light beige and brown eye shadow, bronzer, concealer and powder. All in all, I know I didn't look bad. I just didn't know how good I looked. And judging from the comments, I look pretty darn good. Makes up for the four blisters I've acquired from wearing my new sandals to work today!

You are Selene!

Beautiful, vivacious, fierce and seductive, Selene vowed she would destroy Lycans after her family was murdered by the werewolves. So ruthless is she that Selene is a member of the Death Dealers. This elite Vampire warrior class's mission is to make the Lycans extinct. This 127-year-old "aggressive hunter of the underworld" combines a mastery of ancient weaponry with modern pleasures, such as driving Jaguars and using computers. However, Selene's ambitions are suppressed by Kraven. She longs for Viktor's reawakening so that he becomes the Vampire's regent once again.

Which UNDERWORLD character are you?


Rhiakath is your Vampire name.
You are an image of the Vampire Lestat. You love yourself, and rightly so, because you are clever, witty, sexy, and very cunning.
To use your new Vampire name and become a Vampire, go here:www.life-blood.vze.com


What is your Vampire name?
Both quizzes were brought to you by Quizilla

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and creativity, and usually are highly intelligent. Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
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You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He emerged from his own ashes, to be forever immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl (Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum (Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life, the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined individual. You tend to keep your sense of optomism, even through tough times and have a positive outlook on most situations. You have a way of looking at going through life as a journey that you can constantly learn from. Phoenixes are the best friends to have because they cheer people up easily.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
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Apparently, I belong in the Lord of the Rings! It's not just a coincidence! C'mon, Aragorn, honey! Ooooooh, yeah.

What movie Do you Belong in? (many different outcomes!)
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Which member of the Fellowship will father your children? by paper_flowers
Username
Who	Viggo Mortenson
Birthday of said baby:	May 27, 2009
Reason he fathered your baby:	You made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Woo hoo! Told you!

Listening to the Chilled album I obtained in 2002, I realised that it's the first time that I've listened to the entire CD - and it's wonderful. Given that it came free with a copy of The Evening Standard, it's more than a veritable bargain. It's an absolute treasure. And it's perfect for me right now. After having had a harrowing beginning to my day involving a not-quite-dead large cockroach and taking the wrong bus and still a little overwrought from an attack of angst and insecurity late last night, it was great for soothing my frazzled nerves.

There're quite a few gems on this CD, which again, I have to say is rare considering that it's free, but then again, The Evening Standard doesn't usually give away duds - I've got Root Manuva - Witness and Lo-Fidelity All-Stars - Lo-Fi In Ibiza on another CD given away in 2001. The tracks that particularly stood out for me at this point in time, feeling the way I do now, were A Man Called Adam - The Longest Day, Smoke City - Underwater Love (a great chill tune with sexy female vocals in a myriad of languages) and Icelandic songstress Emiliana Torrini, sounding amazingly yearning and sweet on a beautifully simple track, Summerbreeze.

And on a related chill-out note, Air's Moon Safari is a really good chill-out music album as well. Ce Matin-La is a particularly soothing track, simple and reminiscent of sixties feel-good music, if there's such a thing. It's the effect of the trumpets and soft vocals that make it seem so relaxing. It's got to be listened to before you get what I mean. Sexy Boy is another favourite of mine, with the almost-harsh synths and gentle sighing conjuring up the effect seeing someone really striking and attractive has on a person.

If you're thinking that the kind of music I'm listening to happens to be rather unusual for someone like myself, then you're really observant. I'm currently avoiding trance and house because I am sick to death of both kinds. I'm not sure what happened, given that I just grew so tired of these two kinds of music the day after Sister Bliss's set. I'm taking a really long break from it so that I can do my best to recover in time for Paul van Dyk's set at the Asian Electronic Music Festival that takes place on January 22nd, but right now, I can't stand even thinking about listening to my beloved Xpander much less PvD's own For An Angel!

I have managed to see the same guy four days in a row (or five, if you want to be very meticulous, and count the fact that I saw him at like 11.58 pm yesterday night, and that crossed over into today, making it five). Given that I first met this guy last summer at a Turkish bar for like twenty minutes, and I spent most of that time talking to his not unattractive friend who was seated beside me, and after that, any subsequent contact was reduced to e-mail because this bloke went back to the US, and that the next time I saw him was on NYE, you can see that the amount of contact that I have had with him this week has been of a rather unusual and high amount this week. I don't even see my own old friends that often, and I have somehow seen this guy every night since last Wednesday. Granted, he stays really close to me, and that is often a compelling factor for going out with someone - knowing that there'll be someone to see you home at the end of the night, but still, up until last summer, I didn't know anyone staying near me, and now, all of a sudden, I know quite a few.

I'm just finding it a little strange. After the incident with my friend, the last person I rejected, I've been kind of wary about spending too much time with people who aren't my colleagues, or already my friends from high school or university. Far too much proximity and time spent together does weird things to otherwise rational people, as can be seen in reality television shows such as Survivor. Although at this point, I feel compelled to point out that this particular factor did nothing but good for my relationship with my last boyfriend. However, it's a bit creepy realising that most of the guys with whom I've spent many a day seeing have ended up either becoming or almost becoming someone I had an at-least-slightly-more-than-platonic relationship with. Maybe not creepy, seeing as this would be a natural progression, a step forward, but still.

*shudders*

This is the ultimate New Year's resolution.

And guess what? Phase I begins in ten minutes - when I step out the door. Bwahahahaha!

I rang in the new year at Zouk with Sister Bliss.

At least, that was my intent. I ended up spending most of the night not in Zouk, but instead of the other two clubs that make up the complex - Phuture, which played progressive house, breakbeats, and trance yesterday night, and Velvet Underground, the club for the more mature crowd (read: over-25) which plays soulful and latin house every night. I usually don't go to Velvet if I can help it, as I can't take that kind of music very well. But in any case, I was with friends, and I was following them wherever they wanted to go as there were HUGE amounts of people in Zouk. The dancefloor was packed and no one could move, and I wasn't about to go in there to have my enjoyment of the music crushed by my hatred of crowds.

I don't know who played in Phuture last night, but I had a great time whenever I was there. I couldn't categorise the music, and quite frankly, I'm a little sick of having to define which tracks fit into which genres so that I know whether I, or my friends, will enjoy them. I do keep on trying though - it's my personality, it's the kind of person that I am, to always try and list and categorise things. (That reminds me. I haven't made my resolutions yet!) They played Beastie Boys' Fight For Your Right To Party and Layo & Bushwacka!'s Lovestory, one of my all-time favourite tracks, as well as the big single of summer 2002, just when I left London.

I did finally go to Zouk in the end to catch Sister Bliss's last hour. It was good progressive house and while I hardly recognised any of the tracks, I was just going crazy, having been unkindly restrained from listening to her music for the rest of night prior to my going in there! The sound system in Zouk is so much better than in the other rooms, with any bass just rocking the place. (Of course, as I've said before, it's not that good for trance, but for last night, it was perfect.) One of the tunes that I did recognise was Bliss's very own Sister Sister which was damn freaking good, pardon my French. Once that tearing wail kicked in (much like a banshee), I just screamed my head off and danced like a maniac. And I might add, I wasn't the only one.

I was dancing (or 'phreaking', as my friend likes to put it) with a friend with whom I hadn't formally met until last night although we'd been e-mailing thanks to Friendster. I had fun, he had fun, although I did have some worries about what he would think, given that earlier on in the night, I wasn't really dancing with anyone. "The difference between US education and UK education," he said. He was right. Although my retort to that later was, "It just takes a while for us to warm up!" Trust me, mein freund. I - along with any guy I so choose - can teach the rest of the crowd just what dancing really is about.

Sister Bliss ended off with a mix of Born Slippy that I didn't recognise and then the local dude came on. I loved his set, although admittedly, he played a lot of big tunes, so that doesn't mean that his mixing and style are good, just that he dropped the crowd-pleasers. Anyway, he played, among other things, Eurythmics's Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of These), Sander Kleinenberg's Work To Do, Massive Attack's Safe From Harm (YESSSSS!!!!) and Layo & Bushwacka!'s Lovestory (twice in one night and I still hadn't got enough).

Funny moment: When the cameraman for the club was looking for good footage and came up to my friend and I, asking if we were going to kiss. I turned my head away, mouthing "What? OMG??!" and my friend, thankfully, told them, "No, we'll just dance." His reply, "Come on! Do it for the camera! Do it for Zouk!" Erm. Sorry. Nope. So, in the end, the cameraman went away, but came back after the night was over, asking if we could say, "Happy New Year and see you next year!" for the camera. So we did.

The night ended at 0500 h. I had been at Zouk for six hours. And it had been an awesome night, despite being tormented by a friend's SMSes about the pulsating, thumping trance that was being played at another club nearby, and being subjected to an hour of soulful house. It wasn't the way I would have planned my NYE, but I did get to know some people better, and I had a wicked time.

May I misbehave more this year.

For myself, I didn't feel anything special when NYE (New Year's Eve for the uninitiated) rolled around, just that it was the last day for me to use up my movie vouchers (which, by the way, is the main reason why I've watched so many movies in December - eight in one month). I ended up watching Mona Lisa Smile, a movie said to be based on Hillary Clinton's memoirs of her time at Wellesley in the '50s.

A brief movie review, if you will. Julia Roberts stars as Katharine Watson, a UC-Berkeley graduate who goes on to teach Art History and Appreciation at Wellesley, the nation's top college for girls. She dreams of being able to make a difference, of changing these girls' lives, only to discover that the students, faculty and alumni alike consider Wellesley nothing more than a pit-stop before they go on to get married and devote their lives to their husbands, in other words, Wellesley is a finishing school for exceedingly bright girls, nothing more, nothing less.

There're a couple of students of Katharine's that the movie focuses on - Betty (Kirsten Dunst), a spoilt, bratty, conservative uptight girl who's the editor of the school newspaper and the daughter of the head of the alumni association, Joan (Julia Stiles), Betty's best friend, a smart, sensible, responsible peacemaker, Gisele (Maggie Gyllenhaal), the sexy, liberal, free-sex student who admires Katharine and Connie (Ginnifer Goodwin), an insecure wallflower, tormented by Betty.

This movie is entirely too predictable. We all know what's going to happen. The bright, young, new teacher comes in, wanting to make a difference, but is daunted by her students. Then, she turns to more unorthodox methods of teaching and the students respond brilliantly. There's always one student who seems to hate her, and another who loves her. As the year comes to an end, the one lone student who hates her has an abrupt turnaround, becomes one of her most ardent supporters. Lives are changed. The end. A happy ending, no doubt, but ultimately, a dull and uninteresting plot. It glosses over far too much in an attempt to get to that happy ending.

The movie does has its bright moments, such as when Katharine asks the class to discuss what Art is, and teaches them about Van Gogh - paint-by-numbers, and Julia Roberts and Maggie Gyllenhaal do turn in good performances, with MG being especially good, I felt, as the sexy, caring free spirit. After hearing about her great performance in Secretary, and now this, I do hope we'll be seeing more of her work soon.

One scene in the movie that got me - not in an emotional way, just in an intellectual way - was when Katharine goes to tell Joan that she can study to be a lawyer and still be a dutiful wife. Katharine tells Joan that ultimately, Joan will regret giving up her position at Yale Law School in order to be a housewife. Joan responds that being a housewife wasn't just her husband's choice; it was both of their decisions and that Katharine has to understand that women can and do choose to raise families instead of pursuing their careers, and that this is a carefully considered decision, not the choice of someone meekly accepting her place in life. This got me because I'm independent, and scoff at the nation of having someone take care of me, buying everything I need and all that. I had been having great difficulty with the movie and its notion of a woman's place in that era, though I do grant that it was very different than what it is today, and up until that point, I just kept thinking - why would any female think, after having gone through so many rounds of education, that being a housewife was the ultimate aspiration in life? So now, I understand a little better that being a housewife isn't worse than my being a professional. It's simply a different path... though I still think it's a far simpler, less empowering one than the path I've chosen to take.